The hardest thing is....

Most of my friends are older than me.

Unfortunately for me, most of them are leaving next year.

To say I'm sad would be a huge understatement.

I'm really sad and seriously scared cause I can't imagine my final high school year without them. They've been there for me whenever I needed them and they've always made me laugh even when i'm in tears and still choking on my sobs.

Next year i'm form five. It would be the scariest of all high school years. Mess up in your final year and it might be all Hell from there on.

To say i'm scared would be a major crash on my descriptive likings. I'm petrified. Terrified. Horrified.

Friends are my only fall back plan. and without them, I'm not too sure I'll stay standing that long.

I know I have friends in my own year and yes, they are awesome and they are really great too. But it isn't the same. I've been with this particular group since I got into high school. I mean. It's not a clique or anything but we're just close. We all know each others' secrets and flaws and likings. We all know each others' family backgrounds and past relationships.

To say I'm nervous would be the least.

Their not just friends to me. more like family. and even though we aren't blood related, it still hurts to know that i won't be able to see them nor spend time with them as part of my daily life anymore.

so yeah.

I'm jaded that way. i'll miss you so much.

the hugs and kisses weren't enough,
joyce

the unshakeable feeling

So, my birthday was just a day ago. It was a blast. All my friends wished me and my ever awesome sister and my awesome brothers surprised me and showered me with a bash~

Everything from a great day out with my friends from school and their awful jokes to a night out with close friends that know just when to dunk you into the pool and make your shoes float in the pool~

My birthday may not have been decked out in the best but it was pretty much the best i've ever had :)

I may not have gotten a baby blue Hummer with jet-skis or a mercedes but i spent the day with the best people ever :)

So, yes. Thank you for making the day ever so sweet~

By the way, i have got the same birthday as Taylor Swift and it's also International Ice Cream Day!

giggles in between kisses,
joyce

You will never be....

Have you ever started the day off with such positivity that your smiles seems to brighten everyone else's but by the end of the day you feel so low so down your tears just come crashing down for no reason? and all you can do is sit there and cry. and just think what the hell is wrong with yourself.

Today, for me, is one of those days.

I started off the morning with cookies. I was baking cookies. Choc chip cookies. I was just extremely bored and exceedingly happy. After three batches, my mom whisked me and my sister off to get some chores. We picked up Alvin just for fun. I adore his dog. It's extremely cute and it is extremely friendly~ doesn't even bark at you.

Continued my baking session in the afternoon, by this time, i started to feel slightly down but i just kept going. I just wanted to shake it off. I tried my best but by evening I just felt immensely down.

Call it hormones or puberty. whatever you want. I just don't feel good today. right now.

I just feel sad. I watched How I Met Your Mother and 90210 and Vamp Diaries. By then, i would be giddy with joy. But for some reason, the more i watch, the more the tears come pouring down my face. All i feel like doing is crying. i just dont feel happy.

To make things worse. Everyone else in the house is happy. positively happy. i just keep smiling and giggling. and the longer it goes on, the more the guilt and pain piles on.

I want to be happy. I want to laugh along sincerely.

I just. I dont know anymore.

can you make me laugh?
joyce

self defence or stupidity?

As a high school student, and better yet, as a teenage girl in high school, there will never be a dull moment. there will never be a moment without the gossip mongers, the bitch fights and the disillusioned friends. there will be constant spats and fights and splits.

I know of a girl who seemingly loves to scream vulgarities at others and make her friends her victims of abuse. She used to be an okay girl. Or rather, that's what i thought.

I got to know her at the very moment of which she was dumped by a good friend of mine. I would describe him as good friend material but a horrible boyfriend. Hahaha. He's a great friend in fact. He talks abundantly and makes you laugh just when you're close to tears. But. But as a boyfriend, he refrains from showing you affection and tends to lean toward freedom more than ever. Therefore, my conclusion of him being a horrible boyfriend.

ANYHOO, this particular girl has made everyone who's ever known her hate her. excluding her family of course. although nobody knows for sure. haha.

she's, someone i would call, a psycho bitch. why? you ask.

first, she becomes your friend. she acts all caring and throws I love you's all around. second, she sticks to you like a lifeline. she will act as if you've been BFF's since the 1900. Third, she'll try to know ALL about you to seem as if she is your BFF. Fourth, and which you will start to notice, she will start trash talking about you behind your back. Fifth, anything you say about her, will be thrown against you and she'll scream at you.

now ain't it sweet? how she acts like such a sweet thang? but sadly the sugar melts off and all that's left is the sour truth.

she's managed to alienate all those who believed in her and was her friend. ironically enough, she parades around the sentence : i've got more friends than you.

if an elder calls you rude, the probability of you being rude is 99 to 1. which equivalents to yeah you are rude. if an elder calls you rude, you apologize and try to make it better. if an elder calls you rude, you step away from the situation, reassess and start over.

do you think she did that? hell to the no.

She daringly enough called that elder a BITCH. She daringly enough said: "who are you to judge me?"

The world must have a place for all. From the socialites to the downfalls. We all have our places to sit. Society works in wonderful ways. Though we stand in different spots, we connect just the same.

I used to believe in her. I used to stand up for her. I used to be her friend.

That was before i myself was trashed and thrown upside down. Thankfully, i have friends who stuck beside me all the way and stood up for me. and helped me see that she was no friend to me. if people alienate you and you truly stand alone, there has to be something wrong with you. seriously.

Friends come and go. but true friends stay forever unless you mess up really horribly.

wishing you luck,
joyce

UNICEF Child Abuse

If you're an avid reader, and you like reading books that help put your life in perspective, read the book : The Child Called It. It's one of a trilogy series. and it's a true story. The book broke me down to tears as it frightened me of how cruel we truly can be.

Statistics show that a report on child abuse is made every ten seconds. but that's just someone reporting it. what about child abuses that aren't being reported? what about those suffering in pain?

Almost five children die everyday as a result of child abuse. More than three out of four are under the age of 4.

That's what i mean. they cry, they cry for help and they cry for hope, they cry for all the pain to stop.

The worst part of it all is that the abuse doesn't stop with them. most of them will go on later in life abusing their own children or their partners. most of them will end up being criminals and alcoholics or drug addicts. most of them will end up hurting someone else to ease the pain they've felt over all those years. because abuse isn't once in a blue moon. abuse happens to those every single day. and the abuse doesn't stop there. it haunts them forever.

Child abuse is a severe crime. It causes terrible repercussions in their lives, most of which will have psychological disorder due to their abuse.

Join UNICEF now and stop child abuse. http://uniteagainstabuse.my/register

you might just be able to save someone's life. register now.

UNICEF: Stop Child Abuse Now!

UNICEF: Stop Child Abuse Now!

Disappointments in Life

Have you ever waited upon a surprise?
Only to find that the surprise was a downpour of disappointments.

But that is Life. Expect the unexpected.

Most importantly, don't take anything in life for granted.

Cause even when you're at the lowest point in life, and you're stuck in a corner crying your heart out, the world keep's moving on.

The world is ever changing. so is Life and Love. so is Change.

My sister Char just got chicken pox. yes, she did. now she's all spotty and red. and she's quite emotional. I don't blame her. if i was twenty one and i got chicken pox, i wouldn't be able to sleep either.

Disappointment one: not having the guts.

If you know me, sometimes, i seem like such a jumper, I jump at all things opportunity. I'm quite the opportunist. I jump at chances and take leaps. at times, well most of the time, I fall right smack on my face. and i get up reaaaaal slow. at times, i fall safely on my feet with a huge smile on my face.

and then there are times where i don't do anything at all. All i know to do is stand and stare. Those moments are moments where i am consumed with fear and doubt. When the chance has passed, those doubts turn into regret. And all sorts of regret of what if's. What if i had jumped at the chance? What if i had taken the plunge?

Disappointment two: not having the chance at all

This disappointment is rather petty but is disappointment none the less. It could be someone ditching you for their partner, someone just ignoring you, your friend striking the lottery or someone having the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend.

Not having the chance at all meaning. the time it's actually being thought upon and not eternity. having to sit in front of a couple and smile at them with that thoughtful smile. hiding behind that smile is the thought of why isn't that me. when will that be me.

This disappointment doesn't last long. it's replaced with other thoughts on life and it's events.

Disappointment three : having it stolen

This disappointment may hurt the most. yup, having it stolen. It could be an idea, a giftcard, a friend or maybe even a sentence you were about to say. It hurts and it's something you want to telltale about but you know it'll ruin things further. Having someone steal it from you hurts you and leaves your mouth wide open. It's not a very beautiful sight. but it's one you make anyways.

this usually happens when you tell someone how excited you are about it and how fantabulous it is and you giggle about it. or when you have good intentions of sharing and then having it taken away. yup and you feel that sudden loss of words or thought. And all you can say is. oh. or the worst. you have to smile at that person and hold your head up high as if it never happened.

That disappointment is quite a shock. and it'll linger in your memory from time to time.

Life is like that sometimes. it's a roller coaster filled with shocks, screams, giggles and silence.

cant wait for you to be mine,
joyce

Tis the season to be jolly~

In a day it'll be December.

I love everything about December~

It's a month filled with joy. It's the month where everyone gathers together and celebrates the highs and lows of the year. It's a month of laughter as we share the highlights and jokes of the year. It's a month of giving as we exchange presents of love and thought. It's a beautiful month.

Thanksgiving just passed. and what a beautiful Thanksgiving it was. A day of thought on what we ought to be thankful for.

I am thankful for everything I have had a chance at having in life. Love, Friendship, Family and Education. I am very thankful this year.

I think we all ought to be thankful for every moment in life. good or bad. happy or sad. Because believe it or not, everything in life alters us and makes us grow. I think we should be thankful for that.

wishing wells and sprinkles of joy~
joyce

From high hopes to low batallions

I just thought my holidays would be peaceful. One where I could study and sleep in peace.

Life tends to do the exact opposite to me.

An old friend once told me, always keep your head high even when you're feeling lowest cause you don't know what will strike at you.

Have you ever felt parental pressure? The pressure you get when your parents speak highly of you to others, and when they smile at you and say: I hope you'll become better as you grow. and you smile back but inside you're shivering in fear with the thought of them finding out your doubts and insecurities.

I once spoke to a group of my friends and found that most of them have this fear but they overcome it by just ignoring the fear and just living their lives. More than often, I find my friends living up to their dreams and they seem happy. but soon after, i also find out that they don't usually make their parent's happy.

This is where the lines blur. Are we supposed to live our lives to be happy and content with ourselves, or where we live to please our parents and make them happy in order for us to be happy? or can we actually achieve both? if so, why is it so hard?

Then again, Life is filled with unexpected choices and often disappointing results.

I'm terribly sorry this article is so messed up. I'm a teenager. hahah.

That reason should suffice your thought.

My plans for December would definitely consists of having fun. November has been a thoroughly messed up and screwed over month. Having chicken pox and being pushed around and stepped on was not at all pleasant nor was it a good memory to keep.

Drinks with friends. Outings with sister. Outings with friends. and to lose some chubs. :P

Goodbye November~
Hello December! :)

I thought I had you all figured out

Every generation has a different set of musicians and artists. from Backstreet Boys to Madonna to Rod Stewart and the Beatles. To Taio Cruz and Usher to Taylor Swift and Ke$ha to Daughtry and Lady Antebellum.

so why is it so hard to accept new artists? why do we have to tear down all the other artists? i mean music is subjective. it's why there are so many genres to music. It's not possible for the entire universe to all have to same taste towards the same type of genre of music. it's not logical. we're all different. therefore we have different taste. so why cant we just accept the fact one man's meat is another man's poison? because that's the truth.

Artists today like Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber or Katy Perry are being shot down and criticized as if they've done something offensive worldwide.

Personally, i find it insulting when someone proclaims that they love a certain artist, and the other person says: Please grow up. I find it really insulting. who are you to judge and call out the fact they need to grow up just cause they like that certain artist?

when my dad was a teen, he had Rod Stewart to look up to. and he still looks up to Rod Stewart to sing along to now. so are you gonna tell my dad to grow up? like seriously?

Music is an open topic. It's a subjective thing. No one has the right to force or coerce you into a certain genre or limit you to a specific artist. Music is your right. No one else in your life has a right or say in your liking of music. nor do you in anyone Else's.

Personally, I love taylor swift. and no i am definitely not her biggest fan in the world. but i adore her. she sings songs that we can relate to. yeah we know it's mostly about love but HELLO we are teenage girls. we're in high school. and our lives practically revolve around love, friendship, difficulties and obstacles. and if you haven't noticed, its one of the major stages in life for all women. so having songs we can sing along with and listen to lyrics which spell out how we feel is soothing. and it helps us unconsciously or consciously.

so yes, music. it's yours and yours alone. dont go blotting on others. just mind your own.

haunted,
joyce

Differences

The thing is. I don't miss you anymore.

haha. so my friends have planned this big reunion tomorrow. The ironic thing is. she posted this up on Facebook today. Just today. She thinks we're all free as birds with no restrictions. we're not. we all have our things to do ya'll. hahaha. i meant that in a good way. no offence to anyone.

hmm. I don't have a good feeling about these reunions. I mean. Yeah, it's great to keep company and keep bonds strong between old friends. but we've all changed and in a huge way. The last time we spent more than hours together was when we were all in primary school. It's almost the end of our high school years. We're seniors next year. It's our last year in school next year. How many of us can possibly hold good friendships? Close friendships?

Friends aren't permanent. They are exactly as our lives are. And unless you find someone with the same frequency of change, the same click of mind and the same passion of life, they aren't your friends, those are soul mates. and I'm not talking about marriage. I believe soul mates are those you stay up late at night laughing the night away and spilling your guts out to. yeah you do it sometimes with your partner but with your soul mates, they end your sentences for you and they make you laugh all the time. and maybe sometimes the worst of times. which make them the best. those are the soul mates. not your friends.

your friends are those you keep with you, but not as close as your partners or your soul mates. your friends dont know you. neither do they really want to.

unfortunately, i had to learn this the hard way. time after time.

I have a new found appreciation for love and friendship. haha.

Trust. now that's hard to come by anymore.
trust no one but yourself and God.

ohmygosh. it's november

The speed of light. If man could keep up with it, they would be God.

With a blink of an eye, it's November. and not only is it November. it's the end of November. it's already 25th of November. holy crap.

How did we get here? like seriously.

So how's life? hmm. let's see.

Recently, I got this little virus called Varicella Zoster. sound familiar? it's chicken pox.

when i first found out, i was like. HAHAHAAHAHA.

I'm sixteen. oh well. if you exclude the fact it isn't my birthday. haha.

It was all over my body. and they are kinda like little bubbles on your skin. think blisters and you'll understand. went to the doctor's and the first thing

The Doctor asked me: how old are you? aren't you a little old for chicken pox?
my first thought: WHATTHEHELL?!

but oh wells, a week and a half later, i'm alright and all healed. except for scars.
I believe this is the worst part of having chicken pox. It's the scars they leave behind. and for the ones that have popped, they leave HOLES in your skin. yup, i said it. Holes. not scabs or scars. but holes.

i think i need new heels. like crazy high black heels. i saw one from Nine West. drop dead beautiful with a price to match. RAWR i need to get back to singapore and snag those heels i saw. argh.

have you ever wondered why you fit into another family better than your own? i've felt that way several times. i seem to get along with a few other families better than my own. but i guess living with them 24/7 is a whole other story. sigh.

well, more from me soon.

living it up with music,
joyce

Cobra Starship: The City is At War

it's been a while. a long time.

today. friday. 20th of august. i've decided to blog.

haha. life. it's a funny thing. life. it has a way of twisting and turning. going up and crashing down. making you laugh hysterically and cry like a baby.

friendships. they seem to come and go. friendship were meant to last. forever. but it seems as though they only last a few years. and after that, they seem to slowly fade away. you talk for three months. then three weeks. then three days. then three hours. then three smses. and then you stop talking altogether. and often i wonder. does it just happen to one side of the friendship? or both? and if its both, why doesnt anyone make a move? why do we have this mentality of not taking the high road and constantly awaiting other people to move before we move and confess? why not grab the opportunity, why not take a risk? why not take the plunge? why not? why do we stand and wait and time passes by and changes all things now into the past?

love. from good to bad. once again, due to poor thoughts filled with doubt, i lost my salmon. hahahahahahaha.

interact. installation night. YAY.

oh wow. this does take a while. i've lost it.

loving you,
joyce

i'm fine

I haven't been blogging in about a month. it's been a crazy one. everything from exams to fights and misunderstandings to me losing a close friend.

I lost Alex. that's what i lost. We were the closest of friends from January till may 15th. hahaha. how sad. five months.

the truth? we were never dating. we never dated. we were just close friends. whether you believe it or not.

and because of one word from me. i think. right now. today. we're not exactly friends.

He said. nothing's changed. don't worry. we're still friends.
If the above statement is true, why are you so scared to look me in the eyes. why are you so scared to even talk to me. why.

We were close friends and too involved in each other's lives.

I'm fine without him. It's never easy and painless at losing a friend. I'll admit. its kinda hard and kinda heart wrenching. But if this time spent apart for both of us to breathe will make things easier later on, I'll give it time. It is hard passing his class. seeing his friends. looking away when i see him. not being able to spend recess with him and the gang like old times. but. i don't like losing friends and burning bridges. and I'll do whatever to save it.

everyone is telling me to forget about it. don't worry. and move on. but the truth, deep down in me. all i feel like saying is that. you're such hypocrites. you're such bad bad bad advisers. forgetting about your problems, moving on and not worrying about them wont solve anything. you're merely running away from it. but like always, no matter how far you run, how long you ran, the truth will always come back to haunt you.

if you're reading this, and you're thinking. she knows what she's supposed to do. so why is she still worrying? .

that's only cause. that's me being me. I'm a worrysome person. i worry about me. about my family. my friends. my everything. for everyone. no matter how hard i try. i cant. and sometimes its good but sometimes. it tires me out.

i'm definitely changing. from the way i think to the way i speak and the way i do things. some of it good some of it bad. i know that i've been neglecting a few things in my life and i need to brush up.

as for friendships, I'll hang on to Yiing, Mich, Amalina and Ian for now. and Andrew. the rest of the people. you're my good friends no doubt about it. for those people who don't believe and trust nor like me and act like their my friends, i'm leaving it to higher power to do the revenge.

don't like me? does it look like i flipping care?
joyce

you win some and you lose some. i won~!

This year started off with a bang. I had made friends with someone unexpected and there goes rumors blazing a fire in the woods. I had gotten a call from a teacher asking me to fill in as a third speaker a week before the debate competition started. I had gotten into a rough patch with two friends and one close friend. I joined the public speaking competition and won. In approximately two days, i'm flying to KL for the Help University Debate Competition. I will be third speaker, Akmal second speaker and Marco as Prime minister. In about four days, Our mid term exams will start.

I have already four haters. They hate my guts and i did absolutely nothing about it. pretty unusual if you ask any of my friends.

I have raging temper issues. yet. its April and i haven't lost my temper. how amazing.
I rarely wear skirts. I've worn more of them this year than in my entire life time.
I rarely let my hair down. I've let my hair down more than my entire life combined.
I've rarely cried so much. I've been crying alot. tearing up. not exactly wailing.
I started a diary. and reading it makes me laugh about how sad and incredibly fun and sadistic my thoughts truly are.

I've changed into a person. i'm not too sure i'm comfortable with this new me. she's different from the old me. i cant tell whether i'm a better person or worse and just waiting for a disaster to happen.

lost in the sea of lies,
joyce

chocolate cake with icing all over...

Our Hornbill just came out~! The pictures are seriously weird. ahahahahaha! some of my friends look awesome in them. i look. okay lah. ahahahaha.

i realized i have never ever in my entire life failed more than one subject. I'm like awestruck. but i guess being out of class for two and a half weeks does do a lot of destruction to my education. My math is a mess again. because of debate, i missed an entire chapter which so happens came out nearly 80 percent of the pop quiz my teacher gave. i was like. @.@. but luckily in math tuition i scored BIG. 89%. woohooooooooooooo~

had a short short trip up Kundasang with dad. we went his gang. wow. you should see the equipment they buy for their cameras. so the awesome~!

hehe.

For this thursday, me and talie are singing You Got Me by Colbie Caillat and Kantoi by Zee Avi. just had practice earlier. i think we're pretty cool. :D

sometimes, i think, the more i talk to you, the more i find you attractive. sometimes you're just a friend.

i'm thinking i'm thinkingggg,
joyce

my heart is filled with you...

heyheys~

haven't been updating much here. have been so utterly busy with debate and all. ahahaha.
i'm joining bakat lok yuk this year~ with the beautiful Natalie Prabha and the talented Izzat Ashraff. ahaha.

hopefully, it works out fine. ahaha.

relationships aren't my thang,
joyce

chocolate crumbs

woke up at 7am today. to shower and get ready to go to jeanne's house. its pronounced jean. or gene. or. gin. haha. i didnt know. i kept saying je-anne. je-anne. hahaha. finally mich corrected.

we made about. six hundred seventy five cookies. give or take a few. haha. gina ate. angel ate. tanya ate. i dropped. angel dropped and picked up. alex ate. gina ate again. haha.

there was i think eight of us. me, mich, angel, roanna, jeanne, kimberly, venessa, gina, alex. how many is that. oh its nine. ahahahaha. i skipped mr.lim's tuition for this. ahaha.

i do feel really irresponsible for it. but. i dunno. i guess i'll just have to pay for all the consequences. sigh.

after the choc ball thing, we had to package it all. then the dropping began. angel with her counting and bumping into everything causing it to drop. and tanya with her packaging and dropping a few. haha. it was during the packaging session, we began to realize all the little things. why do some of them have sprinkles and some of them dont. some of them have one sprinkle and some have it all covered. ahahahaahahah. why some choc pieces are so small and some so large.a hahahaahahha. and it was so ironic how venessa made big scoops when she's so petite and how kimberley's tall and she made small lil scoops.. ahahahaahah.

it was a pretty fun day. haha. kinda feel sick seeing so much chocs suddenly. ahahahaha.

loving and hating you right now,
joyce

ka-ching ka-ching

haha. its that time of year again. where we have to smile and laugh and be super nice to all the aunties and uncles everywhere. where we're so happy to see them give us angpaus. ahahahaha.

am flying back to kl tmw. although i wish for once we'd be able to spend it here with my immediate family and friends, but its not possible so. sigh. am flying again. haha. i'm not complaining. i just wanna spend some time with my friends too.

in love with the song blah blah blah by kesha. haha. its a total dance song. love.

red house totally kicked ass today in tug of war~! of course i mean i'm in it. ahahahaah!!! no la. we were really motivated to win and because we nearly lost we were really pushed and provoked to win. so even though my dad asked me not to strain my already strained biceps i still did. i mean. i just dont like losing. in anything. ahaha.

gosh. and about him. i didnt know la wei. so not fair. i didnt know it'd turn out this way at all. i cant believe it. like seriously.

ahaha. still finding a song to sing for bakat. its either russian roulette by rihanna, you got me by colbie caillat or kiss me by sixpence none the richer. the last one was suggested by ce mandy. although it isnt exactly what i'd do. i'll think about it.

sigh. anyhow. i'll miss you! ahah.

dancing to the tune,
joyce

dong dong dong chiang~!

i'm confused by your words and your actions. i dont know which hurt more. your silence or your actions. yes finally we've talked and we've agreed. but i cant help but say i'm hurt. and no this isnt a guy i'm talking about.

i slept over at mich's. we tried watching a movie but only ended with me complaining and mich falling asleep. The Lovely Bones. i think the book is better. it was. well. i think me telling you mich fell asleep pretty much interpreted it was a total BORE. ahahahah. i guess the movie plot was good. i just think it was a bit too. i dunno. predictable. although the old man which killed the girl was such a PERVERT and a downright EVIL LOOKING DUDE~! now i'm scared of my neighbours. HAHAHAHA. then we went to bed still gossiping and talking and laughing, and then halfway through the convo, mich fell asleep. and i sounded like a fool talking to a sleeping person. when i realized she fell asleep i was like: aw man. i sound and feel stupid. ahahahaah.

the next morning, we both sorta woke up at 8 i think. mich woke up earlier from her messaging with a friend. we laughed and played around with Elmo and Spongebob. ahahaha. her pillow Spongebob which can be seen on FB was funny and we couldn't stop laughing and its expression and the fact that Elmo has no eyelids and we kept poking it and closing his open mouth. hahaah. then we watched Vampire Diaries together. the latest episode no doubt. ahah. i love love love both Damon and Stefan. ahahahaha. then we went for La Salle's sports day. its in DONGGONGON. i was like: isnt their school in tanjung aru? thats like super far away from their school?! ahahahah. it was pretty okay. met up with andrew, greg, patrick, russel, bernard and some other old friends. ahah. oh and joshua. met him at Installation night but TOTALLY forgot about him. hahahahaha. funny how we both forgot and when we remembered started talking to each other like we were super old friends. and his form six and form five friends thought i was russian and 18. i was like. wow. i look old and sound russian? and then his friend thought i was american chinese and a spm leaver. i was like YAY~! ahahahahaahhaa. i'm american!!

Bernard talked to me when i was on the way to my car. he wanted me to have some rice thingy. but i was like no thanks. and i apologized to him about the whole last year incident. i think it was something i had to do so that i could move on. apparently, he didnt hold the grudge either. so it was cool. thank God. i saw yiing's friend jordan run. darn he's fast. haha.

all in all, it was a pretty cool weekend. i accomplished alot. except for one incident with andrew's friend Nadym. i dunno what happened but he loved making fun of me when i didnt even know him. i was totally out of my element and he was teasing me way over the line. and i couldnt help but stand there and let him attack me. i swear i never did anything to him.

anyhow, it was a great weekend with friends and family. 2010 seems awesome already!

chinese new year here i come,
joyce

sports day!

haha. today was my school sports day part one in stadium. ahaha. arrived there early so i decided to help my teacher do attendance. then on the paper i wrote 3AM1 instead of 4S2. all my old classmates were like write my name please. and i was like why? you're not even in my class anymore. then they pointed at the paper. i totally burst out in laughter along with everyone else. i guess my subconscious self is still in love with that class. no class will ever top 3AM1 of 2009. it was the best year of my life. :D

anyhow, i hung out with gina and her friends mostly today. roanna, angel, and some other girls. their super funny. ahahahaahaha. but its gina so i'm not surprised at all. HE asked and begged me to go then in the end i hung out with him like ten minutes before i went home. like. arghhhhh.....

i shouted and clapped using the bottles with stones. ahahaha. me and gina and sai sat like front row. not even on chairs. we sat on the ground right next to the track. ahahahahaha! we screamed for all our friends. even though i'm not marikh (which is mars. which is the blue team) i sat with all the marikh people. ahahahaha! but i screamed for all the teams. i'm team neutral. ahahaha. i screamed for Davina from marikh, Yiing and shannon from musytari (red), madeline from zuhal (green) and some guy from uranus(yellow). unfortunately, i dont know his name. HAHAHA.

sports day was unusually fun and drama free this year. THANK GOD. i've had enough drama for the time being. and its only january. gosh people. i'm not oprah. i cant handle that much drama. i'm no drama mama. HAHA. hehe.

anyhow, i'm pretty sad in general. with natalie's brother passing on. me not getting along with a certain someone. sigh. i guess its the down after the long high. darnit.

cant wait to get it all out of the system on sunday at mich's place. :D

with chocolates i am superwoman!,
joyce

uh oh

you're who i'm thinking of ~ justin bieber. :D

haha. i actually like him. although he sounds sorta girlie. he's not that bad. ahaha.

and i actually like another guy too. which is weird. if you asked me three months, i'd probably think you're drunk. ahahahaha.

but i guess it'll never happen. ask anyone in my school and they'd tell you it'd never happen. ahgahaha. its like. me and brad pitt or taylor lautner or chace crawford? ahaha. as if.

homework is such a buzzkill but i gotta do it. sigh.

bye loves.

and i'm here for you natalie. be strong. have faith in Him.

love, joyce

Hey Jude.

third week of school. and i've already gotten a red mark on my exercise book for passing it up late.
thats definitely not a good sign.

Additional Math: challenging but awesome feeling when you find the answer. by that i mean i've only found the answer like twice. ahahaha.
Chemistry: Fun.
Bio: boring.
Physics: mind blowing. and by that, i mean. i have no clue sometimes. ahahahahaha.

had drinks with Ian Pang today. from like. 4.45 till 7? ahgahahahaha. time flies when you're around friends. ahaha. we talked about everything. ahaahah. and the two other people who were supposed to be there. didnt come along. one got cold feet. the other too tired. sigh. i was tired and nervous too!!!

but yeah. it was awesome seeing him again! ahahah.

this year. i think. will be awesome. ahahaha. or more like. i pray it'll be. let it be filled with happy events. and great results. ahahaha.

for my happy couple. as much as i didnt see it coming. i do hope you both will resolve your issues. you were my happy couple. the idea of friends becoming more than friends and working out was the two of you. i do hope this break isnt permanent. i saw her become bubbly and him become open. whether the two of you do work out. its up to both of you. this isnt a one sided relationship. it takes two to tango.

as for you my friend. thankfully. that was just a lil bump on this road we call life. haha.

i need a new phone. it isnt a want. its a need. A NEEED. hahaha. my phone isnt working properly anymore. if you need to talk to me, text or call my mom. hahaha.

fishing for boys,
joyce

have i done wrong?

recently. i've been wondering. who am i?

the first answer: i'm Joyce Fong.

do you guys think that should have been my answer? or should i have said: i'm a child of God.

this year started off rough. not exactly what i thought. but then again, my family isnt exactly average. we're far different than other families.

my friends. they seem different. we all seem to be drifting apart instead of closer. and i recently read a friends blog. where he/she changed clubs because everyone else did. i did too. was it wrong? i didnt wanna continue in seeker's because as much as i want to continue glorifying God's name and being a disciple in His light, i cant improve myself there. i want to but i just cant. so i changed to interact. did i change just cause i want to or because of friends? my answer is no. i changed because i wanted to. i prayed about it. and i felt like i could do much more in interact.

i haven't gone to church this year. and its already the 15th. thats exactly fifteen days into the year and i have not gone to church yet. does that make me any less of a Christian than you are? does that make me a liar? does that make me inadequate? sometimes when i'm with you, i feel like you're constantly judging me and critisizing me. and its not that you hurt my feelings or anything. its just that you're poking me and its kinda weird. because you used to not do that. and now with all that's going on with the Allah case. you've gone silent on me.

sometimes i wish. you could just talk more. just a lil bit more. i prayed about us. our friendship. i thank God for giving me such a wonderful person in my life. but as much as you are one of my closest friend. i cant talk to you. i cant express how i really feel with you. i am constantly pent up. thats why i've turned to another friend to rant and rave causing her to think i'm a disturbed person. and i dont wanna be known as that kinda friend.

a pastor once told me that no one should go through life alone. but its sad cause sometimes it feels that way. i cant talk to anyone. especially not my family. its like we're constantly judging and competing and criticizing each of our family members. sometimes i hate my family dinners, its all so fake and tense. its so irritating and mentally exhausting. i love my family. no doubt that i'd do anything for them. but its just tiring sometimes.

i know some family members of mine read my blog. and although i find it very disturbing and slightly irritating. i cant help it. i cant do anything about it. this is where i complain and rant and go crazy. if you dont agree with what you read, tell me. if you dont like what you're reading, there's this red X button on the top right corner of your screen, click it once and voile~

school's been good. Addmath is okay. physics is okay. bio is nice. chemistry is puzzling. and my classmates are awfully noisy. ahaha. but still some people remain the same. quiet as always. which is nice to have when you need it.

i'll pray about the above. i'll continue thanking God for you. and i'll continue praying for Him to guide us. i'll also pray about the awkward situation.

prayers and dreams,
joyce

2010. need i say more?

form four. oh. form four.
why art thou so tough?

ahahaha. its the third day. and already i'm outta breath.

the homework isn't exactly homework. its more of. referrals and notes. and more of understanding the concept than to write it all out just for the sake of it. its like putting all of your knowledge and adding more layers on top and finally putting your understanding of the concept to the test.

essays essays and more essays. its all i've been hearing. hahaha. thankfully. there's bio, chem, and physics. which is challenging. but i find it sorta fun to find out why i was wrong and why that way is right and why my way will not work. it makes me smile sometimes.

my teachers are all a bit. i dont wanna judge and be all mean and look down on them. but it just seems. they all dont speak good english. they cant spell the words right and they cant even pronounciate the words right. its funny sometimes. but when their teaching, its just disgusting. you say you're a teacher, you're supposed to teach but you cant seem to get the word or the phrase right and you wanna teach us? its a bit of a wrong. but i'm just me. how would i know right?.

i have both accounts and est. how awesome. the books on my shelf. i'm speechless. never had i had all my text books fill up the entire shelf and threaten my other books to jump ship. never. but then again, as all my other form five friends have said, form four is no honeymoon. its just a big leap to reality called SPM. sigh. and i thought i could take a lil breather.

gabriel fong's in my school. how awful. another monkey to deal with. ahahahahhaha. nah. he's fun. his voice is all funny tho. and he aint that tall. he and marco get along just fine. cause their pretty much the same. ahahaha. even in the swagger department. ahahaha. all the class is my boys are weird. excluding dylan. he's the only nice one. the rest are just weird. odd. annoying. oh and melvay. he's nice too. and probably the new guy. ahahahahahah. his name is fahd. the guys call him ah fatt. like a chinese boy. its so funny sometimes.

and today, during english, everyone was introducing everyone else according to the biodata they passed up yesterday. and dylan got yiing's and jeremy got mine. and they both read ours wrong. ahahaha. they read diver's license into driver's license. ahahahahahha. and the english teacher, Teacher Elizabeth said that on my outer appearance i looked very soft and graceful and silent, while my biodata was so fierce and outspoken. and the whole class said that she should follow my biodata. ahahahahahahahahaha. so hilarious man.

i think what irritates me the most is that when someone promises you something when you get good results, and when you do, it takes them forever to get it done. FOREVER. argh.

liking someone you've known since you're young is not as simple as it looks. the hugest obstacle. finding out whether he likes you back. hahah.

live, love, life,
welcome 2010,
joyce