not forgetting ya.

not only will i miss my classmates. but also my buds from form four.

Mich. Michelle Seck.
this shopaholic is the perfect person you'd wanna go shopping with. there may be a lot of shopaholics in my life. but you'll never find someone as great with advice and the patience like her. she's awesome. heeh. and she gets excited when she sees nice things which is always a good thing. haha. she's the one i turn to whenever i need a ear. she seems to always turn into humour. though she might reply late, she replies anyhow. when she cares for you, she really cares and she'll be there for you. awesome right? i know i'm lucky to have a friend like her. ahaha.

Lia. Liyana Amilin.
this girl has a voice of a Grammy award winning artist. and i truly believe if she doesnt become a pilot, she'll become a singer. a great one. when she sings, you just wanna shut up and listen. her voice is powerful and just plain awesome. ahah. she's also a hugger. like me! ahah. she's the most affectionate person i know. which is nice! she's bubbliest person you'll ever meet on the street! she's the fun kinda person. so if you're in the mood for pics, karaoke, or just plain fun, call her up! if she aint playing for a gig or singing, she's free and she's all yours boys! because if she falls for you, you're the one thats in luck!

Gina. Georgina Bentota Heiwagel.
she's someone you'll love having around. up or down. she'll bring you right back up to cloud nine. she makes you laugh whenever and wherever. she's got the wittiest comments and comebacks i've ever heard. and she's also smart and pretty. i mean. where else could you find someone like gina? and she's like no other. she's a specimen on her own. and any guy would be the luckiest guy ever to get this girl. this girl has more gut than some boys i know. she's daring, ambitious, smart, pretty, and the funniest girl alive!

to this three people. i love ya!

to cheryl and madeleine and alex. you guys know i love ya too. hehe.

going crazy just thinking,
joyce

A day out with the people you love.

you know what happens when you spend the entire day with the people whom you absolutely adore? those quirky random out-of-this-world behaviors and those crazy random fun things we all love to do? i'll tell you what happens.

you'll fall ever more deeply in love with all of em and care and overlook the flaws and see them for what they really are. that's what happened to me. Today. :D

just when i thought i couldnt fall any harder. haha. boy was i wrong.

yiing, dina, mal, sai, iffa, maroline, marco, aaron, adrian, sau, darren, stacey, russel, law vuii, izzat and patrick. that was our group outing. can you imagine how noisy we were? hahaha.

first off, school. all we did was stay in class and play music. or rather they did. i spent my time with gina and alex. hehe. after school, went home and changed. then got a ride to 1Borneo. arrived at like 1.20pm or so la. hahaha. then i stood in line with dina. we were standing there for like. well. ten minutes. then only did we realize that wasnt a line for ordering. it was like the pick up line. darn. ahahaha. had lunch and marco arrived which was quite a surprise since he didnt really actually say he was coming.

we went to the bowling alley. hehe. it was fun. amalina was like the best longkang aimer i have ever met in my entire life. seriously. ahah. it was like a competition between amalina, dina and maroline. ahahahahha. no lah. just kidding ba. ahaha. aaron, adrian and marco were awesome at bowling. marco was actually leading but lost to aaron. i mean. aaron is like a sportsmen la. marco is just. normal. ahahahahh. he is a good friend when he wants to be la. at times. ahahahah. kan mal?! ahahaha.

after bowling, yiing, nickly, adrian, marco, and all played some snooker. yiing whooped all their asses! ahahahah! me dina sai iffa maroline law vuii and stacey went for ice cream and soon after the snooker players joined in as well. we all had ice cream. and i have never seen someone eat ice cream as fast as marco. he practically gobbled it up. he ate alot la. ahahaha.

we took loads of pics. will post em up later. hehe.

we went to giant to shop for the class party. this is the first time in three years i wont be participating in the class party. well at least i shopped for the ingredients right? haha. we were the noisiest bunch of people in the whole supermarket. ahahah. we made so much noise the people were just glaring at us. we really didnt care. we bought lamb chops, chicken wings, sausages, a watermelon, juice and veggies. ahahah. and then we realized we had no time, we payed and ran to the shuttle stop. ahahahha. then stacey and law vuii acted as if the bus had left early but actually it hadn't arrived. evil o this two cute things. ahahaha.

the bus ride was definitely THE most interesting bus ride i've ever had. we practically owned the bus. since there was like 12 of us and four outsiders. we just talked and talked and talked to each other without caring for the rest of the passengers. lol. evil right? ahahahahahaha. there were two funny convos throughout the ride.

One.

Adrian Marco Me
joyce, what to do with the lamb?
huh? what?
laughing. take the lamb eh.
i'm not cooking. you take it.
give it to yiing la.
let marco do some work la.
you didnt invite me to lunch oso.

as if inviting him to the luncheon would have made a difference. in the end. he said he's not coming to the luncheon. such a weirdo o him. sigh. i feel sad for him. hahahah.

Two.
Adrian Marco Me
joyce! ...... can i go pee?
WHAT? why are you asking me that?
cause i'm following your car....
hahaha..... its not like i'm going to leave you behind la..
so can?
yeah!
joyce! can i go pee?
why you asking me?
cause you're like a mom.

the worst part about these two convos. it was on the bus. loud and clear. especially marco's comment on me being a mom. ouch much marco.

but i guess it made the bus ride a whole lot more fun than being all sad and quiet. ahahah.

when we arrived in warisan, the boys took off running for the washroom. they really disappeared. it was hilarious. they even took the lamb chops with them. ahahahahhahaha.

stacey's boyfriend patrick and mal's boyfriend russel were ridiculous la. ahahaha. when we got off the bus, they asked me where we were going? so i said. to the boardwalk? patrick thought i said the bar. ahahahahahahhahaha. then when i asked them where they were going? they said they wanted to sit by the road. i was like. erm. ooookkkkkaaayyy. ahahahahahhahaha. so funny o. and when i asked about greg, they said he's in kl. i said i was leaving for kl tmw. they thought i'm gonna meet up with greg. LOL. ahahhaha. very funny la your boyfriends.

after that, marco left with darren and sau left. so all that was left from 12 people was down to two. me and adrian. hehe. we were in times. we met steve and audrey. nice people. adrian bought me a book! ahahhaha! recommended by michelle seck! its called thirteen reasons why. am gonna read it on the flight. ahaha.

today. was. awesome. spending time with my favourite people. haha.

tmw. my flight is at four. am having lunch with some people again before leaving. i'm so nervous. and sad. i dunno how i'm gonna cope not crying. haha. i think i'm gonna cry hardest at leaving people like yiing, tanya, mal, dina, stacey, iffa, maroline, sai, law vuii, adrian, aaron, marco, dylan, gina, michelle, lia, cheryl, and maddie. how am i gonna survive not seeing em for two months.

aw darn. stupid tears. making me feel all hot and stuffy.

i'll miss you so much. to all of ya'll. i'll come back!

tears or dreams, which do i pick?

torn in between choices,
joyce

Football and handball. hehe.

Wednesday.

We had the football match. We lost. Not that bad la. But well. I could have done better. Could have tried to contain my anger towards him. But I guess when you load a pistol, you’re better off shooting it right? I dunno. I guess. Anyhow, we lost by one score due to penalty. Darn. Darn their legs. Ahahahahaha. It was uber fun tho. Playing with all my lovies. Yiing is awesome at sports. Am so envious of her. Ahaha.

We drew on our faces with natalie’s eyeliner. The pictures can be found at stacey’s blog. She has a real nice camera. Hehe. Had fun taking pics. I think my favourite pic has to be this one. I dunno. I think its cause its just us. The gang.

Mal, yiing, me, iffa, dina, maroline, sai and Stacey. This whole year. The people in this photo have saved me from falling. From going under. These people. I cant say how much I’m going to miss them this end of the year. I’m tearing up just typing this. Haha. My mom’s shocked I’m crying while typing on the comp. but what the hell who cares. To the people in the pic: I LOVE YOU! I always will and I’ll really miss you!

Today Thursday.

We had handball. A sport I never knew existed until today. Had no idea how to play. But when I did find out, I thought well. Easy peasy cheesy shit. WRONG. It was tough. Rules are you cant hold the ball and move more than three steps and you cant hold the ball for more than five seconds. Its funny cause if you hold the ball more than three seconds I guess you’ll find yourself on the floor. Players will be coming at you in all direction so the smartest thing to do is pass the ball to your fellow teammates. Yiing was awesome once again scoring a total of about six goals for our class. Hehe. So proud of her. Hehe. My friend le! Ahahaha! Gila ady this. We got to semi-finals but we lost to class AC. Cause well. The ball sorta hit past me. It hit my knee and went it. That was like ten seconds from the end of our overtime two minutes. Although we lost, we were pretty much very proud of ourselves. Cause we played a good game. It was a tough fight. Our strengths and their strengths were pretty much almost equal. I cant say equal cause they won! Ahahahah. But anyhow, it was fun playing with my classmates. All of us were yelling at each other on the top of our lungs. E.g: PASS THE BALL! RUN! GIVE IT TO YIING! GO! GET OUT OF MY WAY BA YOU! GIMME THE BALL!

It was hilarious. Although it caused me a lil over exertion later on but it was damn fun. We definitely should join the handball team. Ahaha. The referees were saying stuff like. Oi ganas o kamu. Lelaki pun kalah o. hahahahahahahahaha!

Our team cheer. Was. One two three MATI KAU! Ahahahahaha. So awesome la.

TMW. We’re going out to one b. I hope everything goes as planned and everything goes smoothly. I’m leaving on Saturday. I’m gonna miss you kkians la! Hahaha.

Tears rolling down my face,

Joyce

3AM1 !!!!!!!!! 09 edition!

3am1 3am1 3am1.

if i had to write an essay about our class. describing our class. the atmosphere and all. i think i could write an eleven page essay. the way we all mix around. the way we all are crazy, bubbly and out of this world. we're all distinctly different yet have so much in common. the way we look out for each other. the way we care for one another and help each other out.

the most amazing thing about this class. is how it affected me. how they influenced me. changed me. and i think for the better as well.

last year. when i was in school. i was a totally different person. i was egoistical, filled with pride, was always offensive and i always fought to have it my way. i never let anyone get away from insulting me without me insulting them back. i was harsh, rude and i always let them know i was of higher power. some of you may not believe that. and think. Nah, she's just exaggerating. but no. i was like that. i was mean to everyone. even my friends. looking back. i hated myself for being that way. but it never crossed my mind to change for the better. not once.

this year. it all changed. i attended church and a new class. new friends. new environment. everything that wasn't in my comfort zone. i made new friends. and as i made new friends. i realized i could be me. not the old me. but me. i could be nice and friendly and less offensive. because these new innocent people didnt know me. so i shed that part of me. i threw that filthy side of me out the window. i let me be me. i didnt insult them. i wasn't rude or harsh to them. in a way, they changed me. sometimes, they taught me the way it was in their life. and it made me realize the foolishness of my past and how i could change my present being for a better future. they pushed me to study in class. they taught me new. good ways. the best part of it all. the cherry on top of my cake was. they were all of different backgrounds. indian. chinese. sinokadazans. malays. eurasians. all of them were distinctly different.

for example, my favourite group to chill out with consist of about twelve people. Let's start off with Yiing. if you've been reading my past posts, you would realize she's a major factor of my change. for those who dont know her. here's a quick update. she's smart, talented, pretty and a great friend. she helps you when you're down and she's there whenever you need her. she's awesome. she's quiet when around strangers. immensely cold when she doesnt like you or you make her uncomfortable. but when you break down her defense wall, she's a funny and great person to hang out with. she's a sister to me. hehe. then there's Iffa Ridha. funny, smart, outrageously random and very very entertaining. her other half is Sa'idatul. if you're ever bored and you sit beside these two. you're boredom will definitely go away. they are like twins. inseparable. their funny and their humor bounces off of each other. Sai is pretty and she can sing. really well. then there's Maroline. she's a Taylor Swift fan. oh i love this girl! ahaha. she's so funny. and she makes the most hilarious moments during any of our hang outs. very memorable. like the time she mimicked the taylor swift song movement. very very funny girl. then there's Amalina. who's filled with juicy gossip and a horny person. ahahaha. no la just kidding. this girl is ridiculous when it comes to humor. she laughs when telling a joke. when she laughs, its contagious. everyone around her will start laughing! its true! there's also the Three Brothers. Izzat Ashraff aka EastZat. who's a great singer and a total clown. Mahathir aka Adew who's supposedly the heartthrob. well he has his days la. he's a clown as well. then there's Nickly who's not only a great friend but one of the most random people i've met in the entire world. ahaha. he likes to say i like eggs for no reason whatsoever which i find amusing. there's also megan. MegMeg ^^. she's bubbly, funny and a ball of joy. always smiling. her favourite thing in the entire world has to be her Mickey Mouse. hahaha. she always goes: EHYER SEE THAT MICKEY MOUSE PATUNG SO CUTEEEEE! hahahahaaha. its hilarious. but it suits her since she's cute. Next in line, Stacey Van Straten. one of the prettiest petite people i know. love her style. its very casual floral. it suits her alot. but then again. she's so pretty. pretty much anything looks good on her. her best friend is Natalie Prabha. who's also drop dead gorgeous. tall, slender and pretty. also very funny. she's crazy, bubbly and a ton of fun to be around. last but certainly not least, our very own..... DINA CYLA!!!!! hahahaha. she's absolutely the most dramatic person! when she tells a story, her actions are so loud you have to absolutely pay attention! ahahah! she's a really great artist too! very talented when doing art pieces.

this group of people. these twelve people. have influenced me. have changed me. have enlightened me. have widened my horizons.

this year. my class. was AWESOME. nothing will ever come close to this class. I love every single one of em cause their so comfortable being themselves. its so genuine that its so easy to be around them.

i'll miss these people when we get separated next year. i'll miss you.

feeling very nostalgic,
joyce

new people

installation night was much more fun cause i met new people. haha. i think.

i dressed up. wore make up and heels with my hair down and all. shocked nick speechless. ahaha. his face was priceless. mahathir's and izzat's as well. hahaha.

cut my hair and now i have a fringe. not much difference but whatever la. ahha. its there.

i met a few people. mostly michelle's church friends. their really nice people. :D

had fun with nick too. we left the ballroom to catch some air along the coastline. i took my heels halfway. it got a bit tiring. it was fun to feel the grass and the sand. very refreshing. we talked and hung out. he's a really nice guy. like a brother to me. not the way gina, daniel and cheryl made it out to be. haha.

lia was the emcee for the night. she did a good job! haha. and her dress was nice. she has the curves so she flaunted em. i guess some of us have to just live with the fact with we dont have such nice curves. hehe.

mich introduced me to her friends. carmen -pretty carmen- i met her at michelle's party back in september but we didnt really talk much. haha. brian -dude with accent- he's half danish. haha. it explains the humor and the accent. a nice guy. very funny. joshua. i dunno. didnt really talk to him or talk alot. leonie? i have no idea how to spell her name! ahah! but she's a ton of fun! haha. andrew. pretty boy? yeah pretty much. didnt really talk to him much too.

the way the night ended wasn't too nice. since it was pretty much all screwed up. i dunno why but i have this aching feeling. there's this tension between lia and gina against mich. its like. i dunno. very forced friendship. i dunno la. maybe its just me. being all paranoid.

michelle seck. all i can say bout this girl is that she's amazing. she's nearly flawless. physically. she's pretty. although she claims she's fat. i say otherwise. if she's fat what am i ? ? ? she's tall, slim and pretty. argh. sometimes i'm soooooo jealous of her! she's smart. 4s4. that was when she didnt try. if she tried i'm pretty sure she'd be the same class as CKM. she's also a slight fashionista. always dressed to impress. although she claims its comfort clothes, it looks great on her. she's a great friend too. always there for you when you fall. always cheering you up when you're down. she's also someone you wouldnt wanna cross or upset. she'll snap your neck in two. literally. but then again thats a up factor. thats why i love her! ahha. she's also a great person to watch movies with. ahahah. and share juicy gossip with. hehe. oh and i nearly forgot. if you ever need someone to go shopping with, she's definitely my number one choice! ahahahaha! all in all, she's one FANTABULOUS person and thats why she's one of my closest friends! no matter what people may say, she's a great person. and you haters, you got nothing nice to say? say nothing at all!

all in all, installation night was awesome. i made new friends and got closer to my old ones.

in reminiscence of you,
joyce

mistakes.

fantasies. fantasies. fantasies.

their just thoughts. dreams that'll never come true.

i should have realized what i believed was just a fantasy. i should realized before i got myself this deep.

the important thing is that i realize it now. you're just my friends. you aren't my type. i'll never be yours either.

it was just my silly fantasy.

i'm sorry.

joyce

your own perspective.

I woke up this morning. early. or rather early for me.

the whole point of waking up early was to get to school early. BUT. because of my dad i got to school late. like ten minutes later than my initial plan.

ran from my car all the way to class to find wen yiing gone. i was like ohmycrappers she didnt.

i walked really quickly to tanya's class. while there was a certain distance. i calmed myself down. was so freakin nervous could barely hear myself breathe.

when i was near to their class, then i realized. i was frowning. then i saw tanya. i smiled and whispered in a soft barely audible voice. I'M SO FREAKING NERVOUS YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

wen yiing was standing with jeremy. i smiled and yiing and jeremy. Yiing quickly left to join tanya and they started some imaginary conversation. after i said what needed to be said. i looked at him. I was soooooo scared you have no idea. never in my entire life has a moment like that scared me. usually talking to people is my forte but this time it was outrageously creepy.

i'm so glad i said it. really. all this while, all i've ever been living with is this guilt of knowing that i hurt so many people. so many good friends that shouldn't have been hurt that way. they didnt deserve it. and he was on that list. I was such a stuck up, outspoken, pain in the ass person i would have hated me. i probably still am that person a bit. but i've changed. i kept that side of me in check.

and yeah charlotte might go yeah right. but ce you have no idea. you think you do but you dont. and for christ sake, you aren't all that bright. when you say you act stupid, i just think you are cause after acting that for so long it becomes of you whether you like it or not. too bad but oh so sorry i'm definitely not sad you are that way. :D

After talking to Ben the other day. i realized. i am not in love with you. i thought i was but truthfully. i'm not. the person i fell for isn't really you. the person i portrayed isn't you. and i dont think there is a person the way i described out there in this big big world. i thought you were perfect. but. i forgot. you're only human. you have flaws too. i still love you. but not more than just friends. today. when i saw you. you seemed real. because i finally snapped out of it. because i'm seeing you for you. you're nearly perfect for any lucky girl out there. but to me you're just my friend. my awfully good looking, smart and sensitive friend.

I realise that i may be too soft hearted towards people who dont deserve it. when i treat people nice, they step all over me and push me to the edge. when i treat them cold and mean, they get all silent and break into pieces. i'm like. what is the matter with you?. argh. but i dont care anymore. you. you have issues. you better get them resolved or i'll kill you with words i swear.

very busy week. argh.

you probably wont believe me but. i'm actually going to interact installation night!
me?. ahahahahahahahaaha. weird rite? i know.

i think thats about it. it should be about it. need sleep.

love ya hotties,
joyce

have you ever felt the need to breathe?

you know how
when you're growing up
you always follow someones lead
or if you're leading you follow the lead
of someone else .

when you grow up
you look back and wonder
why did i do that?
why did i feel that need to do so?
and then the guilt comes running in like water.
thats how i feel.

you know when you
do something that feels so right
and then realize its wrong when its done.
you feel this immense surge of numbness.
thats how i feel.

when i was growing up
i was always under someone else's shadow
i still am.
michelle's sister.
mandy's sister.
charlotte's sister.
margaret's daughter.
jason's daughter.
always under their thumb.
you're constantly squirming.
always fighting.
but just never free.
i guess i'll never know freedom with no lines attached.

i guess its just so.

wonders of the world,
joyce

pass the panadols please...

for someone as smart as me. when it comes to problems like you and you and you. even Albert Einstein would have a heart attack trying to solve the problem.

you think just cause you're older you get to push me around? DAMN STRAIGHT YOU'RE WRONG.

no one pushes me around okay? once in a while if i'm in a good mood, fine. its okay.
but going into my room and trashing it and then calling me a pig is UNACCEPTABLE you moron.

it isnt your room anymore. you cant just move away and still call it yours. you moved in to the new room and now thats your room. the old room is MY room now. wake up and smell the roses. you think i'm the bane of your life? YOU ARE THE BANE OF MY LIFE. YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT. you cant just walk into a room and say its yours just cause you like it. if thats so i would walk into trump tower and call it mine. use your god given brain la please.

you tell me you're some kinda big shot and how you bully people? aw please. the story is getting a bit old aint it? but since your head is so big i just kept quiet and let it continue growing with impatience. while you stomp your way to the top, one day when you're already at the top, i'll be waiting for a person to push you into the ravine and make sure you'll never be able to get up.

karma is a bitch. you said it yourself. now be prepared to face the consequences of your choices.

angry and ready to fight,
joyce

part of me screams for joy.

when it finally arrived, the girl screamed for joy and ran towards her gift with squeals of excitement and wonder.

that was my initial reaction towards my freedom. ask my classmates what i did when the teacher finished collecting the papers and they'll tell you i skipped towards the stairs. hehe.

i spent three days in a row out with my friends. its a first for me. usually i'd turn down at least one night due to my parents or my own self control. but this time its like. i felt the rush. the adrenaline rush. and to my surprise my parents didnt mind. as long as i came home before twelve it was fine. a lil like cinderella except my carriage doesnt turn into a pumpkin but my face does turn red. hehe.

later yo,
joyce

ohmygawd. i miss you!!!!

if there was just one small lil word for the feeling i feel now. one word. it would definitely be.

FREEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!

HAHAHA. i'm so happy.

i woke up at five. FIVE a.m. ahaha. too freaking excited for the paper to be over.

i studied until 6.10. then i went downstairs. my parents weren't awake yet. i ate cornflakes while watching mtv breakfast. it was truly my morning fix. hahaha. its my drug. and its legal.

then my mom came down. i drank a lil juice then left for school. 90 percent of my classmates were buzzing about out freedom than to our last paper which was kemahiran hidup. ahahahaha. books were open but none of us were reading.

our favourite invigilator/pengawas came in. me dina and iffa started smiling. she's pretty and she's really graceful. seriously air stewardess ish. and she wears some really nice shoes. nude coloured pumps. obviously new since the price tag was still stuck onto it. didnt wanna embarass her so me and dina giggled silently. she even took our papers earlier. Dylan and all of us screamed when she left our class. MERDEKA or HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

it was all a rush. all we've worked for. the months of confinement. agony. burden. pressure. all released. relieved. let go. i jumped for joy along with everyone else. we were soooo happy.

got home. showered. got ready. went out with mich. one b. darn. we need new places and new things to buy. we went all over but there was like nothing to buy. we ate loads tho. hehehehe. well, comfort is key. ahaha.

we went to harris. found hilarious books and mags. soooooo funny. one book title was SINGAPORE EROTICA. a book on erotic stories by singaporeans. tell you the truth. my conception about singaporeans are. their all very narrow minded. or. their very conventional. very safe and you know like not out there. So you can pretty much guess my expression when i first read the title. my eyes went huge mouth gaped open. ahhahahahahahaa. me and michelle flipped through it and the opening we did was in the center and the story was around a girl named michelle. HAAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHA. sooooo funnny man. the salesgirl thought we were mad. but who cares?!?!

we went for a drink. at Simply Chocolate. the chocolate was nice. the hot chocolate. very soothing and warm. hahaha. spent a dubious amount of time gossiping tho. she left at five. ahahah. i had to wait till seven ish for my mom and sister to join me for dinner. spent my time at starbucks. reading the book me and michelle split. Beach Blondes by Katherine Applegate. its good. its a sequel sorta book. but its good. while waiting, i met two hongkong couples. they were amazed i spoke cantonese. cause at first i spoke english. ahahahahaha. well looks can be deceiving i guess. ahahahaha.

Tomorrow is another busy day for me. Noon i have a vid shoot for youth. Evening i have to hit the gym with mich and vern. Night i might go to Izzat's open house. oh dearie me. ahahahaha.

staying up all night tonight. by all night i mean until 3 or so. heheh.

love ya babe,
joyce