have you ever.....

Have you ever met that person where they seem to be perfect?

And i'm not only talking about the looks alone. I'm talking about the way they live and are around people. it seems so perfect. like everything's in control and their perfectly happy and satisfied with everything. have you ever?

Have you ever believed that they were truly perfect? truly so ever blessed?

I have.

Have you ever thought you could trust someone with all your heart? only to find it lying beneath all the lies they've spun out upon you?

I think it's happened to me a couple times too many.

sometimes i look at you, and i wonder to myself. how is it possible i trusted you?

that sheer layer of lies.

everyone thinks you're great. but i think i know now. you just hide it wayyyy better than everyone else.

i know you're reading this and you're probably wondering if i'm hurt or angry. i'm not.

i've just realised. brilliant liars like you. are people i'd never trust. and you're not the type i'd recommend to anyone either.

your technique gives me something to admire and respect on. your approach of one to one is pure genius. it has that paradox of lies between the lines of honesty. something i have yet to master.

you've got my attention. the only scary part of this situation is me actually being hooked on you.

kiss me and take away the pain,
joyce

i aint the girl next door

the song i'm sorta hooked on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-3xUmVIpy8&feature=related

my biggest pet peeve. when people just ASSUME they know everything about you. they have a reason for everything about you and every act you do. that's my biggest pet peeve. people saying "i know what you mean" when you aren't even done with your sentence. please just shut the f*** up and listen. like seriously. you do not live in my brain nor do you even understand nor live with my heart so can you just live your own life and leave mine alone!

it boggles me at why you would spread rumours about me when i've never met you! i didn't even know you existed. like really. i'm not pissed. it's more like. i'm puzzled and really frustrated why you would talk to people about me and tell stories about me when i dont know you. at all. and when i actually talk to you, you act all scared and like you're so innocent. i'll tell you what you actually are. you're dumb. you're naive. and you're absolutely clueless on who i really am and what my thoughts are actually like. so if you really wanna know, ask me. actually be someone i know or perhaps someone significant enough to fecking leave an imprint on my memory. if you didn't leave one even though you've met me twice, sucks to be you then.

i find it awfully disgusting when people go around announcing to the world how close a friendship between a group of friends can be but how often those ties are broken. i mean. if you aren't that close with all of them, why bother telling people you are? why lie? what benefits do you gain? and if you guys are as close as you say you are, why are some of them coming to me and saying that you guys aren't talking? some of you are plain rude and cold? and if its so, why cant you guys talk things over? all this drama and how unnecessary it is and how it seriously is dumb puzzles me. and if you guys cant get shit done, you know something's gonna come and hit you.

i realize that my Tumblr, Youtube and my blog is definitely my venting place. it's the one place i come to when i'm done with studying and homework. to just vent and let everything out. regardless of whether i'm really tearing up or just downright angry. it soothes me. *smiles satisfyingly*

i miss the times where we could text all the time. where we'd continue every single morning from every late night. i miss you. but i guess once again my lips are sealed tight aren't they?

joyce

wherever you may be.

to you, trying to act macho. trying to be someone else. it wont hide the fact you're lying to yourself more than everyone else. we all see through it. you're trying to be this person that none of us like. not your siblings not me not anybody. the people who are falling for you barely know the fact that love hurts and lust only lasts that long. and everyone in town knows you're the kiss and tell type. and yet they go ahead. why? simple. cause they have no dignity whatsoever. you're proud of it? yeah we know. you're filled with so much pride you fail to see.. the only person who you'll be hurt badly in the end is you.

it hurts to know the person you thought you could trust is a liar. a compulsive one. one that never says the same thing twice. constantly changing and never as loyal as they seem.

it hurts to know the person you thought you knew is someone you dont have a clue about. they say everything you want to hear. then walk away. leaving you wondering if you have any sense of rational at all.

it hurts to know when the person you truly care about is in pain. obviously right? wanna know what hurts more? when even the comfort and hugs you offer doesn't soothe them one bit.

it hurts when you hear everything you've been dying to hear, but it came just a little too late.

it hurts when the one you thought could fall in love with you was already in love with someone else.

it hurts when you think you have everything under control and you figure out everything's a lie.

it hurts when you think everyone's your friend and you find yourself alone and desolate in the middle of a crowd you thought were your friends.

what truly hurts? when you're in a relationship with someone who's in love with someone else, and you're too blind to see it.

what hurts more? trying to salvage a relationship thats already in ruins.
getting everyone to hate him/her doesnt help anyone at all.

finding yourself in one of the situation above?

wake up love. it isn't the end of the world. the world ends when you call it to.
your life is yours to make happen. you stop calling the shots? then everyone else calls them for you. your parents, your friends, your enemies, your worst nightmares and your life. by then, it'll all go spiraling out of control and the only people you ought to say sorry to are your parents because you positively owe them everything. every single bit of you. even if you dont like them any more than you dont like smelly socks.

luckily enough, life goes on. like it or not. it does. the world spins while you're lying down on the floor crying your lungs out. the days go on while you're fantasizing on your what ifs and what not. the nights go out faster while you lie in bed thinking of why not me.

Life is what you make of it. destiny, chance, fate is all up to you. it's all out there? are you willing to wake up, smell the coffee, the roses and the toast to see, smell, jump and grab them? are you willing to stop all the self pity and try it out for a chance? are you willing to get out of that hole you've gotten so comfortable in to just get a brand new shot at life? life and it's undeniable roller coaster ride?

i would. what you think i'm got the perfect life? FOR PETE'S SAKE, I DONT HAVE ONE. what you think i wrote all this from a book? from a song? from a movie? I WENT THROUGH MOST OF EM MYSELF. geez louise. I'M HUMAN TOO. urgh.

i've made tonnes of mistakes. mistakes i wish i could take back. mistakes i only wish i had never done. people i wish i had never hurt. words i wish i had not spoken of. chances i wish i had gotten hold of. mistakes that hurt more than i could possibly describe.

do i cry? do i regret? well, yeah.

but now, all i can do is avoid making the same mistake twice. all i can try to do is make them right no matter how hard or far off it may be. all i can try to do is make new opportunities for myself to be better and try harder at getting it right again.

is it possible? hell yeah. i've done several of them right.

the main question is. Do you want to make them right? Do you want to grab hold of your life again? Do you want to get up and get another chance at it?

if its yes, what the hell are you waiting for?

sometimes it's hard. sometimes it's tough. sometimes it downright cruel.
but you've gotta be better than everything else.

so go ahead. try it.

joyce

when all you feel is the need to swing your fist forward

from troubled screams to chinese new year squeals to back to school bores.

In my opinion, their all just awfully insecure and irritatingly dumb. to put it simply. if you've got something to say, just say it and be done. to let it fester and continue hurting to make yourself happy? well, that just says something about your non existent conscience doesn't it? needless to say, we know who we are and we know exactly what we've said done and seen. and we've had more than enough. so, we're just gonna sit back, relax and watch as you walk on by screaming like the mad people we know you are. happy hunting!

my extended holidays. haha. there were moments where i wished i had gotten back to kk earlier and yet when it came to near end, i immediately insisted on extending my stay. oh the wonders of my brain. spending time with old friends and my family was a really nice thing to do after not seeing them in a while. i know this year i wont be seeing them anytime soon till after SPM. that scares me. their really supportive and really good at boosting me to study. urgh.

if you really knew what i thought of you, you'd prolly stand in a corner and cry. to be perfectly honest, i never understood why either. why i bothered lying. and keeping up the acts for so long. if and only if i had been perfectly honest with you that last night. i wouldnt have to still act for everyone to see and hear from me. i wouldnt have to keep everyone smiling but myself.

i wish i'd known you sooner. earlier. well, if it was possible, earlier than last year. but hell. i only got to know you at the end of last year. haha. the thought of you makes me smile. the things you say and the way you say it. everything just makes me laugh. you're so witty and smart. but oh wells. it'll be too complicated anyhow. i'll just take the friendship road once again. as always. well if i can control myself that is. hahahahaha.

homework almost done. studies done. movie loading. food? oops gotta look for that one. haha.

just when you thought you knew me. wrong. you never will. cause you're too blind to see your very own lies.

joyce