The hardest thing is....

Most of my friends are older than me.

Unfortunately for me, most of them are leaving next year.

To say I'm sad would be a huge understatement.

I'm really sad and seriously scared cause I can't imagine my final high school year without them. They've been there for me whenever I needed them and they've always made me laugh even when i'm in tears and still choking on my sobs.

Next year i'm form five. It would be the scariest of all high school years. Mess up in your final year and it might be all Hell from there on.

To say i'm scared would be a major crash on my descriptive likings. I'm petrified. Terrified. Horrified.

Friends are my only fall back plan. and without them, I'm not too sure I'll stay standing that long.

I know I have friends in my own year and yes, they are awesome and they are really great too. But it isn't the same. I've been with this particular group since I got into high school. I mean. It's not a clique or anything but we're just close. We all know each others' secrets and flaws and likings. We all know each others' family backgrounds and past relationships.

To say I'm nervous would be the least.

Their not just friends to me. more like family. and even though we aren't blood related, it still hurts to know that i won't be able to see them nor spend time with them as part of my daily life anymore.

so yeah.

I'm jaded that way. i'll miss you so much.

the hugs and kisses weren't enough,
joyce

the unshakeable feeling

So, my birthday was just a day ago. It was a blast. All my friends wished me and my ever awesome sister and my awesome brothers surprised me and showered me with a bash~

Everything from a great day out with my friends from school and their awful jokes to a night out with close friends that know just when to dunk you into the pool and make your shoes float in the pool~

My birthday may not have been decked out in the best but it was pretty much the best i've ever had :)

I may not have gotten a baby blue Hummer with jet-skis or a mercedes but i spent the day with the best people ever :)

So, yes. Thank you for making the day ever so sweet~

By the way, i have got the same birthday as Taylor Swift and it's also International Ice Cream Day!

giggles in between kisses,
joyce

You will never be....

Have you ever started the day off with such positivity that your smiles seems to brighten everyone else's but by the end of the day you feel so low so down your tears just come crashing down for no reason? and all you can do is sit there and cry. and just think what the hell is wrong with yourself.

Today, for me, is one of those days.

I started off the morning with cookies. I was baking cookies. Choc chip cookies. I was just extremely bored and exceedingly happy. After three batches, my mom whisked me and my sister off to get some chores. We picked up Alvin just for fun. I adore his dog. It's extremely cute and it is extremely friendly~ doesn't even bark at you.

Continued my baking session in the afternoon, by this time, i started to feel slightly down but i just kept going. I just wanted to shake it off. I tried my best but by evening I just felt immensely down.

Call it hormones or puberty. whatever you want. I just don't feel good today. right now.

I just feel sad. I watched How I Met Your Mother and 90210 and Vamp Diaries. By then, i would be giddy with joy. But for some reason, the more i watch, the more the tears come pouring down my face. All i feel like doing is crying. i just dont feel happy.

To make things worse. Everyone else in the house is happy. positively happy. i just keep smiling and giggling. and the longer it goes on, the more the guilt and pain piles on.

I want to be happy. I want to laugh along sincerely.

I just. I dont know anymore.

can you make me laugh?
joyce

self defence or stupidity?

As a high school student, and better yet, as a teenage girl in high school, there will never be a dull moment. there will never be a moment without the gossip mongers, the bitch fights and the disillusioned friends. there will be constant spats and fights and splits.

I know of a girl who seemingly loves to scream vulgarities at others and make her friends her victims of abuse. She used to be an okay girl. Or rather, that's what i thought.

I got to know her at the very moment of which she was dumped by a good friend of mine. I would describe him as good friend material but a horrible boyfriend. Hahaha. He's a great friend in fact. He talks abundantly and makes you laugh just when you're close to tears. But. But as a boyfriend, he refrains from showing you affection and tends to lean toward freedom more than ever. Therefore, my conclusion of him being a horrible boyfriend.

ANYHOO, this particular girl has made everyone who's ever known her hate her. excluding her family of course. although nobody knows for sure. haha.

she's, someone i would call, a psycho bitch. why? you ask.

first, she becomes your friend. she acts all caring and throws I love you's all around. second, she sticks to you like a lifeline. she will act as if you've been BFF's since the 1900. Third, she'll try to know ALL about you to seem as if she is your BFF. Fourth, and which you will start to notice, she will start trash talking about you behind your back. Fifth, anything you say about her, will be thrown against you and she'll scream at you.

now ain't it sweet? how she acts like such a sweet thang? but sadly the sugar melts off and all that's left is the sour truth.

she's managed to alienate all those who believed in her and was her friend. ironically enough, she parades around the sentence : i've got more friends than you.

if an elder calls you rude, the probability of you being rude is 99 to 1. which equivalents to yeah you are rude. if an elder calls you rude, you apologize and try to make it better. if an elder calls you rude, you step away from the situation, reassess and start over.

do you think she did that? hell to the no.

She daringly enough called that elder a BITCH. She daringly enough said: "who are you to judge me?"

The world must have a place for all. From the socialites to the downfalls. We all have our places to sit. Society works in wonderful ways. Though we stand in different spots, we connect just the same.

I used to believe in her. I used to stand up for her. I used to be her friend.

That was before i myself was trashed and thrown upside down. Thankfully, i have friends who stuck beside me all the way and stood up for me. and helped me see that she was no friend to me. if people alienate you and you truly stand alone, there has to be something wrong with you. seriously.

Friends come and go. but true friends stay forever unless you mess up really horribly.

wishing you luck,
joyce

UNICEF Child Abuse

If you're an avid reader, and you like reading books that help put your life in perspective, read the book : The Child Called It. It's one of a trilogy series. and it's a true story. The book broke me down to tears as it frightened me of how cruel we truly can be.

Statistics show that a report on child abuse is made every ten seconds. but that's just someone reporting it. what about child abuses that aren't being reported? what about those suffering in pain?

Almost five children die everyday as a result of child abuse. More than three out of four are under the age of 4.

That's what i mean. they cry, they cry for help and they cry for hope, they cry for all the pain to stop.

The worst part of it all is that the abuse doesn't stop with them. most of them will go on later in life abusing their own children or their partners. most of them will end up being criminals and alcoholics or drug addicts. most of them will end up hurting someone else to ease the pain they've felt over all those years. because abuse isn't once in a blue moon. abuse happens to those every single day. and the abuse doesn't stop there. it haunts them forever.

Child abuse is a severe crime. It causes terrible repercussions in their lives, most of which will have psychological disorder due to their abuse.

Join UNICEF now and stop child abuse. http://uniteagainstabuse.my/register

you might just be able to save someone's life. register now.

UNICEF: Stop Child Abuse Now!

UNICEF: Stop Child Abuse Now!

Disappointments in Life

Have you ever waited upon a surprise?
Only to find that the surprise was a downpour of disappointments.

But that is Life. Expect the unexpected.

Most importantly, don't take anything in life for granted.

Cause even when you're at the lowest point in life, and you're stuck in a corner crying your heart out, the world keep's moving on.

The world is ever changing. so is Life and Love. so is Change.

My sister Char just got chicken pox. yes, she did. now she's all spotty and red. and she's quite emotional. I don't blame her. if i was twenty one and i got chicken pox, i wouldn't be able to sleep either.

Disappointment one: not having the guts.

If you know me, sometimes, i seem like such a jumper, I jump at all things opportunity. I'm quite the opportunist. I jump at chances and take leaps. at times, well most of the time, I fall right smack on my face. and i get up reaaaaal slow. at times, i fall safely on my feet with a huge smile on my face.

and then there are times where i don't do anything at all. All i know to do is stand and stare. Those moments are moments where i am consumed with fear and doubt. When the chance has passed, those doubts turn into regret. And all sorts of regret of what if's. What if i had jumped at the chance? What if i had taken the plunge?

Disappointment two: not having the chance at all

This disappointment is rather petty but is disappointment none the less. It could be someone ditching you for their partner, someone just ignoring you, your friend striking the lottery or someone having the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend.

Not having the chance at all meaning. the time it's actually being thought upon and not eternity. having to sit in front of a couple and smile at them with that thoughtful smile. hiding behind that smile is the thought of why isn't that me. when will that be me.

This disappointment doesn't last long. it's replaced with other thoughts on life and it's events.

Disappointment three : having it stolen

This disappointment may hurt the most. yup, having it stolen. It could be an idea, a giftcard, a friend or maybe even a sentence you were about to say. It hurts and it's something you want to telltale about but you know it'll ruin things further. Having someone steal it from you hurts you and leaves your mouth wide open. It's not a very beautiful sight. but it's one you make anyways.

this usually happens when you tell someone how excited you are about it and how fantabulous it is and you giggle about it. or when you have good intentions of sharing and then having it taken away. yup and you feel that sudden loss of words or thought. And all you can say is. oh. or the worst. you have to smile at that person and hold your head up high as if it never happened.

That disappointment is quite a shock. and it'll linger in your memory from time to time.

Life is like that sometimes. it's a roller coaster filled with shocks, screams, giggles and silence.

cant wait for you to be mine,
joyce