my week.

My week in one word. no. make that a sentence.

Terribly awful yet amusing.

three papers came back. there's no A's involved. those are my three worst subjects. aiks. B's. its an improvement. From B-minus to a B plus. i'm working my butt off here.

i miss you. why havent you come round? did i do something wrong?

i miss you gma. aunty Ai Lian is right. the pain of losing someone doesnt come straight away, thats the initial shock of loss. it comes creeping in. seeping into your every thought. tugging at your every conscience. nudging at your work. touching your soul with softness. but all at once. when it comes. there's no avoiding. there's just you. you and your thoughts. your memories. your pain. nothing. nothing at all can soothe you. no one can comfort. no matter how right. how accurate their words may be. its your thoughts. your memories that will only carry you through that time. only You, God and your soul.

Its that stupid board in front of the school office thats scaring the crap outta us. counting down the days to our exams. as if we dont have that biological clock fixed in our head counting and constantly reminding us. constantly worrying us. now, you add on to that pressure with that dumb board. stupid people. argh.

i am not scared of you. because i have dont nothing wrong towards you. i walk with my head held high. if you say i'm proud, it just shows how much you dont know about me. and no. that isnt my fault. its yours. and for all the others, if you decide to follow her, i dont lose anything. in fact, i gain from your actions. it proves to me where your loyalty stands. and once you go out, i can go get new friends. better, smarter, and prettier or better looking. :D how wonderful life is.

it was a good week. but i can do better. and i will.

with my head held up high,
joyce