Stop. Wait. Look at me. Okay. Come on in.

party all night. sleep. wake up. repeat.

2011-12-08T04:22:00.000-08:00

IT IS FINALLY DECEMBER!

the month that brings a smile to almost everyone's face. the presents. the joy. the warmth. the memories.

with high school behind me, I can truly say that it's been one HELL of a ride. the ups outnumber the downs and I truly thank God for all the blessings in life.

I thank Him for placing beautifully talented and warm people in my life. Blessing me daily with His grace and giving me opportunities of a lifetime. I thank Him for my family and how we've grown so much stronger as a family this year.

2011 has been a great year. I managed to do so much that I set out to do and I even picked up some lessons that only a handful will ever even comprehend. For that, I am truly blessed and grateful.

For friendships, I learnt that in life, no one will stay by your side forever. from time to time, they will leave. for you to grow and for them to grow as well. Change is forever. nothing remains the same.

For love, being single has its perks. there isn't the constant fear of falling out of love. there is no doubts in your partner because he or she is nonexistent. hahaha. and the best of all, you need not worry so much about anyone else but yourself :) and that's a huge enough job on its own.

For life, I've learned that a huge part of it depends on you. it's not about luck. i mean yeah that too. but like. it's a minor part. the huge part is in all the decisions you make. every single one. from the moment you wake up and get out of bed, to the moment your head hits the pillow 16 hours later. it all depends on the in betweens and the side lines.

most importantly, I learned that life is selfish. in the end, the only person that really matters in life. is you. the fairytales about how in life, your significant other is the only person who truly matters is just that. a fairytale. i'm not saying that it's not possible. it's just rare. in the cold dark and very harsh world today, its each man for his own. and in my case, woman :)

but i am happy. i truly know who my real friends are. who are the people who will stick with me thick and thin. I know that despite distance and time, how long its been since we last talked, or how hard it is to communicate (e.g: one half asleep, the other completely awake), that the bond remains solid as steel. that we were able to talk about anything and everything. that we were able to laugh and cry our way through the year. that despite everything else in life, we still managed to turn to each other for that smile and a simple hug.

I'm glad. really glad. and I hope you are happy with 2011 too.

and even if it was a truly crappy year, like you stepped on shit three times in the same day, or your phone was so crappy you were desolate for days, or you went through the worst relationship anyone could ever dream of, that you take it in stride :) LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, YOU ARE STILL ALIVE OKAY. you have friends. you have family. you have a roof over your noggin. you still have clothes. OH AND DONT FORGET ZE FOOD. hahaha.

smile. thats when you look best :)

Love,
joyceeeeee

the essay i wrote.

2011-08-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

Walking out of the cinema, she laughed along with her friends. Most of them were mocking how the movie line was so predictable. It always started of with the pretty girl being the villain, the handsome boy who was the conquest and the ugly girl who was being bullied by the pretty girl. It had to also end with the handsome boy falling for the ugly girl. Their laughter was short lived as their own thoughts consumed them. Was the plot really so funny and predictable or was it a relatable dream?

She wasn’t an outstanding beauty nor was she hideous; she was your typical plain Jane. Amongst her friends, she hardly stood out. In fact, the boys would usually always pick her prettier and slimmer friends. It was not like her to shy away from the lime light, but she didn’t hog it either. So while everyone around her was busy with their current beaus’, she simply stayed single.

She simply didn’t believe in love. She had plenty of male friends and the occasional interested admirers whom which she would convince to stay just friends. She knew friendship was far more valuable than teenage love. Her friends called her pessimistic but she knew she was just being realistic.

It all stemmed from her parents’ failed marriage. They were high school sweethearts and dated a decade before actually tying the big fat knot of love and commitment. Twenty five years later, they were bitter and divorced. She knew well enough that they once loved each other very much. It scarred her nonetheless. It scared her that the woman, who was once her strong confident mother, crying night and day in the shock and loss of a love once shared, could be her. It scared her that loving someone could be so utterly painful.

Friday night was always a busy night for the campus diner. She walked in with her notes and scouted for an empty table. Lady luck was on her side as a love infused couple walked out hand in hand was from a corner table.

As she settled down comfortably, a tall guy came to clear her table. As their eyes met, recognition flashed before them. She felt a stir in her heart as it skipped a beat. He flashed a smile with those eyes and that iron clad armor surrounding her heart melted. He was the leading achiever in the Law course. He was also rumored to be the bachelor no girl could get. As she snapped out of her thoughts, she cleared her throat and uttered a hello that was certainly too high pitched.

As he took her order of French toast and coffee, they made polite conversation. She knew he was simply being friendly but something urged her to ask him along for a drink. He politely declined due to the fact he was still on shift. Blushing a dark shade of red, she smiled and quickly looked away.

That night, after the buzz of the crowd died away, there they sat, under the lighting of fluorescence with the music of the late Elvis playing softly in the back ground, the comfort of velvet cushions and fries, she realized that she was just as much of a hopeless romantic as he was. Ashamed with this new revelation, she listened silently and intently as he unraveled the explanation of his bachelor status. He simply explained that there wasn’t a girl yet in his life that could amaze and shake him to the core. She smiled a shy smile as that small truth sent shivers down her spine.

Slivers of the shade red, blue and purple intertwined with the ball of fire as it immersed itself into the Caribbean Sea, as she sat there feet crossed under her. The memory of them and how they first met lies fresh in her mind. Almost a decade ago was when they first met. A smile spread slowly across her face as she flashed through their time spent together.

He was the first of many to break through her wall. He stayed by her despite her insistent pushes and shoves. He listened and said nothing while she opened up slowly. He held her close and tight as she cried in front of him for the first time. He spent every moment of his free time making her smile and laugh. He carefully arranged to spend their Valentine’s Day together. He thoughtfully picked out presents for her and her family as if they were his own. Each moment they spent together was cherished abundantly. As she twirled her hair around her fingers, she realized he was the epitome of every girl’s dream.

Strong and tan arms snaked around her waist tightly from the back, and a laugh broke from her as she instantly felt the rich feeling of love spread through her. His love was ever so blissful to her. As he kissed her hair and whispered sweet nothings to her, she turned to take a look into those emerald blue green eyes speckled with gold. Those eyes that bore into her soul, those eyes that still stared her down while she tried to hide, those eyes which loved her every insecurity inside and out. Those eyes which mesmerized her from the first look.

A decade later, it was blissful and sincere love which was why this careful daughter of a careless man dared to love. Through thick and thin, medical and law school, that he swore to love her forever and always. And in him and God, she learned to have faith and believe. To believe in the one thing she swore she never believed in. Love.

sometimes i believe that perhaps one day i'll have it all just like this. but i think i know better than that. :) the truth doesnt just hurt. it scars you. and as it scars you, it makes you do silly things. it can make you say and do things you will regret forever but know it's all too late. sometimes with family and friends, you unknowingly hurt them and are hurt and you do things in a haste of emotions. but somehow or rather, you always make amends. but this time idk. i dont wanna watch you go down this road anymore. i want you to change. i dont wanna see you suffer anymore. thats all i pray about and want for you. is it that bad?

society and it's screw ups

2011-08-12T07:26:00.000-07:00

you think our country is bad? you complain all about the screwed up education system, and our rich politicians and the bad cops. well i'd really rather that than to what i see in every country as it is. Egypt's constant riot at the loss of its government ruling. The psycho guy who killed like 80 Norwegian people at a youth conference. America's rising debt and the downfall on the rest of the world's economy including ours mind you.

but what truly made me sick. is this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNh-fTv1Gm8

it's the malaysian guy who got mugged. people actually came up to him in the riot PRETENDING TO ASK HIM IF HE BLOODY IS OKAY. but were actually ROBBING HIM! they came from behind and were all concerned about him when they just opened up his bag and look into his jacket and back pocket. how bout that.
that's the epitome of getting kicked in the gut while you're down.
and the dude is actually gonna finish his studies there. he sure is one hell of a tough guy.

I know. every nation has it's glory moments and it's downfalls. but the downfall for britain and this riot. it's true nonsense. it's simply hooligans running free on the streets and asking for what exactly? NO CAUSE, NO SLOGAN, NO MESSAGE, NO MOTIVE. whatsoever. it's simply a outcry for attention and people just acting up without a cause. looting and breaking things down and burning shops. it's all just a bunch of crap. but this particular crap is hurting the entire nation as well as it's economy and it's image in the world's view. it's been going on for days. and there isnt a sign of slowing down. so when exactly is this bullshyt gonna end?

everyone in the world is hitting an all time low. but no one needs more trouble. so why cant people just start working towards a better future than to do nothing but complain of the current? If people actually really truly want a change, they should start working towards it. not causing riots and holding violent demonstrations. thats just pure idiocracy.

sometimes people really really really do not realise the good things they have until it really is all too late and gone.
joyce

worth the fight

2011-07-06T04:38:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been talking to alot of my classmates and i realised. we all face difficult situations in life. some worse than others in terms of difficulty. but to each their own, you cant say anyone's life is easier than your own or harder than your own. you aren't them nor they you. everyone's got their own ups and downs. and we all have our own expectations and realities. dreams and failures. and somehow i feel reassured. i guess. i'm just normal in terms of being a teenager going through potholes and getting up and moving on. or learning how to.

dreams and ambitions. parents have this expectation of their children. some dream of just a peaceful and harmonious life for their kids. other dream of the better life in terms of financial stability. some dream of the jobs they pray their children enter into. but as human as we are, we all have flaws. and occasionally, we overlook the fact that children have the right to choose. we all do. it's a basic human right. to choose and have a choice and opinion on life. our life. our paths to pave and our dreams to recreate. and yes i do not deny the fact that having our parents there to guide us and lead us and give their opinions and spare us from falling out or falling into the wrong paths. but it does not mean you dictate our every move and decision on life. perhaaps you say as a teenager our mental capability isn't as mature or experienced enough to make the right ones. but it is our choice nonetheless to make those mistakes. life is all about learning and how far in our life can you really protect a child from mistakes. how can they learn in that manner.
you cant force a child to be an engineer or a architect or a doctor. it is true that SPM is the big leap unto where our lives will lead and how it'll turn out. but the constant pressure and talks on who we should be instead of just living as who we already are is just utterly uncomfortable. we're clearly capable of knowing the truth on life and how hard it is. we know. years have passed, and slowly but surely, most of us have matured and learnt the truth on work and life. the constant lectures on how to be a PROPER person can be told. but not repeatedly. and what is the definition of a proper person? how can you define a person? people change daily. you cant keep it a square. life's a journey. we're merely a boat in the wild ocean.

sometimes i wonder. if this is all a test. a test of patience. of faith. of hope. of prayer. and of my strength. if it is. i hope i do pull through. i hope i live through all this and look back and see strength. i hope i look back and realise you weren't a missed chance. perhaps only a matter of bad timing. really bad timing.

i miss the feeling of being hugged and held safe.
joyce

that fallen feeling of being numb

2011-06-01T04:37:00.000-07:00

I think the worst part of trusting a person is not knowing when it might be wrong. Knowing that it was a choice you made that turned out to be a mistake entirely made by you and you alone. Looking back, i made one too many of those mistakes. I trusted people I should have known all along would hurt me. People who already seemed shady to me and yet I plundered through thinking I could change them. There's this chinese saying that. Moving mountains are easier than changing human behaviour. I totally believe that.

Being a parent is the toughest job ever. fo sho. I mean. you not only have to care for a person, supply their needs, you also have to look out for them, protect them from harm and be a good role model to them. and you're only human. that means you'll have flaws. but does that mean that you should be forgiven repeatedly for the same mistakes that you made to your children? does that give the parent the higher hand of hurting them without the child's voice being heard out? i mean. if we have our opinions, we deserve to voice them out right? especially when it concerns our being? it's basic human rights. we were not born into the world to be shot down daily and bore down by your anger.

no words. the tears cant even make room for more. i miss that feeling. the endless feeling of being loved. cherished. i miss it alot now. i dont miss it from any particular person. but i miss it in general. now that i see alot of it going around. i miss it alot.

thanks to marco! I've got all the songs i've wanted in my phone. love that boy although he can be suchhhhh a blur person at times. and he says the weirdest things. :) informative tho.

don't make promises you can't keep. don't act like you're strong when you're all broken inside. you're only human. and i like you for being human okay.

follow if you wanna. cause i wont wait around.
joyce

sway to the rhythm of love

2011-05-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

have you ever wanted something so bad but the moment you've got it, someone else comes along and ruins it for you? i'm having a few of those moments this year.

State Level English Debate. haha. yeah i made it all the way to state. haha. after two and a half years worth of reading, talking, researching, typing and writing, not to mention hours of fighting and insults, we finally made it that far. to be honest, competition in KK is crazy tough. Each school team knows the opponent teams. and that makes it that much harder and more competitive. The phrase 'ignorance is bliss' is where it really shows. ahahah. unfortunately, after someone's blunder of anger, we lost to Sung Siew, Sandakan. the only thing i can say is that we had a really good learning experience. and to those of you who are from Sung Siew and reading this, i have to say that your school put up an awesome fight against us. and i wish your team the best. really.

Love. haha. yeah i'm actually gonna talk about it again without mentioning which one. it makes your people who actually read this wonder who. pffft. so busy body. :P haha. anyhow. well, to be perfectly honest, i'm jealous of her to the max. i know she's never had one. but it doesn't give her any right to leave you hanging every time. but since you're so hung up on her. go ahead. she comes from a place reknown for pain and nothing less than six degrees of drama anyway. aside from him, there's you. gawd. you say i'm your number one girl. then what is she? my replacement? seriously? my guess is you really dont know what love is and you think by being a fwb is cooler. haha. you have no clue do you? and then there's you. at first, it was really awesome. the way we'd flirt all day and night. but now it's getting really weird. are we really just like flirt buddies? or is there something more? and are you game for more?

friends. to be perfectly honest, i like the way things are now. i get to jump all over place. and the lalas aren't too bad at the moment. i mean aside from the occasional miscommunication. ahahaha. i know you guys have some twisted friendship going on. but to be honest, from the outside looking in, it's hella lot worse. you guys hurt each other all the time with no apologies at all. and i see tears and disappoint but of course neither sides will fess up so why bother right? but still. its sad to see such friendships going on. it seems kinda fake right now. not that i'm sayin any of you are, you guys are really awesome individuals. but i do see some of you getting hurt. and it's saddening really.

dreams. i think we all should wake up and realise we've got only ourselves to help us. us and God. and no one else. everyone else in our else will be temporary. i know i sound evil saying that. it's as if i'm ungrateful but it's true. everyone else will use and throw us away. i'm getting it everyday. but i just smile. our dreams are up to us to make happen. depending on anyone else is just a huge mistake. really. our friends are only there for us to help guide us. not make our pathways. thats for us to make happen.

yes i'm in the sad angry jealous mode. hahah. deal with it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=herLMUn2-U0 dance crazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWiwuiT58Yc makes me hopeful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fzv3BfO0Xc makes me smile

sometimes the truth is ironic
joyce

i'll stay running from love

2011-04-15T23:33:00.000-07:00

i think. winning isn't the most valuable aspect in any competition. i think the knowledge gained is more valuable ever. but of course, winning is the icing on top of the cake. hahah. that i cannot deny.

i think it's ridiculous when a group of friends makes fun of a person till tears and yet the person who cries is totally innocent and has to apologize. Apologize for what exactly? i'm not too sure what happened. but i think from what all the bystanders told me. and what happened the following day after. that's a bit much. too much for any normal person. it' shocking really. are you really who you say you are? was it really a mistake or just a one off or was that really all four of you being your true selves? if so, then i think you should think about it for a while. did that person deserve that kind of treatment? really?

is she really The One for you? think about it. if all your friends, guys and girls, have something about her which they dislike, something which repulses them, something which makes them think twice about being around, why would you still go for her? she left you. twice for another man. she cut you off from your friends. she makes you suffer. what good has she actually brought into your life? you currently have little friends left. even your childhood friends dont want to pick up your calls anymore. doesn't that make you realise that she's no good for you? we aren't being judgemental here. this is the truth. she's just using you. she's treating you like shit too. and you love her? really?

you think you're so smart being a bitch to everyone. watch out man. Karma's a bigger bitch than you are. and i hear she hates bitches like you.

trying too hard don't you think? he's mine. you can try. but you'll only fall flat on your face okay. so good luck!

you think i like you? puh-lease. you're shorter than me. disgusting to the max dont you think? and the fact you're a player? just shows you're public property more than ever.

good luck getting out of trouble this time.
joyce

forgetting someone

2011-03-27T03:47:00.001-07:00

So sorry for not updating. haha. Life got in the way. everything from IU day to tests and then debate.

I think most people would think that guys get over girls much faster and they seem to apply to every single guy. but i think you should know that not all guys are major jerks. not all of em are heartless bastards. i'm not saying there aren't jerks and bastards around. but i am saying that. not all males are brainless and heartless.

i know some guys who are downright sweet and have a heart of gold but have the tendency of falling for the girl that's a total player too. not to mention greedy and a user. i know a guy who had his heartbroken and just chose not to fall in love anymore till he's done with his twenties. sad but true.

But it is awful when you know that the other person has forgotten you. replaced you. ouch right? defo. fo sho homey.

some people have the tendency to take nothing seriously. everything they put into mind is taken lightly. that way when they leave, they aren't hurt as much. it can be both curse and blessing. they love quick but they also fall out of it quick. their always having the constant need to find someone to love. it's sad to watch when you know why.

being replaced? it hurts. cause it's only natural to compare yourself to them. thinking it's your fault. thinking you weren't good enough. but you've definitely got to stop yourself right there. if he left you, he must have his reason. if she left you, same shizz. if he/she can find someone new, why can't you? unless of course there's only the three of you left in the world. if it isn't so, then wakeup. move on.

easier said than done? i know right. but life's a constant struggle. it's a battle. but you've got to get all of yourself together to fight back. if he's still a friend to you, then take it. but dont hold him to heart anymore. just treat him like any other friend. start seeing your other friends. by that i dont mean dating other people right away. i mean try being single! go out with a bunch of friends and go crazy in the malls! just have fun being single. flirt with strangers. dance with your girlies or guys!

just know that you aren't alone. even if you think you've got the worst situation in the world. you dont. you're fine. or you will be.

for some reason, i miss talking to you. and i hope you'll call me back asap okay pluto. thanks.

just thinking,
joyce

have you ever.....

2011-02-27T01:47:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met that person where they seem to be perfect?

And i'm not only talking about the looks alone. I'm talking about the way they live and are around people. it seems so perfect. like everything's in control and their perfectly happy and satisfied with everything. have you ever?

Have you ever believed that they were truly perfect? truly so ever blessed?

I have.

Have you ever thought you could trust someone with all your heart? only to find it lying beneath all the lies they've spun out upon you?

I think it's happened to me a couple times too many.

sometimes i look at you, and i wonder to myself. how is it possible i trusted you?

that sheer layer of lies.

everyone thinks you're great. but i think i know now. you just hide it wayyyy better than everyone else.

i know you're reading this and you're probably wondering if i'm hurt or angry. i'm not.

i've just realised. brilliant liars like you. are people i'd never trust. and you're not the type i'd recommend to anyone either.

your technique gives me something to admire and respect on. your approach of one to one is pure genius. it has that paradox of lies between the lines of honesty. something i have yet to master.

you've got my attention. the only scary part of this situation is me actually being hooked on you.

kiss me and take away the pain,
joyce

i aint the girl next door

2011-02-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

the song i'm sorta hooked on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-3xUmVIpy8&feature=related

my biggest pet peeve. when people just ASSUME they know everything about you. they have a reason for everything about you and every act you do. that's my biggest pet peeve. people saying "i know what you mean" when you aren't even done with your sentence. please just shut the f*** up and listen. like seriously. you do not live in my brain nor do you even understand nor live with my heart so can you just live your own life and leave mine alone!

it boggles me at why you would spread rumours about me when i've never met you! i didn't even know you existed. like really. i'm not pissed. it's more like. i'm puzzled and really frustrated why you would talk to people about me and tell stories about me when i dont know you. at all. and when i actually talk to you, you act all scared and like you're so innocent. i'll tell you what you actually are. you're dumb. you're naive. and you're absolutely clueless on who i really am and what my thoughts are actually like. so if you really wanna know, ask me. actually be someone i know or perhaps someone significant enough to fecking leave an imprint on my memory. if you didn't leave one even though you've met me twice, sucks to be you then.

i find it awfully disgusting when people go around announcing to the world how close a friendship between a group of friends can be but how often those ties are broken. i mean. if you aren't that close with all of them, why bother telling people you are? why lie? what benefits do you gain? and if you guys are as close as you say you are, why are some of them coming to me and saying that you guys aren't talking? some of you are plain rude and cold? and if its so, why cant you guys talk things over? all this drama and how unnecessary it is and how it seriously is dumb puzzles me. and if you guys cant get shit done, you know something's gonna come and hit you.

i realize that my Tumblr, Youtube and my blog is definitely my venting place. it's the one place i come to when i'm done with studying and homework. to just vent and let everything out. regardless of whether i'm really tearing up or just downright angry. it soothes me. *smiles satisfyingly*

i miss the times where we could text all the time. where we'd continue every single morning from every late night. i miss you. but i guess once again my lips are sealed tight aren't they?

joyce

wherever you may be.

2011-02-16T02:41:00.000-08:00

to you, trying to act macho. trying to be someone else. it wont hide the fact you're lying to yourself more than everyone else. we all see through it. you're trying to be this person that none of us like. not your siblings not me not anybody. the people who are falling for you barely know the fact that love hurts and lust only lasts that long. and everyone in town knows you're the kiss and tell type. and yet they go ahead. why? simple. cause they have no dignity whatsoever. you're proud of it? yeah we know. you're filled with so much pride you fail to see.. the only person who you'll be hurt badly in the end is you.

it hurts to know the person you thought you could trust is a liar. a compulsive one. one that never says the same thing twice. constantly changing and never as loyal as they seem.

it hurts to know the person you thought you knew is someone you dont have a clue about. they say everything you want to hear. then walk away. leaving you wondering if you have any sense of rational at all.

it hurts to know when the person you truly care about is in pain. obviously right? wanna know what hurts more? when even the comfort and hugs you offer doesn't soothe them one bit.

it hurts when you hear everything you've been dying to hear, but it came just a little too late.

it hurts when the one you thought could fall in love with you was already in love with someone else.

it hurts when you think you have everything under control and you figure out everything's a lie.

it hurts when you think everyone's your friend and you find yourself alone and desolate in the middle of a crowd you thought were your friends.

what truly hurts? when you're in a relationship with someone who's in love with someone else, and you're too blind to see it.

what hurts more? trying to salvage a relationship thats already in ruins.
getting everyone to hate him/her doesnt help anyone at all.

finding yourself in one of the situation above?

wake up love. it isn't the end of the world. the world ends when you call it to.
your life is yours to make happen. you stop calling the shots? then everyone else calls them for you. your parents, your friends, your enemies, your worst nightmares and your life. by then, it'll all go spiraling out of control and the only people you ought to say sorry to are your parents because you positively owe them everything. every single bit of you. even if you dont like them any more than you dont like smelly socks.

luckily enough, life goes on. like it or not. it does. the world spins while you're lying down on the floor crying your lungs out. the days go on while you're fantasizing on your what ifs and what not. the nights go out faster while you lie in bed thinking of why not me.

Life is what you make of it. destiny, chance, fate is all up to you. it's all out there? are you willing to wake up, smell the coffee, the roses and the toast to see, smell, jump and grab them? are you willing to stop all the self pity and try it out for a chance? are you willing to get out of that hole you've gotten so comfortable in to just get a brand new shot at life? life and it's undeniable roller coaster ride?

i would. what you think i'm got the perfect life? FOR PETE'S SAKE, I DONT HAVE ONE. what you think i wrote all this from a book? from a song? from a movie? I WENT THROUGH MOST OF EM MYSELF. geez louise. I'M HUMAN TOO. urgh.

i've made tonnes of mistakes. mistakes i wish i could take back. mistakes i only wish i had never done. people i wish i had never hurt. words i wish i had not spoken of. chances i wish i had gotten hold of. mistakes that hurt more than i could possibly describe.

do i cry? do i regret? well, yeah.

but now, all i can do is avoid making the same mistake twice. all i can try to do is make them right no matter how hard or far off it may be. all i can try to do is make new opportunities for myself to be better and try harder at getting it right again.

is it possible? hell yeah. i've done several of them right.

the main question is. Do you want to make them right? Do you want to grab hold of your life again? Do you want to get up and get another chance at it?

if its yes, what the hell are you waiting for?

sometimes it's hard. sometimes it's tough. sometimes it downright cruel.
but you've gotta be better than everything else.

so go ahead. try it.

joyce

when all you feel is the need to swing your fist forward

2011-02-10T23:49:00.000-08:00

from troubled screams to chinese new year squeals to back to school bores.

In my opinion, their all just awfully insecure and irritatingly dumb. to put it simply. if you've got something to say, just say it and be done. to let it fester and continue hurting to make yourself happy? well, that just says something about your non existent conscience doesn't it? needless to say, we know who we are and we know exactly what we've said done and seen. and we've had more than enough. so, we're just gonna sit back, relax and watch as you walk on by screaming like the mad people we know you are. happy hunting!

my extended holidays. haha. there were moments where i wished i had gotten back to kk earlier and yet when it came to near end, i immediately insisted on extending my stay. oh the wonders of my brain. spending time with old friends and my family was a really nice thing to do after not seeing them in a while. i know this year i wont be seeing them anytime soon till after SPM. that scares me. their really supportive and really good at boosting me to study. urgh.

if you really knew what i thought of you, you'd prolly stand in a corner and cry. to be perfectly honest, i never understood why either. why i bothered lying. and keeping up the acts for so long. if and only if i had been perfectly honest with you that last night. i wouldnt have to still act for everyone to see and hear from me. i wouldnt have to keep everyone smiling but myself.

i wish i'd known you sooner. earlier. well, if it was possible, earlier than last year. but hell. i only got to know you at the end of last year. haha. the thought of you makes me smile. the things you say and the way you say it. everything just makes me laugh. you're so witty and smart. but oh wells. it'll be too complicated anyhow. i'll just take the friendship road once again. as always. well if i can control myself that is. hahahahaha.

homework almost done. studies done. movie loading. food? oops gotta look for that one. haha.

just when you thought you knew me. wrong. you never will. cause you're too blind to see your very own lies.

joyce

No tomorrow

2011-01-23T09:26:00.000-08:00

after a couple of days with friends, i realise we can never truly keep our best friends forever.

there will be those moments when you meet someone. absolutely fantastic. where you meet a person you think you'd love. where you meet someone you just know you'll love to hate to love. hahaha. where you meet someone new and totally opposite yet connectable.

and yet, you know. you know they wont be there for you forever.

you get comfy around them. you tell them your thoughts.

but once in a while, if you're lucky enough, you get the chance to meet someone new. someone more brilliant than the last.

and if you've got lady luck on your side, love just might come pouring down on you too.

i hope you'll look my way a little more now.

joyce

the good old truth sets us all free

2011-01-23T09:17:00.000-08:00

you acted as if you were her friend. you acted as if you were smart and totally worldly.

the truth is and always will be. you are nothing but a coward, nothing but a liar and nothing but a true sonovabeech.

first, you fooled us all. with your friendly attitude. i didn't like you but she convinced because she had already believed your lies.

today, we all see the truth. your entire family is a pack of wolves. lying, scheming and manipulating all the way.

the whole world knows of your lies.

you messed up once and you were lucky to survive without a hint of pain.

the real pain is knowing that the rest of the world will find out of your lies and evil doings.

i do hope you confess your sins and repent from them before it is truly too late.

you've lost all our trust. all our friendships.

this is just a warning.

take care all of you.

A whole new year

2011-01-20T00:10:00.000-08:00

So sorry dah-lings for not updating!

Three weeks into the new year of 2011 and i know it's going to be one hell of a ride!

Starting of with school, all new expectations and a whole new set of challenges, not to mention all the disappearances of my close friends!

Within a blink of an eye, it's about two weeks away from the Chinese New Year holidays! RED PACKETS HERE I COME~ and the best part! I'm going back to KL! gawsh. how i have missed that place. not to mention all my awesome mates there. :)

school has been a roller coaster. with this year being my final year, there is a whole new level of understanding to the meaning senior year. Us being the oldest of them all, and having no one else to refer nor run to, it's become a whole new challenge to be the best. not to mention the constant burden of knowing, SPM is just down the road from all our current raves.

you. you still hurt me everyday. i really do wonder if i ever understood you or did i just paint a nice picture of you for me to believe. i mean. how is it possible for you to be so cold? so freaking ruthless? I convinced everyone to be your friend and to be nice to you and not be fooled by your cold exterior. and now i'm the one facing this extremely cold exterior. I would understand your choice of not talking to me if it was a solid reason like i was mean to you or i lied to you or i back stabbed you or some drama like that. but for no reason whatsoever, me being left in the dark and treating me like i'm the bad person when the truth is the only person getting hurt is me is ENTIRELY unfair. the worst part of all is that i opened all the doors for you. and never have i gotten a solid thank you nor a smile. no hello nor goodbye. you ignore and avoid my presence. you said you wanted to be flexible you wanted a change you wanted new challenges. when did i ever stand in your way? and how come our friendship was the cost for all things new? i wouldn't have mind if we still talked or something. but being entirely closed off is something i cannot deal with. and something i cant get over with. you were my friend. now you're just someone i thought i knew. and the worst part is it hurts everytime i see you. and thats pretty much every day now isnt it.

interact club stuff. oh wow. the list of to do's is pretty darn long this year. i do hope we are as capable as we are ambitious. Merentas desa this saturday! We're selling rootbeer floats! :) absolutely love it! and then there's sports next saturday! and then i fly off to kl! woots. gotta prepare for our american IU day stall too. gotta audition for dancers! i hope we've got enough talent to accompany our ideas! and we've definitely got the wow factor for bakat this year! woots.

well, gotta go run now. clear my mind for better.

joyce

The hardest thing is....

2010-12-14T07:58:00.000-08:00

Most of my friends are older than me.

Unfortunately for me, most of them are leaving next year.

To say I'm sad would be a huge understatement.

I'm really sad and seriously scared cause I can't imagine my final high school year without them. They've been there for me whenever I needed them and they've always made me laugh even when i'm in tears and still choking on my sobs.

Next year i'm form five. It would be the scariest of all high school years. Mess up in your final year and it might be all Hell from there on.

To say i'm scared would be a major crash on my descriptive likings. I'm petrified. Terrified. Horrified.

Friends are my only fall back plan. and without them, I'm not too sure I'll stay standing that long.

I know I have friends in my own year and yes, they are awesome and they are really great too. But it isn't the same. I've been with this particular group since I got into high school. I mean. It's not a clique or anything but we're just close. We all know each others' secrets and flaws and likings. We all know each others' family backgrounds and past relationships.

To say I'm nervous would be the least.

Their not just friends to me. more like family. and even though we aren't blood related, it still hurts to know that i won't be able to see them nor spend time with them as part of my daily life anymore.

so yeah.

I'm jaded that way. i'll miss you so much.

the hugs and kisses weren't enough,
joyce

the unshakeable feeling

2010-12-14T07:40:00.000-08:00

So, my birthday was just a day ago. It was a blast. All my friends wished me and my ever awesome sister and my awesome brothers surprised me and showered me with a bash~

Everything from a great day out with my friends from school and their awful jokes to a night out with close friends that know just when to dunk you into the pool and make your shoes float in the pool~

My birthday may not have been decked out in the best but it was pretty much the best i've ever had :)

I may not have gotten a baby blue Hummer with jet-skis or a mercedes but i spent the day with the best people ever :)

So, yes. Thank you for making the day ever so sweet~

By the way, i have got the same birthday as Taylor Swift and it's also International Ice Cream Day!

giggles in between kisses,
joyce

You will never be....

2010-12-08T02:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever started the day off with such positivity that your smiles seems to brighten everyone else's but by the end of the day you feel so low so down your tears just come crashing down for no reason? and all you can do is sit there and cry. and just think what the hell is wrong with yourself.

Today, for me, is one of those days.

I started off the morning with cookies. I was baking cookies. Choc chip cookies. I was just extremely bored and exceedingly happy. After three batches, my mom whisked me and my sister off to get some chores. We picked up Alvin just for fun. I adore his dog. It's extremely cute and it is extremely friendly~ doesn't even bark at you.

Continued my baking session in the afternoon, by this time, i started to feel slightly down but i just kept going. I just wanted to shake it off. I tried my best but by evening I just felt immensely down.

Call it hormones or puberty. whatever you want. I just don't feel good today. right now.

I just feel sad. I watched How I Met Your Mother and 90210 and Vamp Diaries. By then, i would be giddy with joy. But for some reason, the more i watch, the more the tears come pouring down my face. All i feel like doing is crying. i just dont feel happy.

To make things worse. Everyone else in the house is happy. positively happy. i just keep smiling and giggling. and the longer it goes on, the more the guilt and pain piles on.

I want to be happy. I want to laugh along sincerely.

I just. I dont know anymore.

can you make me laugh?
joyce

self defence or stupidity?

2010-12-07T03:41:00.000-08:00

As a high school student, and better yet, as a teenage girl in high school, there will never be a dull moment. there will never be a moment without the gossip mongers, the bitch fights and the disillusioned friends. there will be constant spats and fights and splits.

I know of a girl who seemingly loves to scream vulgarities at others and make her friends her victims of abuse. She used to be an okay girl. Or rather, that's what i thought.

I got to know her at the very moment of which she was dumped by a good friend of mine. I would describe him as good friend material but a horrible boyfriend. Hahaha. He's a great friend in fact. He talks abundantly and makes you laugh just when you're close to tears. But. But as a boyfriend, he refrains from showing you affection and tends to lean toward freedom more than ever. Therefore, my conclusion of him being a horrible boyfriend.

ANYHOO, this particular girl has made everyone who's ever known her hate her. excluding her family of course. although nobody knows for sure. haha.

she's, someone i would call, a psycho bitch. why? you ask.

first, she becomes your friend. she acts all caring and throws I love you's all around. second, she sticks to you like a lifeline. she will act as if you've been BFF's since the 1900. Third, she'll try to know ALL about you to seem as if she is your BFF. Fourth, and which you will start to notice, she will start trash talking about you behind your back. Fifth, anything you say about her, will be thrown against you and she'll scream at you.

now ain't it sweet? how she acts like such a sweet thang? but sadly the sugar melts off and all that's left is the sour truth.

she's managed to alienate all those who believed in her and was her friend. ironically enough, she parades around the sentence : i've got more friends than you.

if an elder calls you rude, the probability of you being rude is 99 to 1. which equivalents to yeah you are rude. if an elder calls you rude, you apologize and try to make it better. if an elder calls you rude, you step away from the situation, reassess and start over.

do you think she did that? hell to the no.

She daringly enough called that elder a BITCH. She daringly enough said: "who are you to judge me?"

The world must have a place for all. From the socialites to the downfalls. We all have our places to sit. Society works in wonderful ways. Though we stand in different spots, we connect just the same.

I used to believe in her. I used to stand up for her. I used to be her friend.

That was before i myself was trashed and thrown upside down. Thankfully, i have friends who stuck beside me all the way and stood up for me. and helped me see that she was no friend to me. if people alienate you and you truly stand alone, there has to be something wrong with you. seriously.

Friends come and go. but true friends stay forever unless you mess up really horribly.

wishing you luck,
joyce

UNICEF Child Abuse

2010-12-03T00:22:00.001-08:00

If you're an avid reader, and you like reading books that help put your life in perspective, read the book : The Child Called It. It's one of a trilogy series. and it's a true story. The book broke me down to tears as it frightened me of how cruel we truly can be.

Statistics show that a report on child abuse is made every ten seconds. but that's just someone reporting it. what about child abuses that aren't being reported? what about those suffering in pain?

Almost five children die everyday as a result of child abuse. More than three out of four are under the age of 4.

That's what i mean. they cry, they cry for help and they cry for hope, they cry for all the pain to stop.

The worst part of it all is that the abuse doesn't stop with them. most of them will go on later in life abusing their own children or their partners. most of them will end up being criminals and alcoholics or drug addicts. most of them will end up hurting someone else to ease the pain they've felt over all those years. because abuse isn't once in a blue moon. abuse happens to those every single day. and the abuse doesn't stop there. it haunts them forever.

Child abuse is a severe crime. It causes terrible repercussions in their lives, most of which will have psychological disorder due to their abuse.

Join UNICEF now and stop child abuse. http://uniteagainstabuse.my/register

you might just be able to save someone's life. register now.

UNICEF: Stop Child Abuse Now!

2010-12-03T00:22:00.000-08:00

UNICEF: Stop Child Abuse Now!

Disappointments in Life

2010-12-02T23:02:00.000-08:00

Have you ever waited upon a surprise?
Only to find that the surprise was a downpour of disappointments.

But that is Life. Expect the unexpected.

Most importantly, don't take anything in life for granted.

Cause even when you're at the lowest point in life, and you're stuck in a corner crying your heart out, the world keep's moving on.

The world is ever changing. so is Life and Love. so is Change.

My sister Char just got chicken pox. yes, she did. now she's all spotty and red. and she's quite emotional. I don't blame her. if i was twenty one and i got chicken pox, i wouldn't be able to sleep either.

Disappointment one: not having the guts.

If you know me, sometimes, i seem like such a jumper, I jump at all things opportunity. I'm quite the opportunist. I jump at chances and take leaps. at times, well most of the time, I fall right smack on my face. and i get up reaaaaal slow. at times, i fall safely on my feet with a huge smile on my face.

and then there are times where i don't do anything at all. All i know to do is stand and stare. Those moments are moments where i am consumed with fear and doubt. When the chance has passed, those doubts turn into regret. And all sorts of regret of what if's. What if i had jumped at the chance? What if i had taken the plunge?

Disappointment two: not having the chance at all

This disappointment is rather petty but is disappointment none the less. It could be someone ditching you for their partner, someone just ignoring you, your friend striking the lottery or someone having the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend.

Not having the chance at all meaning. the time it's actually being thought upon and not eternity. having to sit in front of a couple and smile at them with that thoughtful smile. hiding behind that smile is the thought of why isn't that me. when will that be me.

This disappointment doesn't last long. it's replaced with other thoughts on life and it's events.

Disappointment three : having it stolen

This disappointment may hurt the most. yup, having it stolen. It could be an idea, a giftcard, a friend or maybe even a sentence you were about to say. It hurts and it's something you want to telltale about but you know it'll ruin things further. Having someone steal it from you hurts you and leaves your mouth wide open. It's not a very beautiful sight. but it's one you make anyways.

this usually happens when you tell someone how excited you are about it and how fantabulous it is and you giggle about it. or when you have good intentions of sharing and then having it taken away. yup and you feel that sudden loss of words or thought. And all you can say is. oh. or the worst. you have to smile at that person and hold your head up high as if it never happened.

That disappointment is quite a shock. and it'll linger in your memory from time to time.

Life is like that sometimes. it's a roller coaster filled with shocks, screams, giggles and silence.

cant wait for you to be mine,
joyce

Tis the season to be jolly~

2010-11-29T22:40:00.000-08:00

In a day it'll be December.

I love everything about December~

It's a month filled with joy. It's the month where everyone gathers together and celebrates the highs and lows of the year. It's a month of laughter as we share the highlights and jokes of the year. It's a month of giving as we exchange presents of love and thought. It's a beautiful month.

Thanksgiving just passed. and what a beautiful Thanksgiving it was. A day of thought on what we ought to be thankful for.

I am thankful for everything I have had a chance at having in life. Love, Friendship, Family and Education. I am very thankful this year.

I think we all ought to be thankful for every moment in life. good or bad. happy or sad. Because believe it or not, everything in life alters us and makes us grow. I think we should be thankful for that.

wishing wells and sprinkles of joy~
joyce

From high hopes to low batallions

2010-11-29T22:28:00.000-08:00

I just thought my holidays would be peaceful. One where I could study and sleep in peace.

Life tends to do the exact opposite to me.

An old friend once told me, always keep your head high even when you're feeling lowest cause you don't know what will strike at you.

Have you ever felt parental pressure? The pressure you get when your parents speak highly of you to others, and when they smile at you and say: I hope you'll become better as you grow. and you smile back but inside you're shivering in fear with the thought of them finding out your doubts and insecurities.

I once spoke to a group of my friends and found that most of them have this fear but they overcome it by just ignoring the fear and just living their lives. More than often, I find my friends living up to their dreams and they seem happy. but soon after, i also find out that they don't usually make their parent's happy.

This is where the lines blur. Are we supposed to live our lives to be happy and content with ourselves, or where we live to please our parents and make them happy in order for us to be happy? or can we actually achieve both? if so, why is it so hard?

Then again, Life is filled with unexpected choices and often disappointing results.

I'm terribly sorry this article is so messed up. I'm a teenager. hahah.

That reason should suffice your thought.

My plans for December would definitely consists of having fun. November has been a thoroughly messed up and screwed over month. Having chicken pox and being pushed around and stepped on was not at all pleasant nor was it a good memory to keep.

Drinks with friends. Outings with sister. Outings with friends. and to lose some chubs. :P

Goodbye November~
Hello December! :)

I thought I had you all figured out

2010-11-25T23:31:00.000-08:00

Every generation has a different set of musicians and artists. from Backstreet Boys to Madonna to Rod Stewart and the Beatles. To Taio Cruz and Usher to Taylor Swift and Ke$ha to Daughtry and Lady Antebellum.

so why is it so hard to accept new artists? why do we have to tear down all the other artists? i mean music is subjective. it's why there are so many genres to music. It's not possible for the entire universe to all have to same taste towards the same type of genre of music. it's not logical. we're all different. therefore we have different taste. so why cant we just accept the fact one man's meat is another man's poison? because that's the truth.

Artists today like Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber or Katy Perry are being shot down and criticized as if they've done something offensive worldwide.

Personally, i find it insulting when someone proclaims that they love a certain artist, and the other person says: Please grow up. I find it really insulting. who are you to judge and call out the fact they need to grow up just cause they like that certain artist?

when my dad was a teen, he had Rod Stewart to look up to. and he still looks up to Rod Stewart to sing along to now. so are you gonna tell my dad to grow up? like seriously?

Music is an open topic. It's a subjective thing. No one has the right to force or coerce you into a certain genre or limit you to a specific artist. Music is your right. No one else in your life has a right or say in your liking of music. nor do you in anyone Else's.

Personally, I love taylor swift. and no i am definitely not her biggest fan in the world. but i adore her. she sings songs that we can relate to. yeah we know it's mostly about love but HELLO we are teenage girls. we're in high school. and our lives practically revolve around love, friendship, difficulties and obstacles. and if you haven't noticed, its one of the major stages in life for all women. so having songs we can sing along with and listen to lyrics which spell out how we feel is soothing. and it helps us unconsciously or consciously.

so yes, music. it's yours and yours alone. dont go blotting on others. just mind your own.

haunted,
joyce

Differences

2010-11-25T08:14:00.000-08:00

The thing is. I don't miss you anymore.

haha. so my friends have planned this big reunion tomorrow. The ironic thing is. she posted this up on Facebook today. Just today. She thinks we're all free as birds with no restrictions. we're not. we all have our things to do ya'll. hahaha. i meant that in a good way. no offence to anyone.

hmm. I don't have a good feeling about these reunions. I mean. Yeah, it's great to keep company and keep bonds strong between old friends. but we've all changed and in a huge way. The last time we spent more than hours together was when we were all in primary school. It's almost the end of our high school years. We're seniors next year. It's our last year in school next year. How many of us can possibly hold good friendships? Close friendships?

Friends aren't permanent. They are exactly as our lives are. And unless you find someone with the same frequency of change, the same click of mind and the same passion of life, they aren't your friends, those are soul mates. and I'm not talking about marriage. I believe soul mates are those you stay up late at night laughing the night away and spilling your guts out to. yeah you do it sometimes with your partner but with your soul mates, they end your sentences for you and they make you laugh all the time. and maybe sometimes the worst of times. which make them the best. those are the soul mates. not your friends.

your friends are those you keep with you, but not as close as your partners or your soul mates. your friends dont know you. neither do they really want to.

unfortunately, i had to learn this the hard way. time after time.

I have a new found appreciation for love and friendship. haha.

Trust. now that's hard to come by anymore.
trust no one but yourself and God.

ohmygosh. it's november

2010-11-24T23:14:00.000-08:00

The speed of light. If man could keep up with it, they would be God.

With a blink of an eye, it's November. and not only is it November. it's the end of November. it's already 25th of November. holy crap.

How did we get here? like seriously.

So how's life? hmm. let's see.

Recently, I got this little virus called Varicella Zoster. sound familiar? it's chicken pox.

when i first found out, i was like. HAHAHAAHAHA.

I'm sixteen. oh well. if you exclude the fact it isn't my birthday. haha.

It was all over my body. and they are kinda like little bubbles on your skin. think blisters and you'll understand. went to the doctor's and the first thing

The Doctor asked me: how old are you? aren't you a little old for chicken pox?
my first thought: WHATTHEHELL?!

but oh wells, a week and a half later, i'm alright and all healed. except for scars.
I believe this is the worst part of having chicken pox. It's the scars they leave behind. and for the ones that have popped, they leave HOLES in your skin. yup, i said it. Holes. not scabs or scars. but holes.

i think i need new heels. like crazy high black heels. i saw one from Nine West. drop dead beautiful with a price to match. RAWR i need to get back to singapore and snag those heels i saw. argh.

have you ever wondered why you fit into another family better than your own? i've felt that way several times. i seem to get along with a few other families better than my own. but i guess living with them 24/7 is a whole other story. sigh.

well, more from me soon.

living it up with music,
joyce

Cobra Starship: The City is At War

it's been a while. a long time.

2010-08-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

today. friday. 20th of august. i've decided to blog.

haha. life. it's a funny thing. life. it has a way of twisting and turning. going up and crashing down. making you laugh hysterically and cry like a baby.

friendships. they seem to come and go. friendship were meant to last. forever. but it seems as though they only last a few years. and after that, they seem to slowly fade away. you talk for three months. then three weeks. then three days. then three hours. then three smses. and then you stop talking altogether. and often i wonder. does it just happen to one side of the friendship? or both? and if its both, why doesnt anyone make a move? why do we have this mentality of not taking the high road and constantly awaiting other people to move before we move and confess? why not grab the opportunity, why not take a risk? why not take the plunge? why not? why do we stand and wait and time passes by and changes all things now into the past?

love. from good to bad. once again, due to poor thoughts filled with doubt, i lost my salmon. hahahahahahaha.

interact. installation night. YAY.

oh wow. this does take a while. i've lost it.

loving you,
joyce

i'm fine

2010-05-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging in about a month. it's been a crazy one. everything from exams to fights and misunderstandings to me losing a close friend.

I lost Alex. that's what i lost. We were the closest of friends from January till may 15th. hahaha. how sad. five months.

the truth? we were never dating. we never dated. we were just close friends. whether you believe it or not.

and because of one word from me. i think. right now. today. we're not exactly friends.

He said. nothing's changed. don't worry. we're still friends.
If the above statement is true, why are you so scared to look me in the eyes. why are you so scared to even talk to me. why.

We were close friends and too involved in each other's lives.

I'm fine without him. It's never easy and painless at losing a friend. I'll admit. its kinda hard and kinda heart wrenching. But if this time spent apart for both of us to breathe will make things easier later on, I'll give it time. It is hard passing his class. seeing his friends. looking away when i see him. not being able to spend recess with him and the gang like old times. but. i don't like losing friends and burning bridges. and I'll do whatever to save it.

everyone is telling me to forget about it. don't worry. and move on. but the truth, deep down in me. all i feel like saying is that. you're such hypocrites. you're such bad bad bad advisers. forgetting about your problems, moving on and not worrying about them wont solve anything. you're merely running away from it. but like always, no matter how far you run, how long you ran, the truth will always come back to haunt you.

if you're reading this, and you're thinking. she knows what she's supposed to do. so why is she still worrying? .

that's only cause. that's me being me. I'm a worrysome person. i worry about me. about my family. my friends. my everything. for everyone. no matter how hard i try. i cant. and sometimes its good but sometimes. it tires me out.

i'm definitely changing. from the way i think to the way i speak and the way i do things. some of it good some of it bad. i know that i've been neglecting a few things in my life and i need to brush up.

as for friendships, I'll hang on to Yiing, Mich, Amalina and Ian for now. and Andrew. the rest of the people. you're my good friends no doubt about it. for those people who don't believe and trust nor like me and act like their my friends, i'm leaving it to higher power to do the revenge.

don't like me? does it look like i flipping care?
joyce

you win some and you lose some. i won~!

2010-04-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

This year started off with a bang. I had made friends with someone unexpected and there goes rumors blazing a fire in the woods. I had gotten a call from a teacher asking me to fill in as a third speaker a week before the debate competition started. I had gotten into a rough patch with two friends and one close friend. I joined the public speaking competition and won. In approximately two days, i'm flying to KL for the Help University Debate Competition. I will be third speaker, Akmal second speaker and Marco as Prime minister. In about four days, Our mid term exams will start.

I have already four haters. They hate my guts and i did absolutely nothing about it. pretty unusual if you ask any of my friends.

I have raging temper issues. yet. its April and i haven't lost my temper. how amazing.
I rarely wear skirts. I've worn more of them this year than in my entire life time.
I rarely let my hair down. I've let my hair down more than my entire life combined.
I've rarely cried so much. I've been crying alot. tearing up. not exactly wailing.
I started a diary. and reading it makes me laugh about how sad and incredibly fun and sadistic my thoughts truly are.

I've changed into a person. i'm not too sure i'm comfortable with this new me. she's different from the old me. i cant tell whether i'm a better person or worse and just waiting for a disaster to happen.

lost in the sea of lies,
joyce

chocolate cake with icing all over...

2010-03-23T01:40:00.000-07:00

Our Hornbill just came out~! The pictures are seriously weird. ahahahahaha! some of my friends look awesome in them. i look. okay lah. ahahahaha.

i realized i have never ever in my entire life failed more than one subject. I'm like awestruck. but i guess being out of class for two and a half weeks does do a lot of destruction to my education. My math is a mess again. because of debate, i missed an entire chapter which so happens came out nearly 80 percent of the pop quiz my teacher gave. i was like. @.@. but luckily in math tuition i scored BIG. 89%. woohooooooooooooo~

had a short short trip up Kundasang with dad. we went his gang. wow. you should see the equipment they buy for their cameras. so the awesome~!

hehe.

For this thursday, me and talie are singing You Got Me by Colbie Caillat and Kantoi by Zee Avi. just had practice earlier. i think we're pretty cool. :D

sometimes, i think, the more i talk to you, the more i find you attractive. sometimes you're just a friend.

i'm thinking i'm thinkingggg,
joyce

my heart is filled with you...

2010-03-23T01:33:00.000-07:00

heyheys~

haven't been updating much here. have been so utterly busy with debate and all. ahahaha.
i'm joining bakat lok yuk this year~ with the beautiful Natalie Prabha and the talented Izzat Ashraff. ahaha.

hopefully, it works out fine. ahaha.

relationships aren't my thang,
joyce

chocolate crumbs

2010-02-19T06:16:00.000-08:00

woke up at 7am today. to shower and get ready to go to jeanne's house. its pronounced jean. or gene. or. gin. haha. i didnt know. i kept saying je-anne. je-anne. hahaha. finally mich corrected.

we made about. six hundred seventy five cookies. give or take a few. haha. gina ate. angel ate. tanya ate. i dropped. angel dropped and picked up. alex ate. gina ate again. haha.

there was i think eight of us. me, mich, angel, roanna, jeanne, kimberly, venessa, gina, alex. how many is that. oh its nine. ahahahaha. i skipped mr.lim's tuition for this. ahaha.

i do feel really irresponsible for it. but. i dunno. i guess i'll just have to pay for all the consequences. sigh.

after the choc ball thing, we had to package it all. then the dropping began. angel with her counting and bumping into everything causing it to drop. and tanya with her packaging and dropping a few. haha. it was during the packaging session, we began to realize all the little things. why do some of them have sprinkles and some of them dont. some of them have one sprinkle and some have it all covered. ahahahaahahah. why some choc pieces are so small and some so large.a hahahaahahha. and it was so ironic how venessa made big scoops when she's so petite and how kimberley's tall and she made small lil scoops.. ahahahaahah.

it was a pretty fun day. haha. kinda feel sick seeing so much chocs suddenly. ahahahaha.

loving and hating you right now,
joyce

ka-ching ka-ching

2010-02-11T06:10:00.000-08:00

haha. its that time of year again. where we have to smile and laugh and be super nice to all the aunties and uncles everywhere. where we're so happy to see them give us angpaus. ahahahaha.

am flying back to kl tmw. although i wish for once we'd be able to spend it here with my immediate family and friends, but its not possible so. sigh. am flying again. haha. i'm not complaining. i just wanna spend some time with my friends too.

in love with the song blah blah blah by kesha. haha. its a total dance song. love.

red house totally kicked ass today in tug of war~! of course i mean i'm in it. ahahahaah!!! no la. we were really motivated to win and because we nearly lost we were really pushed and provoked to win. so even though my dad asked me not to strain my already strained biceps i still did. i mean. i just dont like losing. in anything. ahaha.

gosh. and about him. i didnt know la wei. so not fair. i didnt know it'd turn out this way at all. i cant believe it. like seriously.

ahaha. still finding a song to sing for bakat. its either russian roulette by rihanna, you got me by colbie caillat or kiss me by sixpence none the richer. the last one was suggested by ce mandy. although it isnt exactly what i'd do. i'll think about it.

sigh. anyhow. i'll miss you! ahah.

dancing to the tune,
joyce

dong dong dong chiang~!

2010-02-07T01:54:00.000-08:00

i'm confused by your words and your actions. i dont know which hurt more. your silence or your actions. yes finally we've talked and we've agreed. but i cant help but say i'm hurt. and no this isnt a guy i'm talking about.

i slept over at mich's. we tried watching a movie but only ended with me complaining and mich falling asleep. The Lovely Bones. i think the book is better. it was. well. i think me telling you mich fell asleep pretty much interpreted it was a total BORE. ahahahah. i guess the movie plot was good. i just think it was a bit too. i dunno. predictable. although the old man which killed the girl was such a PERVERT and a downright EVIL LOOKING DUDE~! now i'm scared of my neighbours. HAHAHAHA. then we went to bed still gossiping and talking and laughing, and then halfway through the convo, mich fell asleep. and i sounded like a fool talking to a sleeping person. when i realized she fell asleep i was like: aw man. i sound and feel stupid. ahahahaah.

the next morning, we both sorta woke up at 8 i think. mich woke up earlier from her messaging with a friend. we laughed and played around with Elmo and Spongebob. ahahaha. her pillow Spongebob which can be seen on FB was funny and we couldn't stop laughing and its expression and the fact that Elmo has no eyelids and we kept poking it and closing his open mouth. hahaah. then we watched Vampire Diaries together. the latest episode no doubt. ahah. i love love love both Damon and Stefan. ahahahaha. then we went for La Salle's sports day. its in DONGGONGON. i was like: isnt their school in tanjung aru? thats like super far away from their school?! ahahahah. it was pretty okay. met up with andrew, greg, patrick, russel, bernard and some other old friends. ahah. oh and joshua. met him at Installation night but TOTALLY forgot about him. hahahahaha. funny how we both forgot and when we remembered started talking to each other like we were super old friends. and his form six and form five friends thought i was russian and 18. i was like. wow. i look old and sound russian? and then his friend thought i was american chinese and a spm leaver. i was like YAY~! ahahahahaahhaa. i'm american!!

Bernard talked to me when i was on the way to my car. he wanted me to have some rice thingy. but i was like no thanks. and i apologized to him about the whole last year incident. i think it was something i had to do so that i could move on. apparently, he didnt hold the grudge either. so it was cool. thank God. i saw yiing's friend jordan run. darn he's fast. haha.

all in all, it was a pretty cool weekend. i accomplished alot. except for one incident with andrew's friend Nadym. i dunno what happened but he loved making fun of me when i didnt even know him. i was totally out of my element and he was teasing me way over the line. and i couldnt help but stand there and let him attack me. i swear i never did anything to him.

anyhow, it was a great weekend with friends and family. 2010 seems awesome already!

chinese new year here i come,
joyce

sports day!

2010-01-29T21:39:00.000-08:00

haha. today was my school sports day part one in stadium. ahaha. arrived there early so i decided to help my teacher do attendance. then on the paper i wrote 3AM1 instead of 4S2. all my old classmates were like write my name please. and i was like why? you're not even in my class anymore. then they pointed at the paper. i totally burst out in laughter along with everyone else. i guess my subconscious self is still in love with that class. no class will ever top 3AM1 of 2009. it was the best year of my life. :D

anyhow, i hung out with gina and her friends mostly today. roanna, angel, and some other girls. their super funny. ahahahaahaha. but its gina so i'm not surprised at all. HE asked and begged me to go then in the end i hung out with him like ten minutes before i went home. like. arghhhhh.....

i shouted and clapped using the bottles with stones. ahahaha. me and gina and sai sat like front row. not even on chairs. we sat on the ground right next to the track. ahahahahaha! we screamed for all our friends. even though i'm not marikh (which is mars. which is the blue team) i sat with all the marikh people. ahahahaha! but i screamed for all the teams. i'm team neutral. ahahaha. i screamed for Davina from marikh, Yiing and shannon from musytari (red), madeline from zuhal (green) and some guy from uranus(yellow). unfortunately, i dont know his name. HAHAHA.

sports day was unusually fun and drama free this year. THANK GOD. i've had enough drama for the time being. and its only january. gosh people. i'm not oprah. i cant handle that much drama. i'm no drama mama. HAHA. hehe.

anyhow, i'm pretty sad in general. with natalie's brother passing on. me not getting along with a certain someone. sigh. i guess its the down after the long high. darnit.

cant wait to get it all out of the system on sunday at mich's place. :D

with chocolates i am superwoman!,
joyce

uh oh

2010-01-28T02:21:00.000-08:00

you're who i'm thinking of ~ justin bieber. :D

haha. i actually like him. although he sounds sorta girlie. he's not that bad. ahaha.

and i actually like another guy too. which is weird. if you asked me three months, i'd probably think you're drunk. ahahahaha.

but i guess it'll never happen. ask anyone in my school and they'd tell you it'd never happen. ahgahaha. its like. me and brad pitt or taylor lautner or chace crawford? ahaha. as if.

homework is such a buzzkill but i gotta do it. sigh.

bye loves.

and i'm here for you natalie. be strong. have faith in Him.

love, joyce

Hey Jude.

2010-01-20T06:08:00.000-08:00

third week of school. and i've already gotten a red mark on my exercise book for passing it up late.
thats definitely not a good sign.

Additional Math: challenging but awesome feeling when you find the answer. by that i mean i've only found the answer like twice. ahahaha.
Chemistry: Fun.
Bio: boring.
Physics: mind blowing. and by that, i mean. i have no clue sometimes. ahahahahaha.

had drinks with Ian Pang today. from like. 4.45 till 7? ahgahahahaha. time flies when you're around friends. ahaha. we talked about everything. ahaahah. and the two other people who were supposed to be there. didnt come along. one got cold feet. the other too tired. sigh. i was tired and nervous too!!!

but yeah. it was awesome seeing him again! ahahah.

this year. i think. will be awesome. ahahaha. or more like. i pray it'll be. let it be filled with happy events. and great results. ahahaha.

for my happy couple. as much as i didnt see it coming. i do hope you both will resolve your issues. you were my happy couple. the idea of friends becoming more than friends and working out was the two of you. i do hope this break isnt permanent. i saw her become bubbly and him become open. whether the two of you do work out. its up to both of you. this isnt a one sided relationship. it takes two to tango.

as for you my friend. thankfully. that was just a lil bump on this road we call life. haha.

i need a new phone. it isnt a want. its a need. A NEEED. hahaha. my phone isnt working properly anymore. if you need to talk to me, text or call my mom. hahaha.

fishing for boys,
joyce

have i done wrong?

2010-01-15T04:07:00.000-08:00

recently. i've been wondering. who am i?

the first answer: i'm Joyce Fong.

do you guys think that should have been my answer? or should i have said: i'm a child of God.

this year started off rough. not exactly what i thought. but then again, my family isnt exactly average. we're far different than other families.

my friends. they seem different. we all seem to be drifting apart instead of closer. and i recently read a friends blog. where he/she changed clubs because everyone else did. i did too. was it wrong? i didnt wanna continue in seeker's because as much as i want to continue glorifying God's name and being a disciple in His light, i cant improve myself there. i want to but i just cant. so i changed to interact. did i change just cause i want to or because of friends? my answer is no. i changed because i wanted to. i prayed about it. and i felt like i could do much more in interact.

i haven't gone to church this year. and its already the 15th. thats exactly fifteen days into the year and i have not gone to church yet. does that make me any less of a Christian than you are? does that make me a liar? does that make me inadequate? sometimes when i'm with you, i feel like you're constantly judging me and critisizing me. and its not that you hurt my feelings or anything. its just that you're poking me and its kinda weird. because you used to not do that. and now with all that's going on with the Allah case. you've gone silent on me.

sometimes i wish. you could just talk more. just a lil bit more. i prayed about us. our friendship. i thank God for giving me such a wonderful person in my life. but as much as you are one of my closest friend. i cant talk to you. i cant express how i really feel with you. i am constantly pent up. thats why i've turned to another friend to rant and rave causing her to think i'm a disturbed person. and i dont wanna be known as that kinda friend.

a pastor once told me that no one should go through life alone. but its sad cause sometimes it feels that way. i cant talk to anyone. especially not my family. its like we're constantly judging and competing and criticizing each of our family members. sometimes i hate my family dinners, its all so fake and tense. its so irritating and mentally exhausting. i love my family. no doubt that i'd do anything for them. but its just tiring sometimes.

i know some family members of mine read my blog. and although i find it very disturbing and slightly irritating. i cant help it. i cant do anything about it. this is where i complain and rant and go crazy. if you dont agree with what you read, tell me. if you dont like what you're reading, there's this red X button on the top right corner of your screen, click it once and voile~

school's been good. Addmath is okay. physics is okay. bio is nice. chemistry is puzzling. and my classmates are awfully noisy. ahaha. but still some people remain the same. quiet as always. which is nice to have when you need it.

i'll pray about the above. i'll continue thanking God for you. and i'll continue praying for Him to guide us. i'll also pray about the awkward situation.

prayers and dreams,
joyce

2010. need i say more?

2010-01-06T03:02:00.000-08:00

form four. oh. form four.
why art thou so tough?

ahahaha. its the third day. and already i'm outta breath.

the homework isn't exactly homework. its more of. referrals and notes. and more of understanding the concept than to write it all out just for the sake of it. its like putting all of your knowledge and adding more layers on top and finally putting your understanding of the concept to the test.

essays essays and more essays. its all i've been hearing. hahaha. thankfully. there's bio, chem, and physics. which is challenging. but i find it sorta fun to find out why i was wrong and why that way is right and why my way will not work. it makes me smile sometimes.

my teachers are all a bit. i dont wanna judge and be all mean and look down on them. but it just seems. they all dont speak good english. they cant spell the words right and they cant even pronounciate the words right. its funny sometimes. but when their teaching, its just disgusting. you say you're a teacher, you're supposed to teach but you cant seem to get the word or the phrase right and you wanna teach us? its a bit of a wrong. but i'm just me. how would i know right?.

i have both accounts and est. how awesome. the books on my shelf. i'm speechless. never had i had all my text books fill up the entire shelf and threaten my other books to jump ship. never. but then again, as all my other form five friends have said, form four is no honeymoon. its just a big leap to reality called SPM. sigh. and i thought i could take a lil breather.

gabriel fong's in my school. how awful. another monkey to deal with. ahahahahhaha. nah. he's fun. his voice is all funny tho. and he aint that tall. he and marco get along just fine. cause their pretty much the same. ahahaha. even in the swagger department. ahahaha. all the class is my boys are weird. excluding dylan. he's the only nice one. the rest are just weird. odd. annoying. oh and melvay. he's nice too. and probably the new guy. ahahahahahah. his name is fahd. the guys call him ah fatt. like a chinese boy. its so funny sometimes.

and today, during english, everyone was introducing everyone else according to the biodata they passed up yesterday. and dylan got yiing's and jeremy got mine. and they both read ours wrong. ahahaha. they read diver's license into driver's license. ahahahahahha. and the english teacher, Teacher Elizabeth said that on my outer appearance i looked very soft and graceful and silent, while my biodata was so fierce and outspoken. and the whole class said that she should follow my biodata. ahahahahahahahahaha. so hilarious man.

i think what irritates me the most is that when someone promises you something when you get good results, and when you do, it takes them forever to get it done. FOREVER. argh.

liking someone you've known since you're young is not as simple as it looks. the hugest obstacle. finding out whether he likes you back. hahah.

live, love, life,
welcome 2010,
joyce

two months are up!

2009-12-26T23:26:00.000-08:00

my two months is KL are coming to an end. sigh.

when i first got here on the 31st, i was a lil sad for leaving kk. leaving my friends. and i felt like it was such a mistake coming here so early in my holidays and i should spent more time there with my friends. but now looking back, i dont exactly regret spending time here. i mean. i got closer to my sister mandy alot more, i got a closer bond with gpa, i learned more about my self through church and camp and i learnt more about when to study what and how and why through my cousins hann and na and johnson.

two months here. definitely changed my perspectives of life. and i know somewhere down the road its gonna change again. but change is good. sometimes. not all the time.

i've gotten closer to my childhood friends, Jesh and Sherwin. mostly Jesh. i did some work in church. i learnt more about God. how He works and how He has such wonderful humour and how He shows us His power. i learnt more about my spiritual life and God these two months here. i also got to know some of my friends better. Euodia, Melanie, Charis, Melinda. through VBS and youth camp and church.

two months. i thought it would never end at times. how come it feels like sooooo long. now its only a few days away.

the same thing with this year. i thought i had a long way to go with PMR. my parents constantly reminding me making me feel restless about my studies. well, their lectures definitely paid off! I GOT STRAIGHT A'S!!!!!! thinking about it. i would have never in a million years thought i'd get straight A's. i didnt see it coming at all. when i told Feonna this. she hit me on my arm and went. SHUT UP LA JOYCE. HOW CAN YOU EVER THINK LIKE THAT. i was like. WHAT?!?!?!. hahahahaha. for her. its either A's or nothing. like. cause. well she's bright. like really smart. she's kinda like. the person who sets the bar for me. she scores well. i have to score well too. that kinda thing. i know it sounds stupid. but hey. i need to do well to get somewhere in life!

anyhow, two months feels like a week suddenly. so much has happened and taught my lessons in life.

i'm now currently trying to assemble all my things to pack for home. i'm like. lost in a sea of things. ahahahha. i think i need to go out and get another suitcase. i've got loads of stuff here. its insaneeeee. ahahah.

overall, i loved it here. my friends. church. family. its been an awesome trip. VBS. youth camp. and just being at home reading or doing some studies for form four. how it can change from slow snailed to fast paced in half an hour. how you can go from your pjs to your dress and leave the house for a party even though you were informed only by sms a few minutes ago. ahaha. its all so fast and it can change from that to really slow. where there's nothing to do. ahahaha. its so fun.

i'll miss kl. alot of people asked me why not i stay here with my gpa and my sisters? but i guess i'm still growing. so even if i had a choice i'd probably stick with my parents till i'm done with high school. after that, i'll try flying solo. ahaha. i'm so gonna miss all my church friends. the pj people and the subang people. The E.N.D PARTY is something i'll miss too. sigh. there's always pictures. i know. but not able to be there just sucks. ahahahaah.

love,
joyce

Die Hard, Live Free.

2009-12-20T22:46:00.000-08:00

hey there. haven't been updating this blog lately. no worries. here i am again.

just came back from Youth Camp yesterday. IT WAS SO FUN!

the first day was funny. woke up at 6.30. packed up all the last minute stuff. left the house for church. i felt so excited and scared at the same time. got there. saw jesh and talked to him. and the journey to Fraser's Hill took THREE HOURS. all of us were busy sleeping, talking, playing on the bus. i talked to Jesh. he's really one of those guys you gotta love. as in. friend wise. he's the most awesome guy friend. he knows exactly what i go through and its one thing that makes me smile most. and when we got to the Pines Resort, i saw three tall guys and this happened.

Jesh/Me
look. good looking foreigners.
them?
yeah. why?
*pulled me towards them*
oi
joyce, this is justin. our CAMP SPEAKER.
justin, this is joyce. a good friend.
ohhhh. haha.

and then when i told all my girl friends. all of them were like. *GASP* YOU'RE LYING?!?!
hahahahaaha. it was hilarious. cause no one thought at all he was our camp speaker. we all thought he was someone's friend or something. ahahahahahah.

Justin Wong. Youth Pastor of Chinese Baptist Church in Houston Texas. PJ Woo and Keith Chan. his good friends. absolutely hilarious la the three of them. their so spontaneous and crazy.

after lunch, we had a short briefing and then ice breakers. Ice breakers were hilarious. ahaha. made a couple of new friends. then we had to know what our punishments were. ahah. it was the YMCA dance. so funny cause my cousin Su-Anne looked so enthusiastic doing it. and the rest of the committee weren't. after that, we found out our teams. my team consisted of Jonathan Ng, team leader, Lauren Chia, assistant, Kevin Thomas, old man, Mark Tan, younger old man, Jeshua, Me, Joshua, Janice, Nicholas Lim, Nicholas Hoo, Claudia. we call both nicholas' by calling them Nicholas square. you know math when you have two of something you square it. yeah that square. ahahahaha. their always together so it fits em perfectly. then there's claudia who is the most bubbly, cute and friendly person ever. janice is in form six which is pretty hard to guess since she's so petite. she's very quiet and a chinese ed by the accent. she's really funny too when she talks. joshua is another quiet dude. super quiet. ahaha. the only time we started realising he was there was skit night. when we were rehearsing and he laughed out loud. ahahhahaha. jonathan's a great leader. he prioritises and makes good decisions and he's a nice guy. lauren's funny and very smart too. ahahah.

after we all made friends, we went to our designated rooms. i shared an apartment with Amanda Shiew, Adrienne Lim, Joanne Leong, Raelene Tan, Charis Wong, Euodia Ong, Melanie Lim and me. most rooms had nine but then girls were comparatively lesser this year so we got a lesser amount of people in the room. haha. but it was still very fun. me euodia mel and charis all stayed in one room. we pushed the two single beds together and slept together. haha.

the first session was intense. justin the speaker. he spoke on how us as christians often persieve the thought of: as long as i believe in Him, whatever i do wrong, he'll forgive us and we'll go to heaven. WRONG. in Romans 1:18-32, it says. that even if we believe and when we sin, the wrath of God builds and we will be thrown into Hell. so no matter what we do, how great of a Christian we are, we will go to Hell. because we are Sinners. WE ARE SINNERS. when the session ended, we were all a bit. overwhelmed. thats the word. because most of us thought as long as we have faith in him and trust in him we'll go to heaven. no. we dont. and he said he'll give us the good news the next day. we thought there wasnt good news. haha.

the second day, we had Treasure hunt. It was AWESOME. ahahaha. only cause we were first to finish. we didnt win. we got second but we were first to finish. ahah. our team practically ran from start to finish. ahahaha. our group. well most of our group were really motivated to win. we ran and ran and ran. and it felt really great running. going up the hill and down the hill. ahah. into the forest and running back out. haha. the leeches were everywhere but thankfully, i didnt get any. ahaha. and then we had little time for ourselves to rest and then it was skit night. we had pj on our team but he didnt help out in skit. our skit won second place! haha. surprisingly enough, hann's didnt. i mean. its like a thing for hann to always win skit. haha. but his team did win the Treasure Hunt. the funny thing is that they came in last. So i guess the saying: slow and steady wins the race does explain his winning. ahaha. the next session, justin explained that in order for us to go to heaven not only do we have to be a good Christian, we have to be a disciple of God. that is to follow the scripture always, listen to His voice, and do things according to His will. and most of us do the church thing. we are good in church, obedient, nice to everyone in church and we spend every sunday in church. but once we're outta there, we're different people. it has to be constant. we have to be constant. not different just cause we're in church.

the third day, we had prayer walk which was very calming. we prayed for multiple things. we prayed for World Hunger, every six minutes a child dies of hunger, thats how sad it is; missionaries, to places where the Gospel is banned from being spread and how we can help and how we should spread the Gospel even at our own country; other faiths, meaning other religions; Child Abuse, Child Labour, the Sins that chain us to Satan, and friends and family that are non believers. we prayed and prayed until it started to pour then we went to shower and had dinner. its amazing how when we're there. it seems we're able to jam pack our life with so many activities that teach us how our actions have consequences and how our life in Malaysia is so easy while others are struggling and the rest of the world is crying in pain. and how our mistakes can be forgiven once we confess, ask for forgiveness and repent from our sins. that night, i cried. that night, i felt a pounding in my heart. that night i knew, all the sins i had done. the mistakes. the lies and the traps i had set out. all of it had to be confessed to the Lord. i knew. i cried and cried because i knew. its what He would have wanted me to do. i knew this year i had done many wrong doings. i confessed and prayed for forgiveness. i even apologized to people in church for what i had done wrong. mistreated them even though it wasnt their fault. i thought of my gma. how i used to take her for granted. used to think how she would always be there for me. she would always smile at me, laugh at my chinese and make fun of how fat i am and how she would always pinch my arms and call me chubby. haha. i cried thinking. if i havent had lost her, if she were still here, if she was well. she isn't here. she's with Jesus now. she's happy and healthy with Him and i should be happy. i should learn to move on. but its hard. she was my motivation to study. and now she's my motivation to be a Doctor more than ever. i wanna make her feel proud of me. i wanna let her know that when i become a doctor. all her letters to me and her advice wasn't for nothing. it was for something. i'm worth something. i wasnt a mistake.

the last day, everyone was a bit reluctant to leave. we had all grown so used to each other. so used to having wake up with a bunch of your friends. seeing em all so happy and loud and crazy. but everythings ends in the end. we took pics with alot of people and on the bus down, we were perhaps the only bus to not have anyone throw up. ahaha. we played alot of empire and cho dai di. i didnt play cho dai di. i watched. i might play one day. from all the advice and rules from rick, charis and julian. perhaps. ahahaha. and it was funny cause when the bus arrived in church, everyone ran down from the bus. and i was slow and all with jesh and a few other guys. and joshua, joseph's brother noticed that joseph left his iTouch in the netting area of the seat. ahahahaha. i took it and we told joseph that he might have left his iTouch in the bus. he ran up and halfway there i shouted: hey joseph, does your iTouch look like this? . he was like oh son of a gun. ahahahahahaha. his australian accent is funny.

anyhow, i realize i need to change. not only for myself. but also to be a better person with others and God. i need to learn to be a more serious person in church in school at home. it cant be all play no work. next year, it will be like that. i promise you. i will be better. stronger. smarter.

love,
joyce

talks.

2009-12-10T02:00:00.000-08:00

i lost my train on thought on what i was supposed to write about. i was talking to someone but then i got defensive and i shut him off cause i couldnt take it. sometimes. words can be so sharp they pierce right through your heart and stay there for a while. its kinda frustrating. i wish i could be one of those people who have thick skin and all and like. not feel that much pain nor sadness. that would be a bit easier now wouldnt it folks? well. life's not fair. so suck it up and spit it out before it swallows you. sigh. i forgot what i wanted to say. anyhow, miss you kkians. got this reunion thingy in my facebook events. should i go? i dunno. i dont think i wanna dwell nor hold on to my past. we've all changed. sigh.

joyce. anger. confusion. giggles.

fat. not flat.

2009-12-08T02:36:00.000-08:00

look. i said i'm sorry. argh. nvm. you've always hated me anyways. forget it.

anyways, i went ice skating! aha! it's been awhile since i skated. being on the ice again made me feel like a lil kid. i was so happy. the thought of going made me smile in my sleep.

so back to the start. it was this perfect morning, i woke up at 8.30. was supposed to go to the hospital with gpa but they left early. they left me all alone at home. boohoo? NOT. i dont mind being alone. in fact, i like being alone sometimes. i hear myself loud and clear and no one is there to confuse me or distract me. so after changing and gathering some stuff, went online to update some stuff and watch a episode of Supernatural. Gawd. Jensen Ackles might not be my age. but dang he's good looking. ahah.

and then suddenly. JOYCE FONG. FONG NI TIENG. WHERE ARE YOU???????
i sat up straight in my chair and flew down stairs to see who it was. and lo and behold. my fav cousin. Feon-na. aahaha. love her. she told me once we got into the car, she told me a few neighbours stuck their heads out the window to see who was shouting. i mean. its a lazy monday mid morning and who shouts in a lazy neighbourhood. ahahaha. i was like so embarassed cause now everyone knows my name. nhahahhaha.

on our way to Sunway, in the car, Leon my cousin was reading New Moon, he took so long reading a page and he usually reads very fast. so i was like why you reading so slowly? and his reply made me burst into laughter. like seriously. his reply was: i'm memorizing all the lines so that i can use it on my girlfriend next time. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. so funny man.

when we got there, it was around 12 or so. so we had lunch at Sakae Sushi. we had okay sushi there. nothing out of this world. definitely nothing close to Nishiki back in kk. miss that place with that old japanese man. sigh. anyhow, when we done eating, Na went and take the last few Edamame, the japanese beans, and she sucked on one, then suddenly she threw it down. me and leon were like. Whats wrong? and she was like in shock. i looked at the bean and saw a frozen Maggot right on top of the tip of the bean. i was like. omg. Leon was laughing so hard then he called the waiter which looked like some typical lala guy. and we showed him the bean with the maggot. his expression was priceless. he was like. :O Oh Gawd. ahahahhahahahahhahahahahaha. he took the plate away. so funny. and we got a ten percent discount on our payment. so funny la. ahahah. and only when we walked out of the place, only did my cousin remember than she already ate the beans within. and you know what bugs do to vege right? they eat a lil bit of outside. crawl inside and lay eggs. ahahahahaha. so funny. her face was like. white. aahahhaha.

after that, leon's friend joined us. we went ice skating. so many people la. and then then then. out of all the people from church to see, we see Yumey. like. so perfect right? NOT. its not that i dont like her. i tried to. i smile at her and try to start a convo with her but all she ever does to me is ignore me and push me away with cold stares. its like. what did i ever do to you la? its so unfair. its not like i stole your boyfriend or something. geez la. argh. anyhow, leon was happy to see her. so i just smiled at her. she just looked right pass me. well, it was nothing new. so. i kept quiet la. she was all over him which was very disgusting to watch. but Kirsten was there too. which made things okay again. i like Kirsten. she's such a bubbly funny random friend to have around. she's my fun friend. ahaha.

after skating a while, they needed to dry and shave the ice. it was gonna be 45 minutes before we could skate again and we've already skated for more or less an hour and a half. so we moved out. sher min was hungry and na wanted some pancake typa food so leon suggested Waffle World. after half an hour of walking around and not finding it. we gave up and bought Auntie Anne's and Famous Amos. apparently, the love birds share the same taste in food. which is really sweet. ahah.

the bowling alley was sorta full. we met up with Patricia, Feon-na's best friend. and her brother. Wilbur. and his friend. which i have no idea whats his name. haha. after a while of watching them bowl, Leon couldn't wait any longer and paid for both him and Na to play. haha. he kept betting on himself and na on who could score most. it was hilarious cause Na was playing lazily and he was playing with such passion yet na was winning. ahahahahahaha.

after that we joined my aunt, Na's and Leon's mom, to shop. Topshop. MNG. Dorothy Perkins. Miss Selfridge. Guess. it was fun. ahahaha. Had Tony Roma's for dinner. i liked the beef ribs. it was nice. ahaha. and the desert was pretty cool too. ahah.

after that, went home with em. it was fun la. all in all. haha. hope i get to skate again soon sometime.

peace out,
joyce

to my sister, Charlotte.

2009-12-04T04:40:00.000-08:00

hey.

i know i haven't been the perfect sister. perhaps i never will be. but i tried.
growing up as a toddler, i thought you were my only sister. you were always there with me to try new things. and you played some very memorable tricks on me that are forever embedded in me. you were always someone i looked up to. you were always Daddy's lil girl. always. no one could take that title or place from you.

when i grew older, you once told me i was a orphan mom and dad adopted because i was so different from the family. i cried and hid in my room. i thought that it was true. you called me gullible and from that day on i not only learned not to trust everything someone says but i, too, learned a new word. i always tried to be like you. smart, talented in sports and active and charming. you lit up the room. always the chandelier in the room. i used to follow you around and pester you. i just wanted so badly to be as great as you were. when we moved back to kk, i made you angry countless times cause i wanted to be like you in school. you were powerful and such a important person.

i felt this pressure to be like you. so i read your diary. thinking back, it was perhaps the stupidest thing i could have done. why? because i learned that i was such a terrible sister. how much you hated my presence and how much you wanted me gone. when i closed that book, i put it back but i left it so obviously in a way someone had touched it. you scolded me and hit me for reading it. you taught me yet another lesson. to give someone personal space and privacy. it meant a great deal to someone and you should respect it.

when i entered high school, everything shook me. i was a nobody yet once again. in primary school, i was always the golden girl. the good student. the teacher's pet. but in high school, you're just another fry in the sea of fish. when my sisters told me to change. i never listened. i remained as headstrong and stubborn to prove them wrong. i was who i was. that was what i believed. when i entered high school, my sister had just finished high school. all these years i've been listening to endless stories on highschool i was so anxious to know what it felt like. the first days of high school were groundbreaking. not only was i humbled by the enormous change but you were there to explain why it was that way and how it was gonna be. thinking back, if you weren't there to guide me. i'd still that lost fry in the sea of fish. somewhere along the way, we grew accustomed to each other. we started being nice to each other. then mom decided to throw us in a room together. not only did i find out that i talked in my sleep, i also found out how nice and great you were. from time to time you did show me who's boss and i acknowledged it. i learnt so many things about you and myself. when i didnt know what to do, you told how and when and where. at times, i was such a bitch and i didnt know and you told me and you put me in place. you straightened me up. at times when i took the hits for you, i knew i was just trying to replace the hits you took for me too. i never forgot how much you took for me when mom or mich was angry at me. i never forgot.

and then this year. we lost gma. and something in me changed. something in me was broken. and then when we came back, everything was harder. school. friends. you. mom. dad. everything. and then we started fighting again. when you called me the bane of your life. it hurt. because it made me think i was back to that place again. to that spot where you hated me presence. it made me cry and write those posts about you. you were my confidante. if i didnt tell you, i'd blog about it. when people asked me whether everything was okay at home, i'd say yeah it was fine. but i guess you and me both know that's rather far from the truth but it could have been worse. we were blessed enough to have just enough and a lil more. we weren't rich like our friends but we were well to do. you were always the one warning me about spending money.

somewhere along the way you made friends in college that i may have liked because they were downright nice but in some ways i didnt agree with. but all in all. I love you. I loved how you were never scared to stand out in a crowd. i loved how you were always ready to take the plunge. I loved how you managed to stay on top of things when it seemed like everything else was falling apart. I loved how at times of vulnerability, you managed to toughen up and save the day. I love you for who you are. you may seem shallow and stupid at times, but i know its an act. perhaps one you've perfected but no matter who you are or who you turn out to be, you're my sister. and I love you. cause you're you.

love,
joyce

ola amigo...

2009-11-28T03:21:00.000-08:00

i watched new moon yesterday! haha!

Jacob .aka. Taylor Lautner is soooooo hot. Tanya, i'm not confused anymore. i am all for jacob. ahaha. i mean. okay. he's your best friend. he's always there for you. he looks after you. he's totally buff and muscly. he's sweet and always trying to cheer you up and keep you safe. he likes to cuddle. i mean. hey. he's nearly perfect! ahah! he cant be perfect cause well. no one is perfect.

i liked edward cause he was the quintessential classic gentlemen. he's presentable. he's classy. he's smart. he's articulate. he's rich. and he's a musician. which is definitely a sexy factor. ahaha. and he has brooding good looks and is mysterious. and as a girl. who doesnt like a mysterious guy? haha. all those edward fans are just itching to find out more. whereas, jacob is just plain and simple. which is currently far more appealing. and the fact that he changes into this hulking werewolf. rrrrr. ahahaha.

i liked new moon. didnt exactly love it. but it was good. haha.

also met leon's girlfriend. leon is my cousin. the hulk one. the buff yet friendly one. the gentle giant. ahaha. his girlfriend is really nice. really friendly. sweet, pretty, thin, a lil tomboy-ish which is definitely a plus, and she's like me. when online, listens to music and watches tv shows that aren't aired here. ahahaha. i like this girl. ahahaha.

tmw i've got church. woohoo. hopefully jeshua comes back soon. i mish him. ahaha. and hopefully i'll try and forgive the other guy. i guess i have to since its part of all the becoming a better christian. argh. he pisses me off. argh.

i miss you michelle seck wei qi~~~~ we need to go shopping here. you me and the malllllllllll. ahaha.

joyce. in lurve with werewolves. ahah.

on a train to nowhere.

2009-11-25T05:11:00.000-08:00

hey. if you think i'm not updating, nudge me. sometimes i get lazy and need a nudge or two.
and if i'm not responding. look up. a) facebook. i might be there. b) here. i might be blogging and ignoring the nudges. or c) tumblr. thats right folks. i've jumped on that trainride. its not cause i have so much to tell the world or i follow trends or what not. but i was or am bored. so i created one. it was pretty easy. i like it. hehe. anyhow, here is the link to my tumblr account. i'm still new. so if you fall asleep reading or looking through, dont say i didnt warn you.

http://joycefong.tumblr.com/

there you go sweetpeas.

love,
joyce.

you dont even care who i am.

2009-11-23T19:41:00.000-08:00

the title doesnt match the content. ahah.

anyhow, i went shopping with Feon-na yesterday! haha! so happy bout that.
in the morning, i woke up in a nasty mood. blame it on the dream. it wasn't what i wanted. and i pray it doesn't happen either. so when the phone rung, i picked it up and all i heard was: JOYCE, YOU WANNA GO SHOPPING TODAY??? haha. that definitely brightened me up in an instant. ahahaha.

after we sent my sister to college, we went home and they had already arrived. my super awesome aunt suo mein and my cousin feon-na.hehe. love them to bits.

we went to mid valley. had lunch at shogun. the sashimi salad with the sushi zen dressing is nice. i loved it. right amount of sashimi and vege with a tang of lemon, salt and lime and other sour stuff. if you didn't know, i like sour stuff. it makes me happy and slightly high. ahaha.

after that, we went to Delectable in Gardens. the cupcakes were rather simple and pretty. but seriously it doesnt even come close to what my aunt makes. the woman behind Delectable is Su Yin. she's from Ipoh and she's famous. therefore, she can afford to sell 3 cupcakes for rm28. let me do the math for you. thats rm7 for one small itty bitty cupcake with a small icing ribbon and a blue top. i was like. ZOMG. WHAT???? and the simple cake with freshly whipped cream and icing. was rm70. seventy ringgit. not seventeen. whatthehell is wrong with the world. like seriously. and worse still this lil boy from cempaka gave everyone those three cupcakes for a party pack for his birthday party.

seriously. why cant you people use the money for better things like say. donate it to people in need. like the world vision children. gosh.

then we went to Springfield. saw this really nice bomber jacket. but then again. to wear a bomber jacket around malaysia is ridiculous. unless we have weather like Wuhan then again maybe i will. ahahaha. it was freezing when i was there. but i enjoyed every moment of it. seriously. i loved the cold. haha.

then i went to FOS. bought two tops and two shorts. haha. peace shirts. love peace shirts. haah. all about going green and bringing peace and harmony back into the world. :D

then went to cold storage. love that place la. it has everything i love. like starburst rattlesnakes which are so yummy. and all my chocolate cravings for really nice prices.haha.

so later on i decided to sleepover at aunt suo mein's house. which is like my secondhome. ahha. i've been sleeping over at her house ever since i was a toddler. really. she's someone i really look up to. she's determined, focused, hardworking, smart, creative, innovative, and she's a sincere and honest person. she's someone i'd like to be. she works hard at whatever she sets her mind to. which is rare and when you come across someone like her, its inspiring and definitely gives you a sense that you should try to be that way too.

am going to Bangsar Village later. haha. more shopping. wish Eunice would come along too! ahha. i think Ce Mandy is joining us. she's got no class. hehe.

anyhow, i miss all of ya'll in kk. my mom, my dad, and all my friends and my dog lucky. ahah.

grateful,
joyce

its been crazy.

2009-11-21T07:46:00.000-08:00

hey there.

sorry. i've been not updating. life's been really rushed and all. and i dont have my own comp. so its pretty hard. to update and stuff. gosh. there's really so much i wanna tell you guys. but time and tide really waits for no man. so anyhow, miss you guys a tonne. take care. God bless.

joyce

waking up.

2009-11-15T23:24:00.000-08:00

i realize. i assume things way too fast too easily. i overthink. over analyze the situation. i never let things run their course. i like to intervene and try to make sure things happen the way i want it to happen. i have to learn to let nature run its course. i have to learn to let go of the reigns once in a while. i have to realize that i'm not the only person feeling this way. i do know. i do realize it. and i'm on my way to learning and mastering it. just give me time. its all i need. maybe sometime after i've learned it well. i'll come back for you. who knows?.

joyce.
dont just live the dream. cherish every moment its happening too.

erm. okay.

2009-11-15T22:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Joyce Fong, below are your love test result:

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. You chose the long road. You take your time and do not fall in love easily.

2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. You give 50% and expect 50% in return.

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. You like to get the person yourself. You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.

4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like seeing your boy/girlfriend. You place the roses on the bed. You like to see him/her a lot.

5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality. You prefer the person to be asleep, you love the person the way s/he is.

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. You chose the longer road. You will tend to stay in love for a long time.

scaeerrrryyy.

2009-11-15T22:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Joyce Fong, below are your PSYCHOLOGY PERSONALITY test result:

You love the crowd... a party animal! Too many “friends”, you can’t easily tell which among them is real and not...

You hide your emotions... Sometimes pretending to be always happy. Sometimes, not giving even a hint of what you really feel.

You love deeply... you may flirt along and people think you’re a playboy/playgirl but the truth is: your heart belongs to only one.

You appreciate simple things in life... You hate complicating things that’s why you’re typically up-front in any aspect.

You’re an ideal boyfriend/girlfriend... You don’t care if your partner doesn’t really love you as long as you love him/her. You give your all...

You’re undoubtedly good-natured! Most of the time, people are confident to approach you because they know you will consider them.

You’re independent! You’re also risky just like the bajaken who sail in the vast and dangerous ocean to look for treasures!

i've never had one this accurate. crap. now all of ya'll know me. ahah. take this test. seriously. i'm not promoting. its just well. good. ahha.

sorry been mia

2009-11-15T21:46:00.000-08:00

hey there. sorry. its been a week. a helluva week. China. its been so mind blowing. and the experience is one i'll never forget. seriously. the people. the scenes. the places. the events. so amazing. especially the cruise. it was awesome.

tell you more soon. now. still jetlagged. sorry. hehe. miss ya'll!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuadCJRpFsE

this song from glee. is so good. you have have have to listen to the song. am totally hooked onto GLEEEE! haha. the actor is so goodlooking. now i'm stuck onto three shows. GossipGirl. 90210. Glee. haha.

toodles!
joyce

i like big butts and i cannot lie!

2009-11-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

all i have to say is. Dylan has one nice bootyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. hahahahahahahaha. from left to right, Sa'idatul Najah who so happens to have her burpday today. aahah. birthday i meant. haha. Amalina who is such a fun person to have around you and she's absolutely the nicest one too. Dina who is the loudest and randomest person i know and she's absolutely crazy. like me. and there's Dylan who's butt looks pretty awesome here. aha. he's a good friend and a fun dude to have around. haha.

big bums are our thang,
joyce

new found respect.

2009-11-03T02:57:00.000-08:00

Have you guys ever loved your family member but never really respected them?
As in. okay. Since they are our loved ones, you say the occasional I love you and Happy Birthday and get all happy for their achievements and stuff but do you really really love em?

trurh be told, my relationship with my sisters weren't always this nice. it probably still isn't but its better than what it used to be.

the age gap between me and my eldest sister is about eight years. but since i'm a late baby. you can say its nine years apart.

me and her. we never really got along. mostly just avoided each other. when she had great news i would be happy for her. when i had great news she'd be happy for me. but any other than that, we just pretty much just avoided each other. i remember how we used to get into fights with each other just cause we started talking to each other. it used to happen all the time.

as i got older, we were far apart. i never really tried talking to her and she never tried. we did the usual 'hey how you doing? oh is that right. okay.' thing where we just go our separate ways and do our own stuff. we never really interfered in each others life.

but these couple of months, we've been getting along much better. talking, laughing and sharing. pretty much like how it should have been.

and i realize. how great a person she really is. She's smart, caring, talented, open minded, slightly crazy, strong willed, independent and a great great Christian. oh and i forgot to mention PRETTY. hehe. she's been through alot without guidance. she pulls through tough situations with just a few friends and herself. after all these years of being around, never once did i think that she's a nice person. in my mind, it was always negative comments of her. i never tried to love her. i guess a part of me just wanted to be like her. successful. everyone smiles when you mention her name. you know how they always say : Girls just wanna be her and Boys just love her. The IT girl. you could say that that's how i think of my sister now. not that i'm saying that she's perfect. she has her flaws too but her flaws used to be all i saw. not her passion for God, or her good deeds or anything. she took two degrees and finished them with perfection. she took her Masters in Psychology and got into second upper which is pretty good already. i guess. in a way. she's helped me be who i am today. she pushed me to be a better person. a better Christian. a better sister. a better friend. when you do something wrong around her, she'll either laugh at you in a good way or she'll scream her head off at you and make you correct it and promise her you wont do it again. so yeah. in a way she is strict. but when she's in a good mood, you're bound to have fun around her. unless she doesn't like you. hehe.

since coming here. i realize how much i miss my kk people. their all crazy bubbly and not shy. i miss you guys alot. now what do i dooooo. hahah.

thoughts and rants,
joyce

to do list.

2009-11-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

while in KL. i should have a to do list right? yeah. i thought i should. just to see if i can accomplish anything.

let' see.

Go get some flats/mary janes.
help gpa run some errands.
get a new jacket.
go get some new jeans.
join the VBS team.
join youth camp.
spend more time with cousins.
go get new tops.
get earphones for my phone.
go get a simple bag.
read some books. borrow ce's.
continue doing devotion and perpose driven life.
get gifts for yiing, mich, mal, gina, lia, jan, dina, and nick.

yeah. i think number five is done. so one down. twelve more to go!

you're probably thinking why i did only thirteen things to do. well its cause my lucky number is thirteen. aeroplanes dont have aisle thirteen you know. its 12a and 12b then 14. betcha dint know taht?! hahah. i love the number thirteen. i dont care what other people think. hehe.

anyhow, gtg do some stuff now.

running and jumping for you,
joyce

uh oh.

2009-11-01T01:09:00.000-07:00

friday came and went with such speed. i'm so upset by that.

i woke up at 8. had to start packing and re-packing and rearangging my stuff. packing is definitely not my forte. spent another two hours choosing folding stuffing. ahhaha. when the clock struck eleven, my mood changed from cranky to nervous. seriously nervous.

truth be told, when iffa said i hope you lose your ticket, part of me wanted to say i'll lose it for you. i didnt wanna go. i didnt wanna make any of you cry. i didnt wanna cry too. seeing mal, sai, and iffa tear up really took a toll on me. and group hugs at these kinds of occasions always make me cry. so yeah. i cried. big deal. pffffffttt. hahaha.

i was really happy to see so many people turn up for lunch. especially dylan, aaron and nickly. i felt really touched. when we were on the beach taking pictures, i think mentally, i was taking a picture of you guys too. when yiing was playing the guitar, just strumming, with nick on the ledge. when izzat and adrian and dylan were acting gay for the picture. when mal was saying i'll just take a bite and she finished half the burger. when maroline, law vuii, stacey and sai were dancing to you belong with me by taylor swift. and we were standing on the beach taking pictures. i was showing yiing how to hold the cam and how to differentiate between a normal pic and a good pic. it was all memorable for me. especially the part where iffa kept telling me. where's my burger o? why so slow o? and dina for making some jokes with my mom about chili padi and food. hahaha. and how nick couldnt spot my mom from all of us. ahah. and how adrian said HI AUNTIE a lil too loud. ahaha. it was all hilarious and it just stuck in my memory.

crying on the plane and looking like my husband just died or something is obviously not a good look for me cause the air stewardess took extra care of me which actually irritated me for some reason. after a while of crying, i finally took a lil breather. i looked out and felt a lil at peace. all i saw were dark blue clouds. but the formations made me itch to take a picture. anyhow, i didnt. didnt wanna get thrown off the plane. i was all alone. somehow. it made me feel even more sad. if that was even possible. when i got off the plane it was already eight thirty or so. i made a quick detour to Mcd's to get some food. but when i got there i didnt feel hugnry. but then i didnt wanna get gastric so i stood in line to get food. while waiting i looked at my options: one, a doublecheese burger. Nah.... too filling. might barf on the bus. Two, some nuggets. erm. didnt feel like eating meat. Three, just fries. erm. didnt wanna get my hands all oily. Four, ice cream. hmm... sounds good. so there, i ate ice cream for dinner. ahheahahahahah. why? just cause i felt like having something milky and creamy and fulfilling. it was. after having it, i felt like a kid once again. like i did some really tiring job and i deserved and devoured my reward. ahahah.

on the bus, i was texting multiple people. ahaha. yiing. tanya. sai. john. megan. izzat. adrian. ahahaha. i was really awake by then so focusing on the topic for each person which by the way was different was not really that hard. the bus ride was fairly interesting. the couple in front of me was talking really loudly bout their holiday pictures. the guy behind me was telling his friend how to do his job. the woman behind was probably a lawyer cause she was talking to her friend on how to manipulate the contract. the woman beside me just came back from some china trip and was calling all her friends to tell them bout the gifts she bout for them. it was fairly interesting to hear them. you might say eaves dropping. but hey. when their talking so loud, you'll probably be deaf not picking up on the bits and pieces of things they've been talking about.

when i got to sentral. the most frightening thing happened to me. this foreign woman. she's probably like 5'9 or something. awesomely tall. quite pretty. well put that thought aside. SHE NEARLY STOLE MY BAG!!!!!!!! she took my bag and was walking away. i went after her and told her my bag. thats my bag. and she was speaking some kinda alien language so i just did sign language and then she smiled and returned me my bag. i was like. pppphhhheeewwwwww. i thought she was gonna run away with my bag or something. ahahaha.

got home. was so tired. took a shower. called mum. talked to her for a bit. then went to bed. was texting tanya all night till 12 or so. was too tired by then so i went to bed.

toady, woke up at like 8 but continued lying on the bed till 9. finally moved around and went downstairs for breakfast. then changed for church. oh. i was like. so. nervous. ahahahaha. had to go alone since ce mich went for the Terry Fox Cancer Awareness Run with her friends and ce mandy had a eye irritation. when i walked in i was like so nervous. i just put this smile on my face but it obviously didnt reach my eyes until i saw ce su anne with vei shaun and john lim and eunice playing the piano. hahah. i was so glad i had finally found company. hehe. then had the sermon by some pastor from ee. i dunno whats that but sounds so erm. whatchamacallit. like AA for alcoholics anonymous.hahahaha. anyhow, his sermon was okay i guess. not the best i've had but it was good anyhow. any sermon about living a better life as a christian is good for me. i guess the main point of his sermon was that if we dont live as examples, as good human beings, as good people with moral principles and all, in a way, our behavior would reflect badly on God. on Christianity. and we had to follow our life guide which is the Bible. the example the pastor gave was the blender. if we just use the blender until its broken down and then look to the manual that would be stupid wouldnt it? why couldnt you have looked at the manual first then use the blender to avoid all waste of money and time? same goes for the story aunty sue gave.. on the white socks. when we received God's love and became Christians, we were white socks, fresh white and pure but as time went by, we began to sin and we became dirty. as Christians, we should always repent from our sins to remain as clean as possible. as human beings, we will always be sinners but it does not mean we should not try to be as clean as possible. in fact, as christians, we should try effortlessly to be better people to show that as Christians we make a change in lifestyles. We are the Change. thats how it should be. and from today onwards, i'm going to show that i can change from being a normal person to a better person.

anyhow, today's my grandpa's bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA! joining him for a dinner later. hehe.

miss all you kkians. verrrryyyy much now that i'm here. aw darn. take care of yiing for me people! she's a delicate flower! if she wilts, i'll kill you! (channeling achmed the terrorist). ahaha.

with love and joy,

joyce

not forgetting ya.

2009-10-30T07:59:00.000-07:00

not only will i miss my classmates. but also my buds from form four.

Mich. Michelle Seck.
this shopaholic is the perfect person you'd wanna go shopping with. there may be a lot of shopaholics in my life. but you'll never find someone as great with advice and the patience like her. she's awesome. heeh. and she gets excited when she sees nice things which is always a good thing. haha. she's the one i turn to whenever i need a ear. she seems to always turn into humour. though she might reply late, she replies anyhow. when she cares for you, she really cares and she'll be there for you. awesome right? i know i'm lucky to have a friend like her. ahaha.

Lia. Liyana Amilin.
this girl has a voice of a Grammy award winning artist. and i truly believe if she doesnt become a pilot, she'll become a singer. a great one. when she sings, you just wanna shut up and listen. her voice is powerful and just plain awesome. ahah. she's also a hugger. like me! ahah. she's the most affectionate person i know. which is nice! she's bubbliest person you'll ever meet on the street! she's the fun kinda person. so if you're in the mood for pics, karaoke, or just plain fun, call her up! if she aint playing for a gig or singing, she's free and she's all yours boys! because if she falls for you, you're the one thats in luck!

Gina. Georgina Bentota Heiwagel.
she's someone you'll love having around. up or down. she'll bring you right back up to cloud nine. she makes you laugh whenever and wherever. she's got the wittiest comments and comebacks i've ever heard. and she's also smart and pretty. i mean. where else could you find someone like gina? and she's like no other. she's a specimen on her own. and any guy would be the luckiest guy ever to get this girl. this girl has more gut than some boys i know. she's daring, ambitious, smart, pretty, and the funniest girl alive!

to this three people. i love ya!

to cheryl and madeleine and alex. you guys know i love ya too. hehe.

going crazy just thinking,
joyce

A day out with the people you love.

2009-10-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

you know what happens when you spend the entire day with the people whom you absolutely adore? those quirky random out-of-this-world behaviors and those crazy random fun things we all love to do? i'll tell you what happens.

you'll fall ever more deeply in love with all of em and care and overlook the flaws and see them for what they really are. that's what happened to me. Today. :D

just when i thought i couldnt fall any harder. haha. boy was i wrong.

yiing, dina, mal, sai, iffa, maroline, marco, aaron, adrian, sau, darren, stacey, russel, law vuii, izzat and patrick. that was our group outing. can you imagine how noisy we were? hahaha.

first off, school. all we did was stay in class and play music. or rather they did. i spent my time with gina and alex. hehe. after school, went home and changed. then got a ride to 1Borneo. arrived at like 1.20pm or so la. hahaha. then i stood in line with dina. we were standing there for like. well. ten minutes. then only did we realize that wasnt a line for ordering. it was like the pick up line. darn. ahahaha. had lunch and marco arrived which was quite a surprise since he didnt really actually say he was coming.

we went to the bowling alley. hehe. it was fun. amalina was like the best longkang aimer i have ever met in my entire life. seriously. ahah. it was like a competition between amalina, dina and maroline. ahahahahha. no lah. just kidding ba. ahaha. aaron, adrian and marco were awesome at bowling. marco was actually leading but lost to aaron. i mean. aaron is like a sportsmen la. marco is just. normal. ahahahahh. he is a good friend when he wants to be la. at times. ahahahah. kan mal?! ahahaha.

after bowling, yiing, nickly, adrian, marco, and all played some snooker. yiing whooped all their asses! ahahahah! me dina sai iffa maroline law vuii and stacey went for ice cream and soon after the snooker players joined in as well. we all had ice cream. and i have never seen someone eat ice cream as fast as marco. he practically gobbled it up. he ate alot la. ahahaha.

we took loads of pics. will post em up later. hehe.

we went to giant to shop for the class party. this is the first time in three years i wont be participating in the class party. well at least i shopped for the ingredients right? haha. we were the noisiest bunch of people in the whole supermarket. ahahah. we made so much noise the people were just glaring at us. we really didnt care. we bought lamb chops, chicken wings, sausages, a watermelon, juice and veggies. ahahah. and then we realized we had no time, we payed and ran to the shuttle stop. ahahahha. then stacey and law vuii acted as if the bus had left early but actually it hadn't arrived. evil o this two cute things. ahahaha.

the bus ride was definitely THE most interesting bus ride i've ever had. we practically owned the bus. since there was like 12 of us and four outsiders. we just talked and talked and talked to each other without caring for the rest of the passengers. lol. evil right? ahahahahahaha. there were two funny convos throughout the ride.

One.

Adrian Marco Me
joyce, what to do with the lamb?
huh? what?
laughing. take the lamb eh.
i'm not cooking. you take it.
give it to yiing la.
let marco do some work la.
you didnt invite me to lunch oso.

as if inviting him to the luncheon would have made a difference. in the end. he said he's not coming to the luncheon. such a weirdo o him. sigh. i feel sad for him. hahahah.

Two.
Adrian Marco Me
joyce! ...... can i go pee?
WHAT? why are you asking me that?
cause i'm following your car....
hahaha..... its not like i'm going to leave you behind la..
so can?
yeah!
joyce! can i go pee?
why you asking me?
cause you're like a mom.

the worst part about these two convos. it was on the bus. loud and clear. especially marco's comment on me being a mom. ouch much marco.

but i guess it made the bus ride a whole lot more fun than being all sad and quiet. ahahah.

when we arrived in warisan, the boys took off running for the washroom. they really disappeared. it was hilarious. they even took the lamb chops with them. ahahahahhahaha.

stacey's boyfriend patrick and mal's boyfriend russel were ridiculous la. ahahaha. when we got off the bus, they asked me where we were going? so i said. to the boardwalk? patrick thought i said the bar. ahahahahahahhahaha. then when i asked them where they were going? they said they wanted to sit by the road. i was like. erm. ooookkkkkaaayyy. ahahahahahhahaha. so funny o. and when i asked about greg, they said he's in kl. i said i was leaving for kl tmw. they thought i'm gonna meet up with greg. LOL. ahahhaha. very funny la your boyfriends.

after that, marco left with darren and sau left. so all that was left from 12 people was down to two. me and adrian. hehe. we were in times. we met steve and audrey. nice people. adrian bought me a book! ahahhaha! recommended by michelle seck! its called thirteen reasons why. am gonna read it on the flight. ahaha.

today. was. awesome. spending time with my favourite people. haha.

tmw. my flight is at four. am having lunch with some people again before leaving. i'm so nervous. and sad. i dunno how i'm gonna cope not crying. haha. i think i'm gonna cry hardest at leaving people like yiing, tanya, mal, dina, stacey, iffa, maroline, sai, law vuii, adrian, aaron, marco, dylan, gina, michelle, lia, cheryl, and maddie. how am i gonna survive not seeing em for two months.

aw darn. stupid tears. making me feel all hot and stuffy.

i'll miss you so much. to all of ya'll. i'll come back!

tears or dreams, which do i pick?

torn in between choices,
joyce

Football and handball. hehe.

2009-10-29T03:16:00.000-07:00

Wednesday.

We had the football match. We lost. Not that bad la. But well. I could have done better. Could have tried to contain my anger towards him. But I guess when you load a pistol, you’re better off shooting it right? I dunno. I guess. Anyhow, we lost by one score due to penalty. Darn. Darn their legs. Ahahahahaha. It was uber fun tho. Playing with all my lovies. Yiing is awesome at sports. Am so envious of her. Ahaha.

We drew on our faces with natalie’s eyeliner. The pictures can be found at stacey’s blog. She has a real nice camera. Hehe. Had fun taking pics. I think my favourite pic has to be this one. I dunno. I think its cause its just us. The gang.

Mal, yiing, me, iffa, dina, maroline, sai and Stacey. This whole year. The people in this photo have saved me from falling. From going under. These people. I cant say how much I’m going to miss them this end of the year. I’m tearing up just typing this. Haha. My mom’s shocked I’m crying while typing on the comp. but what the hell who cares. To the people in the pic: I LOVE YOU! I always will and I’ll really miss you!

Today Thursday.

We had handball. A sport I never knew existed until today. Had no idea how to play. But when I did find out, I thought well. Easy peasy cheesy shit. WRONG. It was tough. Rules are you cant hold the ball and move more than three steps and you cant hold the ball for more than five seconds. Its funny cause if you hold the ball more than three seconds I guess you’ll find yourself on the floor. Players will be coming at you in all direction so the smartest thing to do is pass the ball to your fellow teammates. Yiing was awesome once again scoring a total of about six goals for our class. Hehe. So proud of her. Hehe. My friend le! Ahahaha! Gila ady this. We got to semi-finals but we lost to class AC. Cause well. The ball sorta hit past me. It hit my knee and went it. That was like ten seconds from the end of our overtime two minutes. Although we lost, we were pretty much very proud of ourselves. Cause we played a good game. It was a tough fight. Our strengths and their strengths were pretty much almost equal. I cant say equal cause they won! Ahahahah. But anyhow, it was fun playing with my classmates. All of us were yelling at each other on the top of our lungs. E.g: PASS THE BALL! RUN! GIVE IT TO YIING! GO! GET OUT OF MY WAY BA YOU! GIMME THE BALL!

It was hilarious. Although it caused me a lil over exertion later on but it was damn fun. We definitely should join the handball team. Ahaha. The referees were saying stuff like. Oi ganas o kamu. Lelaki pun kalah o. hahahahahahahahaha!

Our team cheer. Was. One two three MATI KAU! Ahahahahaha. So awesome la.

TMW. We’re going out to one b. I hope everything goes as planned and everything goes smoothly. I’m leaving on Saturday. I’m gonna miss you kkians la! Hahaha.

Tears rolling down my face,

Joyce

3AM1 !!!!!!!!! 09 edition!

2009-10-27T01:39:00.000-07:00

3am1 3am1 3am1.

if i had to write an essay about our class. describing our class. the atmosphere and all. i think i could write an eleven page essay. the way we all mix around. the way we all are crazy, bubbly and out of this world. we're all distinctly different yet have so much in common. the way we look out for each other. the way we care for one another and help each other out.

the most amazing thing about this class. is how it affected me. how they influenced me. changed me. and i think for the better as well.

last year. when i was in school. i was a totally different person. i was egoistical, filled with pride, was always offensive and i always fought to have it my way. i never let anyone get away from insulting me without me insulting them back. i was harsh, rude and i always let them know i was of higher power. some of you may not believe that. and think. Nah, she's just exaggerating. but no. i was like that. i was mean to everyone. even my friends. looking back. i hated myself for being that way. but it never crossed my mind to change for the better. not once.

this year. it all changed. i attended church and a new class. new friends. new environment. everything that wasn't in my comfort zone. i made new friends. and as i made new friends. i realized i could be me. not the old me. but me. i could be nice and friendly and less offensive. because these new innocent people didnt know me. so i shed that part of me. i threw that filthy side of me out the window. i let me be me. i didnt insult them. i wasn't rude or harsh to them. in a way, they changed me. sometimes, they taught me the way it was in their life. and it made me realize the foolishness of my past and how i could change my present being for a better future. they pushed me to study in class. they taught me new. good ways. the best part of it all. the cherry on top of my cake was. they were all of different backgrounds. indian. chinese. sinokadazans. malays. eurasians. all of them were distinctly different.

for example, my favourite group to chill out with consist of about twelve people. Let's start off with Yiing. if you've been reading my past posts, you would realize she's a major factor of my change. for those who dont know her. here's a quick update. she's smart, talented, pretty and a great friend. she helps you when you're down and she's there whenever you need her. she's awesome. she's quiet when around strangers. immensely cold when she doesnt like you or you make her uncomfortable. but when you break down her defense wall, she's a funny and great person to hang out with. she's a sister to me. hehe. then there's Iffa Ridha. funny, smart, outrageously random and very very entertaining. her other half is Sa'idatul. if you're ever bored and you sit beside these two. you're boredom will definitely go away. they are like twins. inseparable. their funny and their humor bounces off of each other. Sai is pretty and she can sing. really well. then there's Maroline. she's a Taylor Swift fan. oh i love this girl! ahaha. she's so funny. and she makes the most hilarious moments during any of our hang outs. very memorable. like the time she mimicked the taylor swift song movement. very very funny girl. then there's Amalina. who's filled with juicy gossip and a horny person. ahahaha. no la just kidding. this girl is ridiculous when it comes to humor. she laughs when telling a joke. when she laughs, its contagious. everyone around her will start laughing! its true! there's also the Three Brothers. Izzat Ashraff aka EastZat. who's a great singer and a total clown. Mahathir aka Adew who's supposedly the heartthrob. well he has his days la. he's a clown as well. then there's Nickly who's not only a great friend but one of the most random people i've met in the entire world. ahaha. he likes to say i like eggs for no reason whatsoever which i find amusing. there's also megan. MegMeg ^^. she's bubbly, funny and a ball of joy. always smiling. her favourite thing in the entire world has to be her Mickey Mouse. hahaha. she always goes: EHYER SEE THAT MICKEY MOUSE PATUNG SO CUTEEEEE! hahahahaaha. its hilarious. but it suits her since she's cute. Next in line, Stacey Van Straten. one of the prettiest petite people i know. love her style. its very casual floral. it suits her alot. but then again. she's so pretty. pretty much anything looks good on her. her best friend is Natalie Prabha. who's also drop dead gorgeous. tall, slender and pretty. also very funny. she's crazy, bubbly and a ton of fun to be around. last but certainly not least, our very own..... DINA CYLA!!!!! hahahaha. she's absolutely the most dramatic person! when she tells a story, her actions are so loud you have to absolutely pay attention! ahahah! she's a really great artist too! very talented when doing art pieces.

this group of people. these twelve people. have influenced me. have changed me. have enlightened me. have widened my horizons.

this year. my class. was AWESOME. nothing will ever come close to this class. I love every single one of em cause their so comfortable being themselves. its so genuine that its so easy to be around them.

i'll miss these people when we get separated next year. i'll miss you.

feeling very nostalgic,
joyce

new people

2009-10-25T06:42:00.000-07:00

installation night was much more fun cause i met new people. haha. i think.

i dressed up. wore make up and heels with my hair down and all. shocked nick speechless. ahaha. his face was priceless. mahathir's and izzat's as well. hahaha.

cut my hair and now i have a fringe. not much difference but whatever la. ahha. its there.

i met a few people. mostly michelle's church friends. their really nice people. :D

had fun with nick too. we left the ballroom to catch some air along the coastline. i took my heels halfway. it got a bit tiring. it was fun to feel the grass and the sand. very refreshing. we talked and hung out. he's a really nice guy. like a brother to me. not the way gina, daniel and cheryl made it out to be. haha.

lia was the emcee for the night. she did a good job! haha. and her dress was nice. she has the curves so she flaunted em. i guess some of us have to just live with the fact with we dont have such nice curves. hehe.

mich introduced me to her friends. carmen -pretty carmen- i met her at michelle's party back in september but we didnt really talk much. haha. brian -dude with accent- he's half danish. haha. it explains the humor and the accent. a nice guy. very funny. joshua. i dunno. didnt really talk to him or talk alot. leonie? i have no idea how to spell her name! ahah! but she's a ton of fun! haha. andrew. pretty boy? yeah pretty much. didnt really talk to him much too.

the way the night ended wasn't too nice. since it was pretty much all screwed up. i dunno why but i have this aching feeling. there's this tension between lia and gina against mich. its like. i dunno. very forced friendship. i dunno la. maybe its just me. being all paranoid.

michelle seck. all i can say bout this girl is that she's amazing. she's nearly flawless. physically. she's pretty. although she claims she's fat. i say otherwise. if she's fat what am i ? ? ? she's tall, slim and pretty. argh. sometimes i'm soooooo jealous of her! she's smart. 4s4. that was when she didnt try. if she tried i'm pretty sure she'd be the same class as CKM. she's also a slight fashionista. always dressed to impress. although she claims its comfort clothes, it looks great on her. she's a great friend too. always there for you when you fall. always cheering you up when you're down. she's also someone you wouldnt wanna cross or upset. she'll snap your neck in two. literally. but then again thats a up factor. thats why i love her! ahha. she's also a great person to watch movies with. ahahah. and share juicy gossip with. hehe. oh and i nearly forgot. if you ever need someone to go shopping with, she's definitely my number one choice! ahahahaha! all in all, she's one FANTABULOUS person and thats why she's one of my closest friends! no matter what people may say, she's a great person. and you haters, you got nothing nice to say? say nothing at all!

all in all, installation night was awesome. i made new friends and got closer to my old ones.

in reminiscence of you,
joyce

mistakes.

2009-10-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

fantasies. fantasies. fantasies.

their just thoughts. dreams that'll never come true.

i should have realized what i believed was just a fantasy. i should realized before i got myself this deep.

the important thing is that i realize it now. you're just my friends. you aren't my type. i'll never be yours either.

it was just my silly fantasy.

i'm sorry.

joyce

your own perspective.

2009-10-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning. early. or rather early for me.

the whole point of waking up early was to get to school early. BUT. because of my dad i got to school late. like ten minutes later than my initial plan.

ran from my car all the way to class to find wen yiing gone. i was like ohmycrappers she didnt.

i walked really quickly to tanya's class. while there was a certain distance. i calmed myself down. was so freakin nervous could barely hear myself breathe.

when i was near to their class, then i realized. i was frowning. then i saw tanya. i smiled and whispered in a soft barely audible voice. I'M SO FREAKING NERVOUS YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

wen yiing was standing with jeremy. i smiled and yiing and jeremy. Yiing quickly left to join tanya and they started some imaginary conversation. after i said what needed to be said. i looked at him. I was soooooo scared you have no idea. never in my entire life has a moment like that scared me. usually talking to people is my forte but this time it was outrageously creepy.

i'm so glad i said it. really. all this while, all i've ever been living with is this guilt of knowing that i hurt so many people. so many good friends that shouldn't have been hurt that way. they didnt deserve it. and he was on that list. I was such a stuck up, outspoken, pain in the ass person i would have hated me. i probably still am that person a bit. but i've changed. i kept that side of me in check.

and yeah charlotte might go yeah right. but ce you have no idea. you think you do but you dont. and for christ sake, you aren't all that bright. when you say you act stupid, i just think you are cause after acting that for so long it becomes of you whether you like it or not. too bad but oh so sorry i'm definitely not sad you are that way. :D

After talking to Ben the other day. i realized. i am not in love with you. i thought i was but truthfully. i'm not. the person i fell for isn't really you. the person i portrayed isn't you. and i dont think there is a person the way i described out there in this big big world. i thought you were perfect. but. i forgot. you're only human. you have flaws too. i still love you. but not more than just friends. today. when i saw you. you seemed real. because i finally snapped out of it. because i'm seeing you for you. you're nearly perfect for any lucky girl out there. but to me you're just my friend. my awfully good looking, smart and sensitive friend.

I realise that i may be too soft hearted towards people who dont deserve it. when i treat people nice, they step all over me and push me to the edge. when i treat them cold and mean, they get all silent and break into pieces. i'm like. what is the matter with you?. argh. but i dont care anymore. you. you have issues. you better get them resolved or i'll kill you with words i swear.

very busy week. argh.

you probably wont believe me but. i'm actually going to interact installation night!
me?. ahahahahahahahaaha. weird rite? i know.

i think thats about it. it should be about it. need sleep.

love ya hotties,
joyce

have you ever felt the need to breathe?

2009-10-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

you know how
when you're growing up
you always follow someones lead
or if you're leading you follow the lead
of someone else .

when you grow up
you look back and wonder
why did i do that?
why did i feel that need to do so?
and then the guilt comes running in like water.
thats how i feel.

you know when you
do something that feels so right
and then realize its wrong when its done.
you feel this immense surge of numbness.
thats how i feel.

when i was growing up
i was always under someone else's shadow
i still am.
michelle's sister.
mandy's sister.
charlotte's sister.
margaret's daughter.
jason's daughter.
always under their thumb.
you're constantly squirming.
always fighting.
but just never free.
i guess i'll never know freedom with no lines attached.

i guess its just so.

wonders of the world,
joyce

pass the panadols please...

2009-10-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

for someone as smart as me. when it comes to problems like you and you and you. even Albert Einstein would have a heart attack trying to solve the problem.

you think just cause you're older you get to push me around? DAMN STRAIGHT YOU'RE WRONG.

no one pushes me around okay? once in a while if i'm in a good mood, fine. its okay.
but going into my room and trashing it and then calling me a pig is UNACCEPTABLE you moron.

it isnt your room anymore. you cant just move away and still call it yours. you moved in to the new room and now thats your room. the old room is MY room now. wake up and smell the roses. you think i'm the bane of your life? YOU ARE THE BANE OF MY LIFE. YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT. you cant just walk into a room and say its yours just cause you like it. if thats so i would walk into trump tower and call it mine. use your god given brain la please.

you tell me you're some kinda big shot and how you bully people? aw please. the story is getting a bit old aint it? but since your head is so big i just kept quiet and let it continue growing with impatience. while you stomp your way to the top, one day when you're already at the top, i'll be waiting for a person to push you into the ravine and make sure you'll never be able to get up.

karma is a bitch. you said it yourself. now be prepared to face the consequences of your choices.

angry and ready to fight,
joyce

part of me screams for joy.

2009-10-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

when it finally arrived, the girl screamed for joy and ran towards her gift with squeals of excitement and wonder.

that was my initial reaction towards my freedom. ask my classmates what i did when the teacher finished collecting the papers and they'll tell you i skipped towards the stairs. hehe.

i spent three days in a row out with my friends. its a first for me. usually i'd turn down at least one night due to my parents or my own self control. but this time its like. i felt the rush. the adrenaline rush. and to my surprise my parents didnt mind. as long as i came home before twelve it was fine. a lil like cinderella except my carriage doesnt turn into a pumpkin but my face does turn red. hehe.

later yo,
joyce

ohmygawd. i miss you!!!!

2009-10-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

if there was just one small lil word for the feeling i feel now. one word. it would definitely be.

FREEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!

HAHAHA. i'm so happy.

i woke up at five. FIVE a.m. ahaha. too freaking excited for the paper to be over.

i studied until 6.10. then i went downstairs. my parents weren't awake yet. i ate cornflakes while watching mtv breakfast. it was truly my morning fix. hahaha. its my drug. and its legal.

then my mom came down. i drank a lil juice then left for school. 90 percent of my classmates were buzzing about out freedom than to our last paper which was kemahiran hidup. ahahahaha. books were open but none of us were reading.

our favourite invigilator/pengawas came in. me dina and iffa started smiling. she's pretty and she's really graceful. seriously air stewardess ish. and she wears some really nice shoes. nude coloured pumps. obviously new since the price tag was still stuck onto it. didnt wanna embarass her so me and dina giggled silently. she even took our papers earlier. Dylan and all of us screamed when she left our class. MERDEKA or HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

it was all a rush. all we've worked for. the months of confinement. agony. burden. pressure. all released. relieved. let go. i jumped for joy along with everyone else. we were soooo happy.

got home. showered. got ready. went out with mich. one b. darn. we need new places and new things to buy. we went all over but there was like nothing to buy. we ate loads tho. hehehehe. well, comfort is key. ahaha.

we went to harris. found hilarious books and mags. soooooo funny. one book title was SINGAPORE EROTICA. a book on erotic stories by singaporeans. tell you the truth. my conception about singaporeans are. their all very narrow minded. or. their very conventional. very safe and you know like not out there. So you can pretty much guess my expression when i first read the title. my eyes went huge mouth gaped open. ahhahahahahahaa. me and michelle flipped through it and the opening we did was in the center and the story was around a girl named michelle. HAAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHA. sooooo funnny man. the salesgirl thought we were mad. but who cares?!?!

we went for a drink. at Simply Chocolate. the chocolate was nice. the hot chocolate. very soothing and warm. hahaha. spent a dubious amount of time gossiping tho. she left at five. ahahah. i had to wait till seven ish for my mom and sister to join me for dinner. spent my time at starbucks. reading the book me and michelle split. Beach Blondes by Katherine Applegate. its good. its a sequel sorta book. but its good. while waiting, i met two hongkong couples. they were amazed i spoke cantonese. cause at first i spoke english. ahahahahaha. well looks can be deceiving i guess. ahahahaha.

Tomorrow is another busy day for me. Noon i have a vid shoot for youth. Evening i have to hit the gym with mich and vern. Night i might go to Izzat's open house. oh dearie me. ahahahaha.

staying up all night tonight. by all night i mean until 3 or so. heheh.

love ya babe,
joyce

stupid me.

2009-09-26T05:39:00.000-07:00

I remember every look upon your face,
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everythings okay
And finally now, we're leaving
~ boys like girls ft taylor swift

i miss you. but. i guess. i just never crossed your mind.
its okay cause i'll be leaving soon. and probably never see you again.
no worries. i wont be made a fool for love.

dont ask. you dont wanna know. its so pathetic and stupid.

joyce.

Karma is such a bitch.

i am going insane because of this lil thing called...

2009-09-26T04:14:00.000-07:00

PMR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

history is a bad thing. why learn from the past? it has no future.

Kemahiran hidup. Living skills. as if teaching us how to fix the toilet will help any of us in life.

Geography. Nah. thats my bad. i just am too ignorant to learn more of our oh so beautiful Malaysia.

I cannot. i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot i cannot.
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.
FOR THISSSSSSSS TO BE OOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR~

I really cannot. i just want it to be over and done with.

that is until the results come out. hehehehe.

till then. i only have one thing in mind. or mayb a couple of things.

relax and have tonsssssss of fun with my lovely lovely friends!!!!

hahahaha.

i miss going to youth! i miss jamie!!!! i miss jessica!!!! i misss vern!!!!!!! i miss frank!!!!! i miss everyone la!!!!!!!

i misssed the live auditions. darn.

and i dont even remember how i know vern. hahahaha. turns out i might have given her a awkward moment. and thats how i know her. or feel like i know her. ahahahahahahaha.

90210 is so much better now that LIAM is in it!!! he's soooooo cute la wei!

GossipGirl is so much better now that all my favourite bitches are back in it! For example, Vannessa is being a lil jealous! Dan is a bigger jerk! Chuck is being oh so simply mean! Blair is losing it but she's still in power! I love Serena! she's pretty, smart and oh so fabulous when she's mean! I am so in lurve with Nate! hahaah! he's so drop dead gorgeous! haha! Jenny is well. Jenny! but i like her style its so unique and quirky. but she makes trashy look so hawt! haha!

oh. i cant. wait. for. new moon. i am neither on team Jacob or team Edward. dont ask. am so torn in between these two teams. hahahahahaha.

okay. gotta run now!

love you~

sliding on breakable ground,
joyce

You have stolen my heart.

2009-09-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

We watch the season
Pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend
Of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced
Another sun soaked season fades away
You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart ~ Dashboard Confessionals

i love this song. for a silly reason. hehe. BLUEK.

i miss shopping. shoes. tops. jeans. jackets. argh~~~~

michelle seck~ we need to go shopping!!!!!!

hehe, joyce

that stupid feeling.

2009-09-17T23:01:00.001-07:00

you know how when you fall for someone so hard and they just rip the feeling from you and leave you thinking what did i just do?. yeah. thats where i am. stupid me.

19 days to PMR. how awesome. got me going outta my mind.

i cant wait for it to be over.

then i can go out with my friends~~~

need to go watch movies with mal, sai, iffa, megan, stacey, law vuii, dina, yiing, marco, adrian, dylan and aaron.

need to go buy books with yiing, dina, stacey, dina, and mal.

need to buy new clothes with lia, mich, gina, cheryl and maddie.

need to just go to the beach and run around with all of the above.

need to take tons of pics with all of the above to post on facebook to announce my freedom.

oh and just to show some people who just love to pick on me that i'm taking the high road and not giving in to their petty grievances. XD

i think this year. i finally realize who i really am, what i'm good at and who my friends really are.

i am not a follower. i'm a leader. always was. and if you put me with another leader who wants to be leader, then you'll find that both of us will have a hard time having fun.

so i decided. i wont always be a leader. but i wont always be a follower.

i've learnt my lesson. i wont repeat the same mistakes.

live to learn,
joyce

my week.

2009-09-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

My week in one word. no. make that a sentence.

Terribly awful yet amusing.

three papers came back. there's no A's involved. those are my three worst subjects. aiks. B's. its an improvement. From B-minus to a B plus. i'm working my butt off here.

i miss you. why havent you come round? did i do something wrong?

i miss you gma. aunty Ai Lian is right. the pain of losing someone doesnt come straight away, thats the initial shock of loss. it comes creeping in. seeping into your every thought. tugging at your every conscience. nudging at your work. touching your soul with softness. but all at once. when it comes. there's no avoiding. there's just you. you and your thoughts. your memories. your pain. nothing. nothing at all can soothe you. no one can comfort. no matter how right. how accurate their words may be. its your thoughts. your memories that will only carry you through that time. only You, God and your soul.

Its that stupid board in front of the school office thats scaring the crap outta us. counting down the days to our exams. as if we dont have that biological clock fixed in our head counting and constantly reminding us. constantly worrying us. now, you add on to that pressure with that dumb board. stupid people. argh.

i am not scared of you. because i have dont nothing wrong towards you. i walk with my head held high. if you say i'm proud, it just shows how much you dont know about me. and no. that isnt my fault. its yours. and for all the others, if you decide to follow her, i dont lose anything. in fact, i gain from your actions. it proves to me where your loyalty stands. and once you go out, i can go get new friends. better, smarter, and prettier or better looking. :D how wonderful life is.

it was a good week. but i can do better. and i will.

with my head held up high,
joyce

you treat me like just another stranger

2009-09-04T05:04:00.000-07:00

hey you. yeah you.

listen up.

I Joyce Fong am not rich. i'm mediocre. not rich okay.

i dont insult people whom i havent spoken to in months.

i dont go round telling people i'm richer than you.

i dont like going round telling people bad stuff bout you.

i DONT go round telling people anything bout you.

what you do is none of my business.

its your mouth. you wanna blabber bad stuff bout me?

go ahead.

if it pleases you, and perhaps you'll shut up and wake up and smell the roses.

i dont need someone who's gonna act like a diva in my life.

you wanna be queen bee? hello? that title is so yesterdays news.

you still want it? take it.

no one wants it anyways.

oh and btw, i'm not scared of you. never was and never will.

i'm not mad at you either.

haha. in fact, its kinda funny. that you're mad at rumours.
ahahah~

i could laugh all day!

i had a great day! so thank you!

Joyce

In Loving Memory of Her.....

2009-09-04T04:09:00.000-07:00

Can you name me a woman?
Stunningly beautiful and smart?
Not only was she beautiful outside,
her personality shone like the North Star.

Can you name me a woman?
Creative and talented?
Singing, dancing, sewing and cooking,
Her talents cannot be denied.

Can you name me a woman?
Loving and selfless!
She scolded out of love not grudge,
Stayed up throughout the night
Took care of us.

This amazing woman is my grandma. My late grandma.

And no woman is greater than she.

temptations are really getting to me.

2009-08-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

its all your fault. gawd. why did you have to be so nice and handsome?~!!!

ish. hahahaah! doesnt sound like me at all! arghh.

will tell you guys more soon.

love you! bye!

Joyce

GOSH.

2009-08-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

guess what. i'm confined to a four hour study session everyday. but. i think its good for me. hehe.

or rather i'm going to think its good for me. hahaha!

but in a way. when i study and off my phone, four hours seem like half an hour! weird right?
dad calls it focus. i call it switching off from the world.

NEEDS when studying:
1.silence
2. water
3.cookies
4. clock

those things. are needed. if their not there, i wont be able to survive four hours. hehe.

i miss having the freedom to be online all day. argh.

i will be like that again. just wait. once 13th oct is over. hmmpppffffrrrt.

i'll be back woman~~~!

haha! i miss him and you!

haha. take cares! god bless and good luck~!

just shutting down, and getting up,
joyce

One of the rare things.

2009-08-23T01:31:00.000-07:00

I'm toast. T-O-A-S-T. i was all buttered up and ready but then the heat came and burnt me. sigh.

My results. lets not talk about it. makes me wanna run in a corner and hide from the world.

For the first time ever, my dad came to take my report card and it wasnt even my proudest moment. or his. grrrr.

Moving on. After taking my report card, came home. locked myself up and studied for three hours straight. no toilet breaks. then told dad bout tuition and i wanted to get stationary and some workbooks so we left the house early to Citymall. that place is not the place to go on weekends. its like a puddle of honey with ants. super jammed. my dad had to park outside. where the motorbikes were. LOL.

Tuition was okay. made a fool outta myself when i answered the question wrong twice. cant help myself from being sleepy and blur okay. ahahaha.

Youth Time! YAY. its like the only happy moment on that awful saturday. haha. I liked the sermon that Rev. Lee gave. it was something which left everyone thinking on where they stood with God. were they the lady with the silver coins, grateful for every penny and thanking and praising God, or were they the lost coin which made their parents worry and fret with every moment they sink deeper into their sins? it was interesting. He's a really good speaker. I think it runs in their blood because Calvin and Cathy are both really good talkative and fun people. hehe.
after youth was finished, Me Jess Eilvane and Jamie were having karaoke time in the AVA booth. ahahaha! We sang along to songs like: Catch Me by Demi Lovato, You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift, I Do Not Hook Up by Kelly Clarkson, No Surprise by Daughtry. it was sooooo much fun! ahhaha! we didnt care that we looked insane or slightly hysterical! haha!

And because of my bad grades, i can no longer join everyone else for yumcha. BOOHOO.. argh. but i will score better next time and earn back my trust from my parents and i assure you people that i will be back for yumcha! SOON! ahhaah!

I got my new schedule for class. all i have to say is THANK GOD THERE IS NO MORE ART CLASSES~! hehe.

I took a blood test. my dad bought the kit. it went something like this.

Me Dad

Is this going to hurt?
No la. dont be a idiot.. i'm your dad i wouldnt hurt you la k?
hehe. okay dad.
you're still scared arent you? you lil coward.
no la.... maybe a bit.
okay. gimme your finger.
closes eyes. waits for pain.
~sound effect~ Taktak.
opens eyes and looks for blood. I didnt feel anything.
You see?! not pain wan la.
ERM dad. i think its because you didnt prick into my skin.
waht? oh. i used to finest needle. you've got thick skin. thats good.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH! no wonder i didnt feel anything.

My dad did it the second time. but yeah. it didnt hurt. and my sugar level is normal. just like any other kid. hehe. thank GOD!

Okays. anyways. the most important part of this post.

I will not be updating anytime soon due to my results and PMR. so sorry ya. hehe.

gtg study again. LOVE YOU LOTS INTERNETTT!!~~~~

i'll miss you more than ever now,
Joyce

My weakness is wednesdays.

2009-08-19T02:32:00.000-07:00

This morning woke up at 6.35. my dad woke me up. was like scrambling for my uniform. halfway through wearing it. I realized. oh craperoos! its wednesday! I have PE!!!!!

Ran downstairs to get my PE clothes. ran upstairs to get ready and get my bag packed. threw in whatever subject books i had in sight and could find. bloody hell.

went to school just in time before the prefects started being meanies. arrived in school. phew............. 6.55. thank GOD! :D

arrived in school with funny hair. i had all my hair clipped and tied back. didnt have time for grooming myself in the morning. ahah.

played volleyball this morning. with marco, nickly, adrian, amalina, stacey, mahathir, safirin and megan. ahah. it was fun. tho marco as usual was a show off with how hard and far he could hit the ball, made us run like crazy to get it to avoid casualties. he's so irritating sometimes. but other than that, playing volleyball with them was fun. i love volleyball. i used to hate it cause it hurt. not so much anymore. it throbs sometimes but now it rarely happens unless i hit the ball the wrong way. hehe. me fault yo. haha.

bringing books to school today was such a waste. more than three thirds of school today was filled with intern teachers who just sat there and read books but well, it was kinda nice to sit in class and study and do homework and then chit chat with friends.

Pmr is coming close. argh. the pressure is on. its always been on but now its like double the dosage. argh.

Ce picked me up from school today. which was rare. ahaha. she stopped sending me to school and picking me up a few months ago. ahaha. but it was nice. i really appreciate it. hehe.

Hot Hot Hot day. argh. made me sleep after only half an hour of studies. GRRRR.

i think imma die of frustration.

oh. and imma post something soon. about someone. no not that guy. but a guy in my class.

i just found out today. sigh. and i thought i knew him. ahah.

chocolate makes me miss you,
joyce

farewell my friend....

2009-08-19T02:02:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night was so fun! Jamie! You should have been there! i know you couldnt but i wish you were! BLEH! (aiks. i got that from jess) teehee.

As usual, before i get out of the house, things that I have to do come popping out of thin air. its so murphy's law. argh.

once i got things settled and got the files into place, straight away Edrea calls and says: i'm outside your house already. I'm like: phew. just in time.

Got into the car with Edrea and Elden. haha. was so excited but acted like nothing was going on. but inside i was so scared and anxious to see whether my gift was still with edrea and whether elden knew! On the way to the party, picked up Shuk Ling, Shuk Fen and Yock Yu, forgive me if i get the names wrong. hehe. Shuk Ling i recognized from passion conference way back last year around.... hey.... exactly a year ago! ahahah! i met her during the august holidays when we were having passion conference! Sigh. i miss that conference. met so many people i'm good with today.

so yeah. the car was so silent. its hard for me. for those who know me, i'm the type of person who follows moods very much. and when i'm happy and in a good mood, its hard to shut my gap so yeah it was torture to hold my silence for a good twenty minutes.

We kinda got lost at first. cause we couldnt find Vun Hau's house. but we found it at last. she has a really sweet house. its big but not too intimidating and very homey. but i guess thats her character anyhow. friendly, funny and nice. she's really nice. hehe. she's pretty too. haha!

I got there and the first thought in my mind was to write in my card and stick it onto Elden's gift. ahaha! I was writing and writing while looking out for Elden and people. and then halfway through, Edrea sat beside me and i got nervous cause well, when i'm writing and people are staring at what i'm writing i get really really nervous. haha. its normal. when i was done, Edrea wanted to read it so i called him nosey. and just as i said that, his brother passed by like a metre away staring at me and his brother. and me and ed were like, in shock. we just sat there like rocks. ahahahhaahhahaha. the gift was hidden but the card wasnt exactly hidden. then me and ed jsut burst out laughing. hahaaha! we were totally in shock!

Jess finally arrived. gosh. she was starting to make me nervous. she baked these fabulous chocolate cupcakes. their rich creamy and oh so addictive! ahha!

When we were all done with food, we sat down in a circle. and played this game called husband and wife. hahhaha. first couple of the night, ............ Max and Stephanie! ahha! it was funny cause. the 'husband' and 'wife' is blindfolded and then spun around three times. haah. and we the crowd had to guide them. the boys guided Max and girls guided Steph. it was funny how their really bad at listening to directions. i guess its really hard when you're blind and ten people are shouting different orders at you. haha! Next couple was Erica and Ronald. Erica as usual is always hesitant and stubborn. she had to take a few pushes to get her into playing. They played and actually bumped into each others forehead! SO cute! ahhahaah!

Third couple, or shall we say, third victim? ahah! Elden and cathy.

the trick here was we blindfolded Elden and kept yelling Cathy! Cathy! Cathy! to make Elden think we're calling cathy to play. but the truth was while we were yelling cathy!

Max, Ronald, Cathy and Lizzie were running into the kitchen to get whip cream! ahahaha! it was so funny! cause we were spinning him around and then we counted one two three! and we smothered him with cream! ahhah! Lizzie slapped him with cream! literally! his face, shirt and hair was covered in cream and he was laughing and trying to take off his blindfold and trying to chase us all! ahhaha! it was so fun!

when the fun turned down a bit, me jess and ed were just standing there talking bout it and laughing and Edrea was holding a can of whip cream so it went something like this.

Me Edrea Jess

I think I wanna splash your brothers hair with whip cream. gimme some.
Oh okay. just dont hit his eyes. he's wearing contacts.
I want some too! i didnt get him!
Oh okay. I'll join you guys too!

The moment me and jess got the whip cream. we looked at each other smiled and totally smothered Edrea with whip cream. Jess got his face and I got his hair! hahaha! He chased us both but didnt manage to get either of us! ahhahaha! so fun how me and jess are so in sync! hehe! i wove you babe!

Later that night, the cell leaders shared about Elden. He's smart, talented, caring, generous, humble and just a all round nice guy. and when ten people say that, it just proves how great this guy is. I think we, the Eklektos youths are really going to miss this amazing person when he leaves! but i think his future is so bright we're all going to need shades! His potential and his energy is going to take him far and i'm pretty sure of it that its all for God's glory. and i really admire that.

When it was time to go home, everyone took pictures of Elden and hugged him.

I gave him his present on the way home. we talked a bit. me ed and elden. i think its going to really different in church for me without the wise. he was one of the people that i first met in church and until now, he was one of my good buddies. without him there, is definitely going to be weird. heh.

haha. but i'll see him again in kl soon. so hahah.

winter nostalgia,
Joyce

terrible tuesday.

2009-08-18T00:18:00.000-07:00

i had an okay day in school. wasnt exactly the best. was kinda bored actually.

first of all, we had only like 2 hours of class. and four hours of freedom. in which i only finished half of my homework and i slept like 10 minutes and the rest of the time i spent talking to dina, amalina, sai, iffa, maroline and marco. we talked about alot from clothes to boys to a rude person named bernard and all that.

i talked to iffa bout this. it seems. perhaps. i'm revealing myself a bit too much on my blog. so from now on, imma try to talk less bout private stuff. perhaps i should try not talking bout him so much. hehe. i'll try iffa. i'll try.

my school is soooo irresponsible. do they even know what a school is for?

school is a place where we learn and get our education. where we learn how to behave and everything. when we do something, teach and correct us.

but now, its just. do something wrong and get thrown outta school. this guy didnt do his homework and got expelled from school. and you expect the guy to succeed in life? please oh smart one tell me how?

i mean yeah. its possible he'll succeed but nowadays, you wont be able to get a decent job without spm or educational certs. its like. the headmaster has just lost his mind. i dunno how.

my mom went to kl. today. random and totally out of place. i know. LOL.

i dunno what to think of society today anymore. its just so disgusting.

friend of foe? i dunno. who you turn out to be. is only what i will be able to see.

hehe. see you!

partypooper,
joyce

MERDEKA!!

2009-08-17T02:28:00.000-07:00

Today we had the independence day celebrations. was kinda weird cause very little people knew about it. and we aren't exactly the most patriotic people.

Silent Motion Crew was good although adding in the flag was kinda weird. ahahahah. it looked very much outta place. Iffa and Sai were screaming on the top of their lungs for Kamal. And she kept squeezing my fingers. hahahaha. so cute! she kept screaming! hahahah!

The traditional dance was well. good. i guess. its just the front girl. whats her name again iffa? zahir? or something. she smiled like crazy. like even cheerleaders dont smile that fake! she kept laughing to herself. it was weird. then halfway through the performance, the models fro project runway came down from the top room, we all screamed for natalie and law vuii and the poor girls on stage thought we were screaming for them. hahahahaha!

i liked the singing from rachel too. although i didnt understand nor recognize the song she was singing. her singing is really good.

poetry reading was sad. i mean. its a really meaningful poetry but i guess she didnt memorize it well. syahdatul is her name i think. she does the poetry reading all the time.

we patched up. i guess we're back to normal.

today was rather odd. i was sleepy and blur. ahaha. very blur.

anyways, gtg.

seeing him tmw perhaps? teehee.

all is fair in love and war,
Joyce

Yumcha. hehe.

2009-08-16T02:06:00.001-07:00

steffi and her noodles. ahah!
the star of the night: ELDEN! :D
Taking pictures with adoring fans! ahah!
Yvonne and Evan posing for pictures!
Yvonne taking pictures of edrea while i took one of her! aahha!

15th August.

Its got to be one of the most awesome and tiring days of me life. excluding the sad and shocking part that came at the near end of the night.

I woke up at like. 7. due to the irritation of my two good friends megan and nicole. ahaha. they were so paranoid that i was gonna arrive late and so the non stop text messaging started right on the dot of 7am. i was all whiny cause it was saturday. waking up early on weekends arent exactly my thing. i'm not exactly a morning person. as people would know. hehe.

got to school at 7.35. five minutes late but, was still early la. haha.

went to do some stuff and then hung out with samuel and bryan. forgot how fun they are to tease and play with.

then..... the ice cream man called and said they were coming at 10. all of us were like OH NO!!!! the event starts at ten. puan carol was not a happy woman. and when the ice cream finally arrived. with one less helper. it was quite a mess. very rushed.

we sold alot of ice creams. thats all i know in describing the selling process. ahahahah! i now have a whole new respect for ice cream and hawkers on a busy day. they sure count and think fast. ahaha. if it were me. i would be doomed. ahahaha!

i even caused some drama for amalina and dina. it goes out to bernard who dare to call them Hoes. how dare he. ugly fag.

i left at 1. left kinda early cause my mom came early. so sorry nicole! for leaving you there with jarrel and the ice creams! hahah! sorryyyy!

anyhow. rushed to citymall to get stuff for someones farewell present. and then had a bite of lunch then straight to tuition. i was so sleepy but had to force myseldf to stay awake.

after tuition, went to karamunsing to get a gift for my friend. then bought some wrapping paper. attentionplease, if you intend to ask the helpers there to wrap the present for you, don't ask at all. i could have done a better job than them. argh.

got home at around 6.35. took a quick shower. ate a lil salad. and left for church at around 7.15. phew. got there just in time to chit chat. the moment i got off the car, jason and samuel were rushing forward to shake my hand. so competitive la the lil things. ahahahah! i shook both their hands. and hugged sherah and alicia. i walked in and saw edrea. haha! we were both wearing the same colour. Blue. and that was what everyone kept saying the whole night. hahaha!

My vid premiered! hahaha! me jamie and max made a church announcement video. i think i told you guys that a couple of weeks back. but anyhows, the response was great! everyone loved it! ahhahaha! so embarassing! ahhaha! there was a part where i said : oh shit! and vern edited it and made it so that it replayed three times! hhahaha! so bad! hahahaha!

kelvin preached. it was good. his english isnt as bad as he says it is. in fact, its pretty good. he talked about church for the people. very enlightening, it really struck me. that i and many others view church as a chore and not the way of life. so from now on, i wont be going to church as a chore but as time for me and God. :D

yumcha! ahahah! was fun as always. altho, didnt talk much to everyone due to some issues at hand. but all in all. me, edrea, evan, elden, yvonne and everyone else had fun.

it was interesting. how it ended. but all in all. i'm happy. :D

follow edrea: think positive! dont care about her! just be yourself!

thank you! i will be like that!

I used to be love drunk
But now I'm hungover
Love you forever
Forever is over ~ Boys Like Girls

hahas,
joyce

would you believe me.

2009-08-14T05:03:00.000-07:00

isn't weird how when your gut tells you to stop asking so many questions and yet you plunder through and not care about your gut instincts. and then. slap. the truth hits you right across your face and then you feel sad and broken down and you start to wonder why you even bothered to ask.

I have the tendency of doing that and hurting myself. and at times, i tell no one because its so retardedly stupid.

why did i ask? why did i bother? why did i care about your past? why didn't i just wait to find out? why didn't i just keep my curiosity to myself? why didn't i just hear it from you? why didn't i just stop my mind from wandering off and causing trouble? why didn't i? its cause i think i've lost my heart. and now i'm struggling at getting it back from la la land.

now. i know. she's pretty, smart, sociable, funny and athletic. everything i wish to be but am not.

i know i'm supposed to be secure and confident like i always am.

but hey. i'm only human.

i have weaknesses and soft spots too. i have issues too.

i asked. i got the answer. but. sadly, i dont like what i'm hearing. at all.

it breaks my heart. it was fine before i knew.

so what should i do?

should i give you up? because of my insecurity and nearly nonexistant self confidence?

or should i stick to you? because i have feelings for you like i've never had to no one and because i am me and i cant change me for no one?

my mom is angry because apparently, one of my aunts told her i know how to talk about boys. well, that upsets me. because if that is true, it just shows that someone likes to gossip and that makes me more aware and careful of what i say to them. i thought they were family and its okay. but apparently, its not so. apparently, i just have to not talk about anything to them. keep it small short and simple. now isnt that sad? all because i talk about boys. for God's sake, i'm a girl. i'm a teenage girl. i talk alot.

i talk about everything. from boys to clothes to politics to social events and things that are going on in every other teenagers life. i talk alot and that doesnt make me bad or a slut or anything bad. thats just me. okay. so i talk about boys. would you rather i talk about girls? would you?

it saddens me that they would actually gossip and say things like that behind my back. some kinda family eh.

it terrifies me to know that there is only 53 days to PMR. i'm confident but hey, cant help but be a worrywart.

i know i shouldnt say anything to him about it. but the topic just wont rest from my mind. he doesnt know that i know about his past. so its point blank direct that i shouldnt say anything but why do i feel like i should? why do i feel like i can? why do i feel like i'm going to bring it up anyways? why?

you know what really pisses me off. when people assume that i'm in a relationship with a guy just because i'm close with him. i mean. come on. what century are you living in?!?! so yeah. i hugged him. does that mean i'm in a relationship with all the guys in kl in church and in school and in social events? wow. then i must have more than 500 boyfriends by now. and hey i'm only fifteen.

geez. people. use your God given brain for just a moment.

i got number 24 in class. its the far fall from my usual number which is only one digit. my usual is 6 or 8. now its 24. how awesome.

i'm tired of feeling like this. i'm done.

feeling fuzzy,
Joyce

crash and burn you lil bit*h.

2009-08-13T02:07:00.000-07:00

you're so hypnotising
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've get me smiling in my sleep
And i can see this unravling
And your love is where im falling
So please don't catch me ~ Demi Lovato

i dunno why. but there seems to be not only a flu spread but also a evil doing spread. its like the flu turns everyone, well not everyone, but a certain amount of people nuts. its like people cant get enough out of spreading lies and dissing other people. nobody is perfect and neither are you so who gave you the right to call nice people sluts? thats not only wrong its utterly disgusting.

argh. test results arent getting better. their good but not good enough. according to the book, ce mich gave me. good better best, make your good better and your better best. but its hard. this is hard. argh.

you know when people post pictures of you that arent pretty on facebook. i think its totally inappropriate to FORCE AND COMMAND them to take it off. its their facebook. they have a right and a choice to make whether they want to take it off or not. yeah, it might be embarrasing or ugly but hey, we all have some sometime. its their choice since they posted it up. you cant force people around. who do you think you are?. ish.

i like my class better this year. i think its cause we're all the same level. i mean. we arent that divided. we get along really well except the ahem ahem few. haha. and very few silent people. we're all crazy loud and we laugh alot. ahah. but when it comes to studies, we're all really cooperative. i prefer my classmates this year better than last year. last years class is still way too childish to know whats good and bad. the guys in the class are self conscious and act like sissies for fashion and wanna act all cool. the girls are all way too high pitched and sometimes break the rules just to fit in. its like. why cant you just be yourself? . i mean there are the few that i still am good friends with and thank god their mature enough to know the diff like karen and samuel but some of em are just so lost beyond recognition of their own doings.

i baked cookies for my sisters college fundraiser. she managed to get WWF aka World Wildlife Foundation to work with her to collect some funds for both WWF and her own college. its so cool. its a two day event. i wanted to cook food but settled with cookies. faster and easier. ahaha. thank wen yiing for giving some pastry to my sister too.

school was fun today. i sat with maroline, amalina, dina and marco. oh and nickly. ahah. spent the whole day talking. the weather was sooooooooooo hot. i was literally melting. i thank THE GOOD LORD FOR AIR CONDITIONING! hehe. that was how hot it was.

hehe. i think thats all. and oh. i dunno what to get his brother. but i think i should. ahah.

trying not to drown,
joyce

today. was. so. weird. ahahaha.

2009-08-11T00:51:00.000-07:00

i woke up like ten minutes late but got to school just in time (awesome right?) for a lil chit chat before perhimpunan pagi which means morning assembly. which means just standing outside the classroom for national anthem, state anthem, and school anthem.

BUT TODAY. after state anthem, the announcements were made and then this guy said: please pass around the lyrics so we can all sing this very special song to kick off English Week. To our surprise, this special song was..................(drumroll)....................... THE CLIMB MILEY CYRUS!

girl guys me
omg. they want us to sing this song?
alamak. sing miley cyrus song? english club so terrible to us man.
well, at least its better than they ask us to sing 7 things la.
but but but. this song. so. weird la.
or even worse. the best of both worlds.
(shudders) okay la. this song is good.
i think its the only song i like from her.

all of us agree that the climb by miley cyrus is the only song we like from her. i mean. apart from nicole raoul, jessica kiing, eleen wong, yen ling, and chai. i think the rest of us pretty much dislike miley cyrus. ahah.

its such a weird song to pick from. i mean. for english week, and due to the current weather hazards like the haze and H1N1, you would think they would pick better songs like: Change The World by Michael Jackson or something but no. they picked the climb by miley cyrus. its a good song no doubt but not alot of people know that song. only the malays and english eds. the rest are left in the dust. sad o.

haha. my class sent me, chai, joshua, and akmal for a science quiz. totally forgot bout it. ahah. we went expecting the worst cause we couldnt care less about studying after trials and excel. but the teacher gave us a super simple crossword puzzle and a word search. we did it in pairs. me and akmal. josh and chai. me and akmal were the fastest to finish. but due to the teacher being so ooooooo 'smart'. she forgot to put in the last two words. melody and janice got first place instead of me and akmal. knowing me, i'm a very competitive person. i felt you know. frustrated that i didnt notify the teacher and get what i should have gotten. FIRST PLACE. but all in all, i learned something from the experience.

gina and maddie have this thing with me. i dunno. i just wanna say. i dunno. its not something i thought of. i've never seen him that way. i'm close to guys and yeah sometimes it seems like something more but it isnt really. i dunno. i'm in crossroads again. and it doesnt feel too good to make choices like these.

i heard rumours bout him and his break up from the perfect girl. haha. akmal says he admires him cause he's a all rounder. which sounded pretty weird when he said it but yeah. i admire him too. ahaha. hahahahahahaha.

You never know what you want
And you never say what you mean
But I start to go insane
Everytime that you look at me __ Here We Go Again by Demi Lovato. okay je la.

cookies are my friend. i think thats why i'm fat. ahah.

missing you is the hardest part.
joyce

Michelle's 16th BDAY!

2009-08-10T02:32:00.000-07:00

8th August, it was a good day. i woke up at around 7-7.15. got ready for rehearsal of music fest. well, my recommendation is: to malays, its gonna ROCK!!!!!!
to chinese, i'm sooooo sorryyy you bought tickets!
to english eds, erm. wait. i'll tell you.

The most played language in the festival is Malay. its all in all TOTAL ROCK MELAYU STYLE.
not that its bad. its cool. just not my style.

so, the chinese dudes aint gonna be too happy bought their money. haha.

English eds are gonna be glad but not happy. Ivy Loverline is singing Estrella which is really good. she sounds really good. i'm defo a fan. haha. Jones is singing everyone's all time favourite It's My Life by Bon Jovi. Jerry is singing Black and White by The King of POP Michael Jackson. their all good. i mean except for the fact that the malay stall dudes are singing my chemical romance which really sounds like a indon song. hahahaha!

okay. back to the topic.

arrived in mich's place at around. 11.45. cheryl was already there. having some fun with massage chair. that sounded wrong. ahahahahah. lia's influence. ahha.

minutes after i arrive, ckm arrives. he tried surprising her but epic fail, we could see him through the reflection of the computer screen. ahahaaha!

we watched 'Obsessed'. half way thru the movie, had lunch. cha sau sau rou rice. mich's mom bought it from the stall in foh sang. She waited an ENTIRE HOUR for them. i was like: uh oh. it better be some darn good rice man. hahah. it was good. ahha. was grateful for the food provided.

gina arrived with jan. we went for a swim. they went first i went in later. ahah. jan pulled me in. haahah.

after more than an hour of swimming and pictures and games, we all took a rush of taking showers and getting dressed for the party. this is why i hate wearing dresses. its soooo. painfully long. everybody has their own opinion. mich changed her dress four times. four. i was like. woah. hahah. in the end she wore the teal green and gold dress. suited her like a goddess. she looked really good. i bet ckm was one happy fella. ahaha.

the party was great altho i was stuck with melvay, izzat, nickly and jan for most of the party. i was kinda happy. because well, i didnt need to be anyone else with them. i was me. ahah. i'm more comfortable around guys then girls. haha.

nick and clement lee was there. they were loads of fun! Nick has the way of making everyone laugh without even trying. its his thing. haahha.

the fun kinda stopped when we were all being chased by mich's lil brother victor, he's 6 yrs old and is one helluuva of a monster! he got the idea of scooping up water with his cup and splashing it on everyone! even his sister! everyone was screaming, running for their lives! hahaha! and then, clement got smart! haha! he picked victor up when victor was scooping water and threw him in the pool! everybody was like. stop. what?. then, victor surfaced crying. all of us rushed over and comforted the kid. clement was like: i said i was gonna do it! hahahah. no remorse whatsoever. hhaha. but it was kinda cliche that he actually threw the kid in. woah. the guy had guts man. ahahhaha. respect was definitely earned. ahaha.

i went home at around 10.30. actually thought of joining nick and clement for yumcha with the youths at damai but decided not to risk having myself grounded. ahha.

thats about it. except for some evil doings of gina which i wish not say. haha. but yeah. all in all it was one great party!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!!!! I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK WHEREVER, WHENEVER AND WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING!

for more pictures and info, please head onto facebook.com. haha. thats a commercial. ahaha.

laughing at irony,
joyce

Sporty Sunday

2009-08-10T01:48:00.000-07:00

If yesterday is sporty sunday and i had fun, then today which was boring and hot makes it Mundane Monday right? hehe.

i had loads of fun yesterday. Edrea invited me for sports at Iramanis. the playground area. haha. I think yesterday was one of those days where i really felt like i was one of the Eklektos Youths. i mean. When i first joined them, it was really weird and hard for me because. everyone there knew everyone but i didnt know anyone. i was like a thorn among the roses. really. it felt like it. and you know me?! silence is my partner when in doubt. hehe. Elden and Jamie would know! hahahaha!

We played Baseball and basketball. Poor Oscar tripped and was bleeding. He has wounds on his knee, elbow and wrist. the worst part, today was his first day of school. i was like oh dear. ahahah. All the girls tried to make him feel better by sitting all around him and comsoling him by saying things like: dont cry oscar! its just a tiny wound! dont cry! BE a man! hahahaah! we weren't exactly consoling him. more like making ourselves feel better. haha. poor Oscar.

baseball was fun. well. it wasn't really baseball. more like. someone threw a ball, the other person hit it, another person picked it up. LOL! haha. but it was kinda fun cause we all kinda sucked. except for edrea. no fun la. he's so good. ahahahha.

Mandy kept going: I wanna take pics of you guys playing! so all of us play play play and at end all she said was: my camera sucks. ahahhahaha. we're like so you didnt take pics? her reply: erm. not really. LOL. ahhahaha.

I like spending time with these guys. their awesome.

school was usual. paranoia filled the hallways. boring teachers with boring subjects. did surprisingly okay for my exam. was well. surprised. haha.

anyways, gotta clean my room now. hmm. will post about mich's bday later. ahah. loads of stuff happenned. hahah.

loving him like usual,
joyce

the longest day of my life.

2009-08-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

He is sensible and so incredible
and all my single friends are jealous
he says everything I need to hear and it's like
i couldn't asm for anything better
he opens up my door and i get into his car
and he says you look beautiful tonight
and i feel perfectly fine.

gosh. if he said that to me, i would probably say: say it again. hahahah!

Its finally friday. for some reason, this week took forever to end. haha. maybe its cause i've been just studying and thinking about the weekend too much.

this influenza is driving everyone up the wall. wearing mask, using hand sanitizers, forcing students with only a lil cough and fever to go home. i mean has it ever occured to the government to close down schools for a lil bit? just to clear the possibility of major spreads in educational environments? gosh. we're so weird.

you know? i've been reading alot of mags lately. and you know the horoscope part at the end of the mag? usually, well, if you know me well, i tend to say its bullcrap. total BS. but these past few months, its strangely accurately. by strangely accurate. i mean. strangely accurate. like. sometimes the way i feel and what i've done is being protrayed in that small little article. my reaction to it now is like: GASP. looks around. thoughts wanders off into the clouds and shudders.

OMG. i found out today. that this someone is dating that other someone. and when they were first friends, i told everyone they were gonna end up together. and no one believed me. now look who's laughin!!!??!?!?! although, i am sad that no one told me. i'm ELATED THAT THEIR FINALLLY TOGETHER!!!!!!! she needs someone better that the last one and he needs a female part to his life! LOL. hahahaha. hehe. hmm. i'm happy.

okay. gtg now. dinner awaits.

thinking and wondering and waiting,
joyce

HELLOOOOOO! xD

2009-08-06T03:35:00.000-07:00

hello beautiful!

this is my new blog! wanna now my past events go to mylifeofrandom.blogspot.com.

so, today was fairly interesting. i went to school, sat from Kh paper. throughout the paper i felt fine. then, after the paper, there was more like fourty minutes left for me to sleep, so well, i did. hahaha! but when i woke up, i could taste vomit in the back of my throat. really. i was this close to puking on either joshua, fostine or marco. hahahhaha. i would really like to puke on marco. annoying lil pest. hahahahaah!

madam hiew just took one look at me and said: "you look sick! GO HOME!" took out her hp and said: 'call you mom now!' i was like: erm okay. called my mom and within five minutes she came. I thank God we live nearby school! ahhaha!

went home. had some food. went to sleep. woke up an hour later by my mom asking me to study. didnt reply. instead, i went back to sleep. call me ungrateful but i really needed sleep. i woke up and did three hours of malay. was happy. came online for music and facebook. well, and to do this new blog. haha.

i think i'm getting closer to him now. although, i'm not one of those girls who fantasize bout their crushes. i think i have a shot. but then again, maybe not. prob never will. nah.

anyways, can't wait for saturday. its gonna be a busy busy day!!!! hehehe!

sometimes its my heart i can't control,
Joyce