have i done wrong?

recently. i've been wondering. who am i?

the first answer: i'm Joyce Fong.

do you guys think that should have been my answer? or should i have said: i'm a child of God.

this year started off rough. not exactly what i thought. but then again, my family isnt exactly average. we're far different than other families.

my friends. they seem different. we all seem to be drifting apart instead of closer. and i recently read a friends blog. where he/she changed clubs because everyone else did. i did too. was it wrong? i didnt wanna continue in seeker's because as much as i want to continue glorifying God's name and being a disciple in His light, i cant improve myself there. i want to but i just cant. so i changed to interact. did i change just cause i want to or because of friends? my answer is no. i changed because i wanted to. i prayed about it. and i felt like i could do much more in interact.

i haven't gone to church this year. and its already the 15th. thats exactly fifteen days into the year and i have not gone to church yet. does that make me any less of a Christian than you are? does that make me a liar? does that make me inadequate? sometimes when i'm with you, i feel like you're constantly judging me and critisizing me. and its not that you hurt my feelings or anything. its just that you're poking me and its kinda weird. because you used to not do that. and now with all that's going on with the Allah case. you've gone silent on me.

sometimes i wish. you could just talk more. just a lil bit more. i prayed about us. our friendship. i thank God for giving me such a wonderful person in my life. but as much as you are one of my closest friend. i cant talk to you. i cant express how i really feel with you. i am constantly pent up. thats why i've turned to another friend to rant and rave causing her to think i'm a disturbed person. and i dont wanna be known as that kinda friend.

a pastor once told me that no one should go through life alone. but its sad cause sometimes it feels that way. i cant talk to anyone. especially not my family. its like we're constantly judging and competing and criticizing each of our family members. sometimes i hate my family dinners, its all so fake and tense. its so irritating and mentally exhausting. i love my family. no doubt that i'd do anything for them. but its just tiring sometimes.

i know some family members of mine read my blog. and although i find it very disturbing and slightly irritating. i cant help it. i cant do anything about it. this is where i complain and rant and go crazy. if you dont agree with what you read, tell me. if you dont like what you're reading, there's this red X button on the top right corner of your screen, click it once and voile~

school's been good. Addmath is okay. physics is okay. bio is nice. chemistry is puzzling. and my classmates are awfully noisy. ahaha. but still some people remain the same. quiet as always. which is nice to have when you need it.

i'll pray about the above. i'll continue thanking God for you. and i'll continue praying for Him to guide us. i'll also pray about the awkward situation.

prayers and dreams,
joyce